(Closed) Do people ask if your pregnancy was a "surprise"?

posted 7 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 17
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Ours was actually a surprise pregnancy, but so many people assumed we were trying so only a few actually asked if it was planned/surprise. It sucks both ways – ours being a surprise and me winding up so sick (I had to tell work by 7 weeks), it was so hard to get excited about it and all these people telling me ‘congrats’ and ‘so when do you plan to have the next?’. Um hello, let me get through this pregnancy and then maybe, just maybe, we can talk about that.

I have been asked “how long were your trying”, which definitely annoys me, especially since we weren’t. When I tell them “we weren’t” I get the whole “ohh you guys must be really fertile”. Makes me want to punch someone everytime. FYI – my surprise is because I didn’t even ovulate until CD108. Who expects to ovulate that late?

Post # 18
Member
1222 posts
Bumble bee

Not pregnant, but I will hate these kind of questions. I’m an extremely private person- I’d probably answer with a passive aggressive, “This baby will be loved just the same either way so why does it matter?”

Post # 19
Member
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’ve been asked a couple times if it was planned, and so has my husband. I find it so strange…especially since we’ve been married for several years, have been very open about the fact that we would be having kids when we were ready, and we just bought a much bigger house! To me all of these facts make it pretty obvious that it was planned! But even if it wasn’t, why do you need to know?  

Post # 20
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@ndfreitag:  We’ve gotten that quite a few times now. I’m assuming it’s because we’re a young married couple and we started trying only a couple months after the wedding so I think people ‘assumed’ that it was on accident, which it wasn’t. I feel like sometimes people pretend there is some year wait minimum or something. I know some people choose to ‘enjoy married life and wait’, which is their perogative, but my husband and I have been together for almost six years as it is, we were ready to start a family, so we started trying. Luckily for us, it didn’t take long at all! 🙂

Post # 21
Member
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I’ve gotten it a few times.  It was planned, but I was 14 weeks at the wedding, so most people assume that it was a surprise. 

Post # 22
Member
9095 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

“What ever happened to a good old fashioned “congratulations”? I just needed to vent. “

Because sometimes people aren’t happy about the pregnancy.

Back home, before I moved to Oklahoma, I had a casual friend who worked at a big box store that I regularly frequented. One day while she was checking me out, she told me she was pregnant. She told me in a normal, “I’m pregnant!” kind of way. Not overly chipper, but nonetheless she put on a good show. Instead of saying, “Was this intended?” I asked her if this pregnancy was a good thing.

Her response, despite how up-beat the announcement, was a resounding no.

She was making minimum wage, her boyfriend had been laid off and a baby was not a good thing.

I didn’t feel right congradulating her over something that was distressing her, that would’ve been far ruder than asking her if it was intended. Instead, I told her I hoped things looked up and I went on my way.

Accidents happen. While your child may or may not have been planned, not every baby is a good thing. Pretty sure anyone who is your friend who asks you this is just trying to avoid rubbing salt in the wound if your child is not an ideal factor in your life at the moment.

Post # 23
Member
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@ndfreitag:  Hi there! You will find out that once you’re pregnant and sharing with the world that everyone has something to say!!!! So don’t fret too much and turn a blind eye. I’ve had all kinds of comments already, from how I look to judgements about my age, to health advice. People seem to acquire a god given authority to say what they like!! it’s nome of the business. Good luck! 

Post # 24
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I HATE this question, and made everyone who asked me sorry they asked it!

Post # 25
Member
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Ive wanted to ask certain people I know, tbh… Only because unplanned pregnancies drive me nuts and its hard to say ”congrats” and mean it when it was irresponsibility that put them in this position. A friend of mine has a 5 month old, shes 24, and when she told everyone, my reaction was worry…Her bf and her were not ready for a child nor were they using protection. It really aggrivated me to try pretend I was happy for them when I really, wasnt… BUT, I kept it to myself.

I think sometimes people say ”Congrats!” and they get a reaction like ”uhh yea not really”, like you can tell they arent happy about it. Some people find themselves in an ackward spot and dont know how to react I guess. Just say ”aww really, whens the due date?” and kinda leave the convo unless they continue on about how excited they are etc. 

Post # 26
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee

Haha I get this question a lot. I believe it’s because I am 24 and most people think I look a lot younger (usually guesses are 17-19).. at my last appointment, the receptionist asked if the name on my insurance card (my husband’s name) was my father.. when I told her it was my husband she looked at me dumbfounded like there was no way I could be married. In fact, when I got my hair done for my wedding, a hair dresser at the salon asked which school’s prom I was going to! So I’m used to it.

I don’t mind when friends or family ask if it was planned because I didn’t tell anyone that we were trying to conceive and it happened our first cycle trying, so there wasn’t long that I was keeping that secret. It’s just when people I don’t know well ask me that I’m kindof like.. wow really?

Post # 27
Member
5659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

LOL You know, I think there are a lot of times I WONDER that, but I never ask it! You should just respond with “it’s only a surprise to you”.

Post # 28
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Hyperventilate:  Fair enough if your friend clearly wasn’t happy about it. But I, and I believe most of the others here are talking about when we excitedly announce our pregnancies.

I was so happy, and to have a woman at work as me if my baby was an accident is beyond rude, innappropriate, and none of her business. 

Also, if the person announcing their pregnancy is happy, then why can’t others just be happy or at least pretend they are – it’s no ones business if the pregnancy was intended or not.

Post # 29
Member
3621 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Never “was it planned?” but I have gotten “are you happy about it??” um… I’m sitting here with a shit eating grin on my face and I’m totally devistated. What do you THINK?

Post # 30
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MissBling:  My pregnancy was a surprise. I was on birth control and used it 100% correctly – how is that irresponsible? 

This is what annoys me. People who automatically assume if the pregnancy wasn’t planned that “they were being irresponsible”.

Post # 31
Member
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

@MrsSmokey:  Im on birth control as well but my Fiance also uses condoms……….. I refuse to rely on just birth control. Besides, in MOST cases of accidental pregnancy, more could have been prevented. Im sorry if you were one of those very few who actually took every neccessary prevention option….

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