(Closed) Do Single Adults Need to Have a Plus One?

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 16
Member
1503 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’ve been to weddings alone and its totally fine- it is what you make of it. Don’t let people bully you into giving a plus one.

Post # 17
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Some of these comments make my eyes roll. I went to lots of weddings when I was single, and had a great time. No you don’t need to give single adults a +1.

But “single adult friends of the parents” sounds like middle aged people. Are you sure they’re not in relationships? I think it’s good to invite the partner of anyone in a relationship.

Post # 18
Member
3233 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

View original reply
DanaWeddingGuest :  Wow. I don’t think a +1 is a “babysitter”. I’ve gone to weddings alone and can tell you the whole meeting someone at the singles table is a myth. 

You don’t have to give a plus one to single people but I will say going by yourself if you aren’t friends with the family can be awkward.

Post # 19
Member
1220 posts
Bumble bee

We gave plus ones to everyone attending our wedding because we wanted to ensure our guests’ comfort.  That did mean we had some randoms that we’d never met (and will probably never meet again!) who got to enjoy our hospitality, but at least I was sure that I’d done my best to cater to my guests as best as I could, which in the end is the whole point of a wedding.

That said, in your case this is no longer an etiquette issue but a financial one: it sounds like you just cannot afford to extend plus ones to these guests, but you have already invited them. Given that your parents are the ones putting the pressure on you and especially because these are their friends not yours, I don’t think it would be unreasonable to ask them to pay for the cost of hosting these extra people.  If they cannot put forward the funds to pay for complete strangers to come to your celebration at their request, then they don’t get a say and these people don’t get plus ones.

Post # 20
Member
1503 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
livster :  This is a great solution!

Post # 21
Member
4092 posts
Honey bee

We gave all guests a +1, but we only had like 3-5 people who were truly single (not dating anyone, engaged, or otherwise). Three of those people brought friends I didn’t know, which was fine as the whole day was so overwhelming it didn’t really matter. Unless you’re talking about half your guest list potentially bringing strangers, I think the most polite thing to do is give everyone a plus one.

Post # 22
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Nope. I’ve made it clear that if you will know people at the wedding and you are not in a comitted relationship you do not get a plus one. Don’t care. Not my problem. when you have a wedding you can make your rules based off yourbudget. These are my rules based off mine. 

Post # 23
Member
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

“Sorry! Our friends that are our age would want to bring plus ones too, but it’s not in the budget. It wouldn’t be fair to allow so-and-so to bring a date if younger-so-and-so couldn’t.” 

Don’t throw the gauntlet that they can just pay for the extra guests. Don’t sell tickets to your wedding. 

Post # 24
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

The rule about only allowing engaged/married people or people living with each other a +1 always rubbed me the wrong way. Just because I did not believe in living with my BF before marriage doesn’t mean we aren’t serious. Thus, everyone got a plus one other than our teenage cousins.

Post # 26
Member
9388 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

it’s not necessary, but it’s appreciated.  Most won’t take you up on it, but a few who are casually dating someone might–and you never know, that might end up being their husband/wife down the line! I know I/DH were plus ones to a few weddings back when we were just starting out.  We only had one or two plus ones show up at our wedding–one of them was a guy we’d been rooting for our friend to hook up with for over a year so we were happy to see them together haha.

Post # 27
Member
2370 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

It may seem harsh, but going to a wedding stag can mean you meet new friends. It doesn’t always have to be a romantic interest. No matter where I have gone, I manage to meet people to have a pleasant time with. 

It all puts me in mind of this possible scenario: Guest? “who are all those people at that table?”

Bride: “That is my sister Schmoozan and her fiance; my cousin Dreckole and her boyfriend of 3 years; and my other cousin Bathleen and her date who I never met but who is really getting me my money’s worth at the open bar”

Post # 28
Member
486 posts
Helper bee

I’m in the every one should get a plus one boat. People always justify it by saying “they are adults, they should be fine alone” but then why doesn’t that apply to married guests as well. They are also adults. Why can’t they can’t attend alone if their partner doesn’t know the couple. They spend every night together, can’t they spend a few hours alone?

To me it’s because married people are respected and valued more over singles, and I think that’s crappy. I was single for a long time and am so over that lack of respect just because of relationship status. I’ve been only ever invited alone even to Destination Wedding so far. Even though my friends don’t know my Fiance any better,  no one would try that with me now just because I wear a little piece of metal around my finger. 

As PP pointed out, there will always be people you don’t know well or have never met in the form of cousins husbands, etc. Or people could be married at the time but divorce soon after, thus you never see that person again. 

Post # 29
Member
7442 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think anyone in an established relationship, whether living together or not, should be invited with their partner. I do not think singles need a plus 1 as far as etiquette is concerned, but it’s a nice gesture if you can afford it. It also depends on your social circle. In mine, it is not customary to give single people a plus 1, but if that’s the norm in your group then probably better to do it.

When I was single, I got invited to lots of weddings and never once was given a plus 1. I certainly didn’t expect it either. I usually knew other people at the wedding so it wasnt a problem. If I didn’t, and really didn’t want to attend, I would simply decline. Can’t imagine being gravely offended over it not being invited to attend with a rando…that just seems so entitled.

Post # 30
Member
653 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I don’t think so, but in order to make them feel less uncomfortable we did give the single adults we invited the option of bringing a plus one. Quite a few opted not to bring one, but we had room in our budget to accomodate all of the plus ones if everyone had brought someone. I think it is up to you, although I don’t think that it is mandatory to give single adults a plus one–unless you know that they are in a long-term established relationship. After all you are paying for that plus one! 

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