(Closed) Do mothers really have a favorite child?

posted 9 years ago in Babies
Post # 32
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

yeah me lol joking how can you pick they are all a part of you they may act certain way towards all children differently but because each child has different personality no mother will love one child more they are all her angels and she has same room for all of them in there heart my parents always made us all feel special in different ways.

Post # 33
Member
2312 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I always had a feeling my mother favored me over my sister. Not that she doesn’t love both of us, but I just always got the impression if she was FORCED to choose, she’d choose me. That being said, I also always thought my dad felt that way about my sister, so I didn’t really see any reason to feel bad. I just felt like my mom preferred me, my dad preferred her, so at least we were each preferred by one or the other.

I will admit that part of my reasoning for not having a second child is I didn’t know which would be worse: loving the second child more than my daughter… or NOT loving the second child more than my daughter. I know I know, they’re all equal, but as a mother, I can see how you might “relate” and just naturally gravitate toward one of your children more than the other(s).

Post # 34
Member
2441 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I have two kids.  I don’t have a favorite, overall.  Depending on who is behaving better, I might consider that child my favorite at that time.  My teenage daughter was moody for about 2 years.  Ugh!  My son was my favorite during that time.  Now, he’s “finding himself” and my daughter is out of her moody stage.  If I had to pick today, she would be my favorite.  Next week, heck tomorrow, that could all change.  

I think I was my mom’s favorite.  She never told me that, but she and I were closer than she and my other siblings.  It’s just my suspicion though.  

Post # 35
Member
5789 posts
Bee Keeper

I think what you may feel as a child growing up will change as you get older and can recognize the circumstances of how things changed because of your birth order. Of course the first is always the ‘practice child’, as there’s really no manual on exactly the right and wrong way to do things when raising children. This site is a perfect example of that. People ask just about every day how to do things from breastfeeding to swaddling, and there’as a million different answers. When you become a parent, you take parts of what you remember from how you were raised, listen to what lots of random people tell you, call your Mom and best friend a lot, and talk to your neighbors~is there any wonder no one person could write something that would encompass everyone’s questions and have any one perfect way to do anything?

With the oldest, that’s where the most mistakes are made, and also when all the ground rules are set. If it works, great. If not, and more kids are born, you try something else and hope for the best. The entire dynamic of a family changes once more people are added, as each needs to fit into a pretty complex puzzle. Personalities will play a major role in everything, and of course it’s easier to be around a happy and pleasant child than it is a temper tantrum throwing miserable one. My youngest was a brat, but it doesn’t mean I loved her any less.

The oldest in my family was my brother, and my Mom always acted like he could walk on water. My 10 year old brain recognized that, but my 20 year old brain resented it. Now it means nothing, but I still remember how it used to feel.

The youngest is my one sister, who was and is still a brat! She was a whiney, fresh, throw herself all over the house kind of kid who I thought got away with murder, because and someone else has mentioned, she was born prematurely and was pretty sick for the first 6 months of her life. Was that why they treated her differently or was it just because she was the last one?

What we see and feel as kids isn’t necessarily what really IS. Lots of us went through having to work to buy our own cars,especially if we were close to the oldest (I was #2), but the next 2 got them from my brother and my parents. We were working already, so my parents had more money to spend on the younger ones. That wasn’t hard to figure out, but we didn’t like it. That was a perk of being at the bottom of the birth order….your parents suddenly have more disposable income.

Being a parent is tough.

Post # 36
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

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@ItWasntMe:  “Being a parent is tough.”

Ditto.  Also, I think my sympathy for my own parents increased a million times the moment I had my daughter.  It’s impossible to be a perfect parent, and even great parents make mistakes.

Post # 37
Member
2312 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

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@ItWasntMe: 

A close friend of mine in high school, and then college roommate, always told me how her brother and sister were favored over her. (She was the middle child.) But her older sister had to join the Air Force to pay for college, and my friend’s parents told my friend that as long as she kept her scholarship (in Georgia, you get a free ride if you maintain a 3.0 GPA) they would pay for her rent, books, living money, etc. She didn’t even have to have a part-time job while we were in college to help pay for anything.  She also got a car in high school which her older sister did NOT get, and when her brother got one, it was an older car, not from a car lot like my friend’s was. Her older sister ended up staying in the Air Force and never going to college after the minimum service was met, and the brother lived at home and went to a community college. I never understood how she could view herself as being treated the “worst” out of the three, yet be handed so much that the other two weren’t. 

Post # 38
Member
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

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@ItWasntMe:  Just commenting on something you mentioned, not addressing it entirely…

I keep reading about how the oldest (or older) kids in the family had to work for things, but the youngest was handed everything… that is not how it was for me at all!  I’m over here laughing as I read; it just seems so odd.  My sister was given everything, from her first car to her college education, and I (the youngest) had to pay for everything on my own.  I would have called her spoiled, but she was such a good kid (and teenager), I think she earned them in her own way.  It wasn’t cool driving a beat-up orange Ford Tempo while she had a gorgeous new Mustang… lol, I guess my parents would have paved the way for me to stay on the straight and narrow too! 

(Doesn’t have much to do w/ birth order, sorry…)

Post # 39
Member
5667 posts
Bee Keeper

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@jjmomma: I think that it’s the rule and that your family was probably more of the exception. In my experience and in experiences of my close friends, it seems like
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smyley is (in general) right on.

 

Post # 41
Member
5789 posts
Bee Keeper

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@jjmomma: HaHa…well, in your case, and since they bought her a car and paid for college, they were OUT of money when you came along!

In my world, my Dad thought it was ‘stupid’ for women to go to college ‘just to get a husband’…and he really believed that! My brother went on a full scholarship/appointment to the Naval Academy, so it seemed that his life was the only one that mattered. I went on my own, with no help or encouragement.

 All that was expected of the rest of us (3 girls) was that we got a job and found a man, I guess. He IS almost 90 now, so it explains a lot, and he’s even apologized to me about being so blind about it.

 

Post # 42
Member
3196 posts
Sugar bee

This is really interesting! From the article, anyone who knew me and knows that research would think I’m the oldest or an only child. I’m definitely more driven and successful than my older sibling. And I socialize, but not overly much, with other people (like the youngest is supposed to). I think that I’m the favorite of one parent, but the other parent favors my sibling….just a balance thing. I think it also has a lot to do with personalities/interests of the children and if they have anything in common with the parent.

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