(Closed) Do people not understand how to fill out a RSVP?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 47
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I am unsure WHY we expect people to knowthat:  The M is a French abbreviation for Monsieur or Madame and the rest of the title is not written out.  Names and a line makes a lot more sense.  I know how to fill out the M____ but I don’t get or like it.  

M___First Last and GuestFirst Last___  Doesn’t seem like a natural answer.

M___s. First Last___  Doesn’t look right and is not my title.

M____Dr. First Last___  Seems haughty.


Post # 48
457 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I hate the M. My title is Dr., and it pisses me off when someone addresses my invitation to Ms. and then wants me to reinforce the Ms, by having the M. I sometimes just ignore the M and write my first and last name, sans title. My invitations said “Name(s)” for that reason.

Post # 49
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@thefuturemrsherdt: hahah I love it…. Im glad someone hates the “M” as much as I do… thank you I can write my own m… then I feel like well shoud I write M__Ms.eseds or should I write M__s. eseds!  So annoying…

Great post by the way… I will now be numbering all of my invitations… and for anyone who didnt read an early thread about getting an empty envelope… it might help to number those too!  Sigh people are special… Maybe we should refer our family and friends to weddingbee so that they get on board with wedding etiquette

Post # 50
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

weddings are such a great way to remind ourselves how stupid the average person is and of course have a laugh!!! 

Post # 51
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Okay I read from Miss Manners that she would not send out a R.s.v.p card or envelope bc it is saying that people dont know how to respond to a formal invitation so it is kind of like a diss if you get one.  I thought, “great, that saves me the time and money of making R.s.v.p. cards.”  However, I think guests kind of expect those cards.  Will people think I dont know how to make an invitation to a wedding or that I am cheap or not being polite if I dont send one?  I will probably just make them bc ppl will expect it.

Post # 52
1692 posts
Bumble bee

@gulbraa44: It’s catch-22 for you: send the nasty little cards, and people who are familiar with formal parties will assume you don’t know any better and got all your social education out of wedding magazines; fail to send them and the majority of people who are *not* familiar with formal social situations will assume you made a mistake.

I have no problem ever with people choosing to do things their own way — but I don’t like it when they go half-formal, with the stilted third-person wording of a formal invitation, and half impersonal/commercial with a fill-in-the-blanks pre-printed form. REALLY silly is when they talk to their guests, get a verbal or text or email response, and then insist on the guest mailing back the form because “that’s proper”. The highest aesthetic principle is “form follows function”: if they already got their answer, and dropping a form-letter in the mail isn’t going to make the answer any more thoughtful or personal — and since it is not in fact proper after all — why are they stressing over the cards? I’d FAR rather see people using e-r.s.v.p.s than a phoney made-by-The-Wedding-Industry protocol.

Post # 53
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I had been warned by past brides of the M________________ headaches, so I totally avoided it in my RSVP! LOL


Post # 54
1 posts
  • Wedding: July 2013

Thank you all SOOOO much for this thread! I have been anxious abotu sending out my invitations and I still have months before that step. I have designed all my printables and the RSVP’s have been stressing me out. I know how to fill one out but god bless them some of the people I know are NOT going to get it. This thread gae me some great ideas on how to modify my RSVP without losing the integirty of the design. THANK YOU!!

Post # 55
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Franklin Plaza

Wanted to tag this thread.

Post # 56
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I had no idea what the M was for on an RSVP the first time I went to fill one out. It took me an hour of googling too to figure it out. Needless to say because of that I’d rather put a blank line with the word “Name(s)” under it. Then if you want to respond with Doctor, Miss, Mrs, Mr., Ms., or just John Doe, it works.

As for an RSVP card not being useful, I still think it is. It puts all the information I need from you in one place: names, if you are attending or not, and what meal you want. If I’ve bothered to mail an RSVP card, address the RSVP card envelope, and put a stamp on it, it’s the very least someone could do to take the 2 minutes to fill it out and then drop it in a mailbox. In my case I can guarantee if you respond some other way, I will forget you already RSVp’d and have to come after you to ask again if you wanted fish or chicken. It just makes it easy to mail the RSVP card.

Post # 57
37 posts
  • Wedding: July 2013

I just want to say that I think it is hilarious hearing everyone complain about how people don’t read instructions and are too lazy to figure things out on their own and don’t have any common sense. I am a teacher and these are things I deal with each day. I tell my students I’m glad I will be dealing with only adults for my wedding so that I don’t have to deal with these things. I guess not haha.

Post # 58
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I have a gripe about the opposite, brides not understanding etiquette / doing strange things I consider pretty rude with their invites. I think we’re pretty relaxed about these things in Aus, but I received an invite that had “Attendees: _________ & __________ ” on the response card…but was told my group of friends weren’t able to bring guests. Um, don’t put an “&” on all the response cards if you’re not allowing people to bring guests!

You might say it was for whoever the invite was addressed to, but they were handed out in person with no names on them. Furthermore, I felt it was so weird that my Fiance wasn’t invited, as I had been with him for years and the bride had met him plenty of times. Apparently she tried to not invite someone’s husband too, but he ended up coming. I get number issues (as I’m dealing with this myself atm), but I wouldn’t not invite someone’s partner that they’ve been with for years and years because they’re technically not “my” friend.

Post # 59
13 posts
  • Wedding: April 2013

I made my response cards easy



______ number of guest ready to party

______ Unable to come

I have just received one without a name… not sure what we are going to do since the favors have names and I will have a seating chart.

I am think of this:

If your name is not on this chart you are at table 10

Rude or not rude?

Post # 60
1274 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

We also avoided the “M”!!

Post # 61
11231 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

While I would love to get a handwritten letter as an RSVP, I’ve never heard nor seen that done…anywhere. I don’t know anyone who would do or send one. 

Our RSVP cards read:

“Please respond by July 26, 2013


___ of _(filled by us)_ attending

____ will attend with bells on

____ will not attend, heard there will be people wearing bells”

Each will be numbered on the back.

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