Do Single Adults Need to Have a Plus One?

posted 3 years ago in Guests
Post # 31
Member
945 posts
Busy bee

I’m in the same situation, our venue can only fill 100 max. I would say invite only those you really know. For us plus ones are only limited to engaged and married couples. We would consider serious relationships for close family members e.g: sister’s long-term boyfriend, but if it’s a coworker’s girlfriend or something like that, we’re not going to bother.

It’s all very well to say “give everyone a plus 1 or even allow all their 5-6 kids to come” if the venue can cater to unlimited number of people, but when you have very limited space and budget and a long list of people you’re dying to invite, I don’t see why we have to invite extra people who really have nothing to do with us. If they’re upset that we’re not inviting their 1 month long relationship partner, they can politely decline our invitation.

Sorry if that’s out of etiquette or rude or whatever, I’ve been to weddings where plus ones are politely not allowed due to small, private celebrations and everyone either showed up happily or just declined to go.

Post # 32
Member
3833 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

No, but if they don’t know anyone else they might be a bit lonely. 

Post # 33
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think it’s rude to not give adult single people plus ones. 

Post # 34
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

No, we calculated the cost of adding people to our small wedding. It came out to be about $200 per person. They may be mad at you now, but just wait until those single people get engaged themselves, and they’ll realize why plus ones are an issue.

Also, we absolutely do not want people we don’t know at our wedding unless married to or engaged to someone we know. We wanted a small intimate wedding, and that’s what we’re doing. I do not want to spend my special day greeting strangers etc. If a couple can choose not to invite extended family to a small wedding, they can certainly exclude plus ones for single guests. With that said, we will not be having a dance after dinner – even then though, if you’re single, you’re single.

Post # 35
Member
488 posts
Helper bee

theotherbride :  But why are you fine with paying $200 for peoples husbands and wives that you don’t know? And why are you happy to spend your special day greeting those people? I’m sure you aren’t close friends with every single one of your friends partners so there will be strangers there. Not to mention you can’t possibly know all your partners friends and family and all their partners that well. Why not just make it “no one invited who you don’t know,  married or not” if that is important to you. 

Post # 36
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

pancakes11 :  We just want a small, intimate wedding. If you’re engaged, you’re likely to be in that person’s life for a long time. Same obviously, if you’re married. If it’s not marriage or engagement,  and we know the other person, then they get a plus one too. If neither my Fiance or I know if the guest is in a relationship off the top of our heads, we’re not going to automatically give them a plus one. 

Post # 37
Member
488 posts
Helper bee

theotherbride :  What does it matter how long they are in your friends life for, the point is you don’t know them and you don’t want to pay or greet people you don’t know.

Anyway then why couldn’t a friend bring an old friend of 20 years or a sibling. That person is likely to be in the persons life forever – not like a marriage or engagement which unfortunately end all the time. 

The bottom line is that there is an attitude that married people are entitled to something and single people can suck it. And I think that’s rude. 

Post # 38
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Our guest list is limited by budget and venue. We’d rather use our slots on the people we know, and the people who are married and/or engaged to the people we know. We have plenty of circles we had to not invite to keep things small and intimate, unknown plus ones are on the bottom of our list and the ones to go first.

Post # 39
Member
7816 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

pancakes11 :  I think you are misrepresenting the logic behind inviting spouses/partners. It’s not a matter of how long the bride/groom have known the partner…it’s a matter of respecting the social unit. It’s the height of rudeness IMO to ask someone to celebrate your relationship by coming to your wedding, while not respecting theirs enough to invite them with their partner.

Married people, engaged people, and people in established relationships are a social unit. This is a fact. It does not make them “better” than single people, but it does mean that they need to be invited together. I don’t get why this is so hard to understand…I didn’t even meet my fiance until I was almost 30 so I was invited to plenty of weddings as a single person and never given a plus 1. I did not find this offensive at all because I did not consider myself and whatever rando, whether a friend or some dude I went on 1 date with previously, to be a social unit, so I would never expect to be invited to a wedding with such a person.

On a related note…I don’t get these posts where bees are all butthurt that a stranger might attend their wedding. (Granted, my opinion might be skewed cause I’m having a big wedding and my parents invited a number of distant relatives/family friends I would barely recognize on the street lol.)  Like really why is that such a big deal? The majority of people at your wedding will be your close family/friends, is it really going to destroy you to see a few people you dont’ know that well or at all?

Post # 40
Member
488 posts
Helper bee

tiffanybruiser :  The PP above that I was responding to just said that is the logic for her, the reason for no plus ones is that they only want people that are going to be in their guests lives for a while – and also that they don’t want “strangers” and want to save money. 

Post # 41
Member
7816 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

pancakes11 :  Ah got it. Yeah I think that logic is bullshit. To me the rule is about social unites vs non social units…has nothing to do with how long I’ve known the person.

Post # 42
Member
498 posts
Helper bee

ariesscientist :  i absolutely agree with this. so if single guests are not allowed a +1, do you really expect them to sit alone, then eat their reception food alone making polite small talk to people they barely know, then it gets to first dance or whatever and you expect them to mingle alone?

No way. if that was me as the single guest ESPECIALLY if i had an established boyfriend or Fiance back home, I would not bother going. it is too awkward and embarrassing to be around a bunch of randos that you do not know as a single guest.

when i have been a single guest i have been sat on the ‘distant family’ tables and made small talk over the meal then just left as soon as politely possible. it sucked.

now, i would only go alone if i really knew and loved the couple. otherwise iw ould absoltely think it awkward to go alone.

regarding your situation – I would send the invites to the attendee only, and write something to the effect that they can contact you if they want to bring a +1 for an extra invite. because that way, people who WANT a +1 will bring one. people who dont have a+1 wont feel pressured to brning anyone.

Post # 43
Member
498 posts
Helper bee

theotherbride :  would you want to be invited to a wedding alone where you only knew the bride/groom? if you were invited, would you be comfortable to sit alone and make small talk with their cousins whom you have never met before all evening? and would you have a good time? how would your partner feel?

Post # 44
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

In the end, it comes down to budget. You do what you can afford and what the venue can accommodate. Don’t replan the whole thing because a couple of single adults can’t handle being in a social situation without a crutch.

Post # 45
Member
551 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I personally believe everyone should get a plus one so that is what I did.

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