(Closed) Do people REALLY do this?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Westwind YWCA camp

wow, I’m so sorry you’re going through this!  That sucks!  Maybe I missed it, but did you talk to your Future Mother-In-Law about this directly?

I really think you should put your foot down – at some point you can’t please everyone!  To those who weren’t invited, are inviting themselves and others, etc, tell them you’re touched that they want to share such a special day with you, but (maybe through in something about the financial crisis?) you can’t afford/ don’t have time/ don’t have space/ etc to fit in ANY more people.

Be strong! 

Post # 4
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2007

Vent away, honey!!

I am blunt and no-nonsense. I would personally call up the people who invited an extra guest without asking you and let them know politely that you won’t be able to accommodate their guest, but would be thrilled to have them at your wedding! Mention other family members or guests that they know or are friendly with and say that you are looking forward to celebrating with them all.

Post # 5
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

AWFUL <font size=”2″ color=”#81a026″>ejs4y8</font>, I would be in the same position as you – ANNOYED!

My Future Mother-In-Law is pretty much doing the same, she has started to ask/invite people (without consulting me, without having an invite for them etc) AFTER we confirmed out guest list, which we can’t add more people too cause its at the top of how many people we could invite in the first place!

You definetly need to say something! get your point across, maybe she just doesnt realize what a burden it is, and it’s definetly a burden! Maybe then once she gets a little more insight she may change the way she feels

I would definetly be fuming if people ended up showing up that in the end didn’t RSVP. We send out invitations for a reason, and expect the common curtousy to send us back the RSVP (that we have paid for postage no less) and give us a yes or no.

oh man, you may have started to make me a little worried now! ha ha

Post # 6
Member
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

It’s rude, but it’s so common today (people are too busy in their own lives to worry about others and their deadlines/requests). 

My suggestion is that if you’re doing escort cards, you have yourself covered.  You only buy that amount of meals.  You will have some no-shows from your considerate RSVP-ers, so if you have some show up, then maybe they get a plate.  If everyone shows up that RSVPed, well they’re out of luck, hope they hit the Taco Bell drive thru on their way over.

Post # 7
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

You should really talk to your fiance about it first and hopefully he’ll understand the situation and then HE should talk to his mother about it.  She’ll probably listen to him since its her son.  I wouldn’t even think about arguing with my Future Mother-In-Law about this.  She gives me a major headache when it comes to wedding stuff and I let my fiance deal with her.  I found it works best because he can put his foot down and set her straight. 

I’m also worried about guests who bring other people that aren’t invited because we are also having a sit down dinner and the caterer will need our guest count a couple of weeks before the wedding. 

For brides that have been married already…do people actually randomly show up?  What do you do? 

Post # 9
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Sorry to hear  you’re having such a time!!! That is terrible though, and I’d be having just as big if not bigger of a problem as you. She really has no right to just say ok to people when you and your Fiance are paying! For one it’s inconsiderate because frankly if you wanted them there they’d be invited, and second she’s running up a bill that she’s not paying!

If i were you I would talk to her and say something like "could you save me a little trouble and tell people to call ME when they call you about the wedding".

 

Good Luck!

Post # 10
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2009

You know what…the issue of people showing up who didn’t RSVP or weren’t invited at all is giving me anxiety attack, for real…coz u know why, i know it is bound to happen and will definitely happen. It’s one of those things i refer to as "just my luck" and i have no control of.

My fiance and I are asians (i’m filipino, he’s chinese/vietnamese), i think it’s typical for asians to commit this horrible sin, so i’m slowly preparing myself for it.  My fiance’s side of the family doesn’t usually do the whole RSVP thing which is totally scaring me.  Most of their weddings are held in a chinese restaurant/banquet so they don’t get charged per person, but per table.  That means it’s not a problem for them to bring extra people coz they’ll just get extra chairs and sit anywhere.

Like most of u, i’m having a seated dinner.  We’re paying $130 per head.  I was already advised by his mom and brother to "reserve" extra seatings for some of their family visiting from another country/province coz they "might" come to the reception.  Will i reserve them seats? Hell no.  Will unaccounted people show up that night? Hell yes.  My solution: create escort cards for all the expected guests, anyone who shows up and can’t find an escort card, they can face the wall and stay there for the rest of the night for being an inconsiderate person or they can just simply go home.  Or they can ask my fiance’s mom or brother to switch places with them every other course meal…

 

Post # 11
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I hate to freak you out, but people totally do this. Last summer I went to a formal sit-down dinner…black tie required.  People showed up in jeans and couldnt find their names amongst the seating assignments.  I witnessed twp people asking , where is my name.  The coordinator asked the couple, did you RSVP?  They said, we didnt think we had too.  Clearly, they didnt even get an invitation!!  They were in jeans…Ive had a ton of friends complain to me about people who RSVPs no and then showed up and people that they didnt invite coming too…

Post # 12
Member
2025 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

So sorry this is happening to you. Yes, my Mother-In-Law did the same thing (what is is with them?), and I Ok’d some and said no to others. I know that I cried out of frustration every time I got off the phone with her about it.

On the wedding day, I know for sure that 2 extra people who were never invited came, and that a couple of other people brought their children that either had told me were not coming, or who were just not invited. That said, about 6 people who had said they were coming never showed, so it must have worked out in the end.

I can give you this advice, though; Don’t stress yourself and make assumptions about who will and won’t be there. Just plan for exactly what you know, and let those idiots figure it out for themselves once they get there. You will be so unconcerned on the actual day, and you may not even notice if there is a bit of confusion. It all pretty much gets handled during the cocktail hour anyways when you are off taking pictures. I even had a seating chart, and they all just worked it out on their own.

It must have been awkward not having an escort card to refer to and realizing it was because you weren’t invited…punishment enough!

This is the one thing I wish I hadn’t worried about so much….it all worked out just fine, and I never had to get involved on the day of. Good Luck!!

Post # 13
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Yes people do this.  A couple that my parents had tried to call several times showed up with no RSVP to my sister’s wedding.  My mom bent over backward to try to find them a spot, but they left in a huff b/c they had no escort card.  WTF?!?  That said, I think you can probably save yourself some headache by following up with non-replies.

I think the best thing is, 1. don’t let it stress you.  This is your MIL’s deal.  And *you* should not have to deal with this on your wedding day.  Let her be the one to tell them there’s no space if she has to.  2. ask your caterer how they handle this.  I think it’s typical that they make extra food (I mean, what if a waiter drops a tray or something?).  They probably have some kind of contingency.  

Post # 14
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Unfortunately, people do just show up. I was at a plated wedding (with assigned seating) where someone who had RSVPed "no" just showed up anyhow! Then she was offended that there was no seat set up for her. Worse, there was NO extra room. It was already too full. The bride actually had to direct the venue coordinator to get an extra chair and place setting and literally stuff it in at an already over-crowded table. Why do people do things like that? Another wedding I was at recently had several crashers… as in, no one invited them or even okayed their presence. Invited guests just decided to bring along friends, without even mentioning it to the bride/groom/their parents. I can’t wait to see who shows up unannounced or doesn’t follow their RSVP at my wedding. Yikes.

Post # 16
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

i know you’re joking about having your DOC direct them to McDonalds, but that is EXACTLY what I’d do. If they don’t have an escort card, they’ll have to leave & by having a Coordinator do it, we don’t have to deal with it until later.

Fortunately, our wedding is "destination" for everyone but us, so there shouldn’t be too many surprises at the reception. However, I don’t want to even think about how to handle non-RSVP’ers or extra guests that actually TRAVEL all the way here without space for them!!

The topic ‘Do people REALLY do this?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors