(Closed) Do not want traditional gifts…What to do?

posted 6 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
37 posts

My cousin did the honeymoon registry. We thought it was an awesome and original idea that took a lot of pressure out of choosing a gift.

Post # 4
4485 posts
Honey bee

Both are rude even though some people have no problems with them. You cannot prevent someone from buying you a traditional gift if they choose to purchase one.

Post # 5
1425 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Friends of ours moved three weeks after their wedding and asked for money instead of gifts within their invitation. I see no problem with doing this. Of course, I see no problem including registry information within an invitation. I’m in the minority. Do whatever you feel is best for your situtation.

Post # 6
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

No advice, but where in MI are you moving?

Post # 7
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

a honey-fund is perfectly ok, and just explain your reasons to your wedding party and they can pass that on to the guests who inquire.  I’d recommend having a shower with a few games or other things to keep the guests entertained, since they wont be watching you open the gifts– but I think that’s perfectly fine. 

Post # 9
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

People on the bee disagree a lot about things like this, but I’m on the side of saying it’s NEVER okay to tell people you want money.  Showers are typically for gifts which can be opened.  I hate to say it, but if you don’t want boxed gifts, you probably shouldn’t have a shower at all.  You could call it a tea or some other kind of party and indicate that people shouldn’t bring gifts.


Post # 10
19 posts
  • Wedding: September 2012

OOO same date!!  But yeah, I wouldn’t ask for money.  I think it’s fine to give money if you choose. I think it is a lot like homeless people asking for money when you offer to buy them a sandwich, and it seems rude to ask for a specific gift when it is charity or out of the goodness of someone’s heart.  I like to know how my money is being spent so a honeymoon deposit is fine but oftentimes those are just cash places that you don’t have to spend on the honeymoon.  Who knows where it is really going.  I’m not trying to say brides who want cash are like homeless people who want money for drugs or anything, but I can definitely see it from a guest’s point of view that they want to know their gift is going toward something they approve.  Like my fiance’s Mormon side would never want to buy a coffeemaker for us even though it is on our registry nor would they want us to use their money for that.

I’m moving to Hawaii and right now in NJ so I’m hoping to not get gifts until the month prior when I’ll be in my final destination.  Just make a registry and hopefully put a rack on top of the car or something to hold items.  You will always go back to your parents later to visit for holidays or something to pick up the rest if necessary, or just pay for fedex home/ground shipping (75lbs giant oversized box is only $33 from NJ to GA so it can’t be too bad). 

Post # 11
3697 posts
Sugar bee

@loohoo12:  I sympathize with your circumstances, but unfortunately it’s always presumptuous to a) assume anything about gifts, even though it’s basically a foregone conclusion that people will want to give them to you, and b) dictate what people should give.

– People do want to give wedding gifts, and a lot of them do want to give you a tangible “thing” rather than money or a gift card. That’s just human nature and the psychology and sociology of gift-giving.

– Some more practical minded people are fine with and supportive of honeymoon registries, etc. It’s fine for you to set one up, but you shouldn’t publicize it (leave that to the hostesses of the showers, family members, BMs, etc.) and definitely shouldn’t put info about any registry directly in the invitation.

– as a “defensive tactical measure” you could do a registry at a nationwide store where you’ll be able to do returns, and you might think about choosing a place where, if you accumulate a lot of store credit from returning “decoy” gifts, you could put it toward bigger-ticket things you genuinely need like furniture, etc. For the record, I am uncomfortable with how cynical this is (and you definitely need to write thank you notes to the guests saying how much you love the specific item they picked out, how thoughtful it was, etc., so it is pretty deceptive). On the other hand, it does satisfy the guests’ desire to get you an object they enjoyed picking out, and it does eventually turn into something you are able to use. So, not an ideal strategy, but it is something you could think about doing.

Post # 12
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  I can understand the stressors of moving…my Fiance just moved back yesterday, and we are still looking for a place to live.

  What about creating a smaller registry with easy to pack items? Towels, sheets, linens, bedding…maybe a few kitchen things.

Post # 13
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@KCKnd2:  WOWUndecided If I was a guest and found out you registered with every intention to return the gift I would be disgusted.

Post # 14
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I see nothing wrong with honeymoon funds or not registering. I think registries are a bunch of crap and why does everyone think you HAVE to have one? I would much rather give a couple a gift I know they wanted or needed instead of china that will sit in the cabinet collecting dust.

Do what you want to do OP and don’t let other people make you feel bad.

And I agree with keepsmiling19. Maybe do a small registry with easy to pack and small items for those that feel they need to buy you a tangible gift.

Post # 15
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We are asking everyone to bring things to fill our pickup with donations for the animal shelter instead of blenders and candles and crap. Good luck! 🙂

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