Do people pay attention to her their save the date/invitations are addressed to?

posted 4 days ago in Wedding Related
Post # 2
Member
6548 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

You’ve answered your own questions really: different people have different experiences which will influence how they interpret the addresses on the STD’s and invites; some don’t know the addressing format has significance at all; and some will read the website while others won’t. As the hostess, you need to be prepared to explain stuff to folks, kindly and graciously, and to not take it personally when someone draws a different conclusion from the envelope than you’d intended. Does this mean you might have some uncomfortable conversations about other people’s kids not being invited? Yup, it sure does. But that’s part of what you sign on for when you choose a no-kids wedding.

 

” If your invite is addressed to just you, we would love for just you to attend!” “

By The Way this line on your website is a bit snarky and could be worded much better.

Post # 4
Member
266 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
@bride2022: Following because I am curious as well. I am leading people to my website FAQ as well and hoping they will read it. We are only allowing kids who are part of the family attend. If we allowed everyone to bring their kids, we would have 60+ kids in attendance and that is just not doable. 

 

Here’s what I have on my website about kids: We wish we could include all children. Due to necessity rather than choice, it is children of immediate family only, many of whom are traveling from out of town. We hope you understand and enjoy your night off!

 

And about plus ones: If your invitation says “and Guest,” then yes, if not, we would prefer if it was just you.

Post # 5
Member
2005 posts
Buzzing bee

Since you have a FAQ section, I would just put under the question about plus ones etc “Due to venue restrictions, we only have space for those named on our invitations.  We regret we are unable to invite family members/plus ones” or something similar.  

Post # 6
Member
266 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
@bride2022:  Check out Jamie Wolfer on youtube. She has an entire video on this topic. It is entitled “NO KIDS ALLOWED: How to Communicate your Adults Only Event “. 

Post # 7
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2020

On our invites we put 1 or 2 seats have been saved in your honor. I figured this would make people see it was only them or just the couple, no kids. We also had on our website Adult Only.

  • This reply was modified 4 days, 17 hours ago by bbbb21.
Post # 8
Member
2761 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I think you were fine, until you said it was a “domestic destination wedding”.  I don’t think it’s fair to not offer a +1 when people are travelling for your event.  I understand the “no kids” option, but you have to respect that people may not want to travel to a destination without their children (it doesn’t sound like a matter of getting a babysitter for a few hours)

Post # 10
Member
2583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Honestly, ESPECIALLY with a destination wedding, I think you need something specific right on the invitations. As much time and energy as we pour into wedding websites (I was so guilty of this), like, 99% of people don’t bother looking at them. In real life, childfree weddings are not the default, especially when travel is involved. Same with not offering a plus one. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with any of what you’re doing, but by not making it explicit on the invitation itself (in my extended, loving Midwestern family, Joe and Jane Smith would absolutely think their two toddlers were invited despite them not being named on the invite, and it’s not because they’re entitled, it’s because they didn’t read that closely and it’s not the norm), you’re setting yourself up for stress and confusion. 

Post # 11
Member
757 posts
Busy bee

Maybe it’s just me, but I think it’s a little strange to only invite partners who are “married, engaged or living together”…how are you going to enforce that? Demand to see an engagement ring or proof of residence?

Post # 12
Member
595 posts
Busy bee

Sorry but destination wedding albeit domestic and no plus 1 unless you are living together at a minimum, that’s tough on a lot of people. Expect some declines from that particular cohort of your guests. As for the no kids, I don’t think people pick up on that too well, I suggest your immediate families help disseminate that info through their friend groups and family members. 

Post # 13
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

How large is your wedding? If it’s managable I highly recommend just talking to everyone who has kids and being explicit. That’s what we did, even before we sent out save the dates. Luckily everyone was thrilled (they were all desperate for date nights lol), and even the one person I was nervous about was so happy to hear it. We gave them a full year. Ours was not destination but was a destination for some. As in they don’t all live in our city. So there were a few couples where one partner had to stay with the kids, but it was something we understood might be a possibility. Ultimately it worked so well, everyone was lovely and it seemed to me everyone had a great time.

So yeah, I’d just talk to them. They are your friends and family after all, you are close enough to them to want them on your special day, surely having a conversation would do the trick! 

Post # 15
Member
909 posts
Busy bee

I wouldn’t stress about the date thing. Our friends are similar, and even when we offered them a plus one many of them turned it down (even ones in newish casual relationships). 

As for the invites – I would directly specify ‘No Kids’ in your situation. If your circle are used to kids being invited, they may assume they are without even thinking about it. Or they’ll forget who the invite was addressed to nearer to the date.

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