Post # 1
I carefully worked with my fiance and both sets of parents to create our guest list. Before sending out invitations, I specifically asked about & confirmed that single adult friends of the parents would not get a plus-one.
Even though I thought I was clear on this issue, there have already been 5 such friends who have asked (through parents, of course) if they can bring someone. There is growing pressure from both mother and Mother-In-Law to allow the plus-ones.
I don’t want to be rude or seem like the bad guy, but we can only afford to have so many people attend. If they do not have a known significant other, I don’t see why I should pay for people I’ve never met to attend our wedding.
Is it ok to tell my mother and future Mother-In-Law that their single friends cannot bring a plus-one? What is your experience with plus-one fiascos, and how did you deal with them?
Thank you, Everyone!
Post # 2
I think it’s rude that they asked to bring a plus one. My mom has single adult friends and I told her that I’m not giving them plus ones so if they ask her, she can make it clear to them. She was totally fine with it. Don’t bend for them especially if you have limited room/budget and need to invite people you actually know and care about. If your mom or Mother-In-Law insist on plus ones for their friends, then maybe they should help cover those costs.
Post # 3
1) Who’s paying?
2) No, it is not required that they be given a plus-one.
3) That being said, it’s a very, very nice thing to do. It can be tough to go to weddings alone, and it’s nice to have a companion. Depending on your age and relationship history, you may not have experienced this.
4) Adults usually aren’t invited alone to formal social events (and before you say your wedding’s not formal, it is in the larger context of events. You’re sending invitations, etc. It’s not a text invite to a bar or “hey let’s go see a movie.”).
5) This has nothing to do with “not paying for someone I don’t know” and everything to do with your guests’ comfort. Trust me, you won’t care who’s there on the day of.
Post # 4
There is no concern etiquette wise, with not extending a plus one to someone who is not in a relationship. The guests also should know better than to ask for a date, but then again, very few parents seem to teach etiquette about invitations, for example.
Most adults are fully capable of mixing and mingling for the duration of the event. But let’s get real here. The excuse of not wanting people you don’t know at the wedding, doesn’t hold up well for most of us. Many couples invite guests who have partners they have never met- live- in partners, husbands , fiances etc. Furthermore, if you are having a traditional evening wedding with dancing, you are expecting those single people to dance with other guests’ boyfriends, fiances, husbands etc all evening.
You do not need to invite plus ones, but it is a thoughtful thing to do.
Post # 5
Idk I can see both sides.
We gave a plus one to any single adult that would be attending. They might not have an SO at the time the invitations went out, but who knows they could meet someone between that time and the wedding. They might just want to bring a friend. To us, their comfort was important so we included that in our budget. Our guest list was well mixed, as in: even without +1s, everyone there knew everyone else. Friends, family, everyone–we all get together regularly but sometimes it’s just nice to have your date, whether it’s a friend or an SO or whatever.
However, because it doesn’t seem as though you’ve budgeted for extra people…I think it’s okay to let your parents know that you simply can’t afford to add extra seats/plates at this point in the timeline. Reiterate to them that you will ensure that their friends are seated together so that they will know people around them, but at $50pp (or whatever your number is) that would be adding hundreds of dollars if they all brought an extra person.
Who knows, mom/MIL might offer to pay for those plates and at that point it’s up to you. But yeah I’d just be fim that you can’t afford it first of all, but more importantly you want this affair to be for your closest friends and family, and that you wouldn’t be comfortable having a bunch of people you don’t know at your wedding.
Fair warning: mom/MIL might still pressure, and friends of mom/MIL might still bring a date. You can express your feelings but just a heads up, they might do it anyway. If at all possible, depending on how many friends we’re talking here AND especially depending on budget implications and whether or not your mom/MIL would be willing to help with cost if you can’t cover it, I personally would let them do it (even though yes, it was rude to ask).
Post # 6
We didn’t extend plus-ones to our single friends. But if someone had expressed their discomfort to me and asked if they could bring someone I would have let them. I wouldn’t want them to come alone to my wedding and be upset that they weren’t allowed to have anyone else with them.
Post # 7
We gave everyone a plus one. So far no one is bringing any randos. I’ve been to weddings where I wasn’t given a plus one and it sucked.
The only people who’s plus ones I was worried about are those in our bridal party. We didn’t want randos in our party bus photos, so we just said no dates on the party bus.
Post # 8
No, single adults do not need to have plus ones. I think unless an adult is living with a partner, or is engaged/married, they do not get plus ones. I miiiiiiight make an exception if the person would not know another living soul at the event, but that’s up to your discretion. To be frank, weddings are expensive and when you have to limit the attendance of your own friends for numbers-sake, you shouldn’t have to accomodate people (plus ones) that you don’t know or aren’t close to. If you can swing it financially and have enough space in the venue, giving them a plus one would be a nice thing to do, but don’t feel like you have to.
Post # 9
Either allow +1s for everyone or no one. Do what you can afford.
Post # 10
Some single adults should be happy to attend alone, weddings are known to be places you can meet other single adults!
But even so, some people still need a babysitter, no matter how old they get!
Post # 11
Going to a wedding alone sucks, especially if don’t know anyone there or very few people, last thing you want to do is a be a third wheel or stuck by yourself all day and night. To me it is just common courtesy that if someone is single they get a plus one. The only time I would not give someone a plus one is if they were attending with family or had at least one single friend who was also attending. For example, me and my best friend were both single a few years ago and attended the same wedding, so no plus ones required really.
It might not be “required”, but it’s a nice thing to do and your guests will really appreciate you for it.
Post # 12
We budgeted to allow all adults, regardless if they were in a relationship or not, the ability to bring a guest. In our case it only involved a handful of people so it wasn’t big deal. We also have half our guests that have to travel to the wedding so we also thought it was nice to allow them to bring someone so they don’t have to travel alone.
But as you can tell we are in the minority. I always think you should allow guests to bring someone but it’s technically not against ettiquete to not do so.
Post # 13
That’s kind of harsh. I’m guessing you haven’t attended many weddings alone as an adult if you can’t empathize.
Post # 14
I would cut these people some slack – they were perhaps just clarifying that the invite was just for them. Even one of my best friends last year sent me an invite addressed only to me, so I just texted her and was like “hey is this for me, or for me and FI?” and she said Fi too. So perhaps they were just confused and checking.
But to your question, no its not required, though it is nice. We’re giving all our single adults a +1 (though its also a DW). I know one girl who will probably still show up alone, but if she brings a rando I dont really care lol.
Post # 15
Who would want to go to a wedding alone? You should have given everyone a plus 1 or just not invited them at all.