Do not want to attend my ex's intervention.

posted 10 months ago in Emotional
Post # 16
539 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Honestly, I’d block all of his family member’s phone numbers. Definitely don’t go to his “intervention” and keep moving on 🙂 you got this!

Post # 17
3628 posts
Sugar bee

I totally agree that the OP should completely disregard the exMIL at this point, but why, after 3 weeks is there an intervention for the OP’s stbxh because he is drinking and partying WITH the sister and her friends, but the daughter literally just got arrested for possession of drugs and no one is bothering with an intervention for her???

I mean, the stbxh was also in a band that was going nowhere and not bringing income or working or being a super productive member of society before, but now everyone is concerned?


Post # 18
932 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

Wow your ex and his family are really something else. I remember when your first posted you two seemed pretty normal. Your husband wanted to start a band with a women named Jan and you were pissed. So he left because you didn’t support him. 3 weeks after that he is hanging around his porn star sister having sex with oher porn starts drinking doing coke. Now it’s a couple of weeks later and his mom wants an intervention. This family has a lot of drama that’s for sure. If you don’t want to do the intervention than don’t do it. Like we told you about him and his sister cut all ties. Stop getting updates on these people every 3 weeks. My god. Wash your hands and be done. You were not even married that long and you didn’t have kids with him. Stop. You have the control now. His whole family seems like whack jobs!!!! I guess we will see you in a couple of weeks.

Post # 19
469 posts
Helper bee

Does this lady even know what an intervention is? The idea is that it’s not anybody’s fault but the person the intervention is for. You don’t owe anyone in that family crap and if that’s how his mother is, well then clearly the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. 

Post # 20
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

In what universe would your presence help at an intervention? What exactly do you “owe” this man? If anything, he owes you for having wasted his time. Is this the guy who wasn’t steadily employed but wanted to start a band? Thank goodness these are exes. Don’t buy into your EX MIL’s emotional baggage and abuse. You have no reason to keep talking to her. You were smart to get out when you did. If ex Mother-In-Law truly thought you were part of the problem, she wouldn’t have invited you to the intervention in the first place! Such a hypocrite.

Post # 21
8944 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
sweetiemermaid :  “Am I in the wrong here?” — No. His mom is just one more car in the trainwreck that is his family. Block them all and praise baby Jesus (or yourself!) that you didn’t procreate with this jackass and permanently tie yourself to them. For real, block them all. You do not need them in your life and do not owe them anything.

Post # 22
1492 posts
Bumble bee

Wasn’t he the one that left you? Promised to get a job after marriage but instead decided to do music and wanted you to support him emotionally and financially?

Ita not your fault and you should stay away from the intervention (seriously, intervention?!)

Post # 23
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Baton Rouge, LA

Well, at least we know where he gets the penchant for blameshifting and manipulation. ::eyeroll::

Your stbxMIL has a lot of nerve trying to blame you for her son’s shitty choices.  I understand that when in the midst of a divorce, it’s hard to completely disentangle yourself, especially after only a few weeks and when you have crappy people playing on whatever care you still have left for this guy to pull you back in.  Even if you weren’t married for that long, the love and care you have for a spouse isn’t something you can just switch off, no matter how terrible they are.

She’s flailing and desperate, and trying whatever means necessary she can to both shift the blame away from her precious baby boy and garner whatever support for him that she can guilt out of people. She’s going for where it hurts, and she knows it.  Dick move on her part, true.  Just remember that this BS reflects on the people they are, not on you.

Block the entire damn family and be done with it.  You deserve more than this.

Post # 24
6918 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I think it’s wise of you to tell her that you want no parts of this. I also think you should block all of their numbers, as well. At this point, you should only be communicating via lawyers about the bare minimum as it relates to your divorce.

You two don’t have any kids (right?) so it’s not like there’s any reason that you need to have any further contact with them. Divorce means “we’re done here” and everyone goes their own ways and makes their own choices. Apparently, for your ex, that means becoming a crackhead and dabbling in possibly getting sexually transmitted diseases. That has nothing to do with you.

As soon as his mother wrote back the thing about you owing him and being partially responsible and heartless, I would have written back “Fuck you, Patricia. Go talk to the lady in the mirror.” and then deleted and blocked her ass.

Post # 25
11390 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
sweetiemermaid :  

Stop. Talking. To. These. People.

Post # 26
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

You are not heartless, you are broken hearted.  She had no right to say that to you.  I understand that he is her son, and she is trying to help him, but blaming his choices on anyone, including the porn sister, will not help him.  He is an adult and in charge of himself.  You are practicing good self care and I applaud you for sticking by your guns.  Please do not let a dysfunctional family drag you any further into their dysfunction. 

I am sending you positive thoughts and wishing all of the best for you as you transition your life.

Post # 27
3628 posts
Sugar bee

OP, I would also recommend going to get tested.  I would be very concerned about your stbxh’s actions leading up to your separation.  He was already leading a “rock star” life and if he has gone so far off the deepend after a couple weeks, I’d assume that maybe he was dabbling prior to the separation.


Post # 28
698 posts
Busy bee

You don’t want to go. So don’t. Do not do this thing!

you don’t owe anyone your time, care, explanations, or presence. 

You are not responsible for others’ choices. Take care of yourself!

Post # 29
1235 posts
Bumble bee


View original reply
whitums excellent response and paraphrasing it a little:

“Trying to assign blame to me for Ex’s poor choices when he is a consenting adult is ridiculous and we both know this.  However if we ARE flinging blame around, perhaps you should look in the mirror as the woman who raised two kids who are both partying and taking hardcore drugs as adults.  For all future communication with me, please direct your questions to my lawyer”


Post # 30
794 posts
Busy bee

Fuck. That.

Block all of these people please. 

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