(Closed) Do Single Adults Need to Have a Plus One?

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 46
Member
4925 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think that any hard and fast rule applies with plus ones and singles.

I do think that if its a destination wedding or if someone I’d taking a flight or travelling long distance, then a plus one is the right thing to do. I also think that if the person doesn’t know anyone else at the wedding then giving them the option of a plus one is polite.

An average wedding I go to in my circle costs around 200 bucks per person. If you give 10 people a plus one that’s an extra two grand for people whom probably won’t remember your name..

I went to plenty of weddings as a single person. I never expected a plus one. If I didn’t feel comfortable going alone I would just decline and not ask for a plus one. I actually think that is kind of rude of guests to do so. In your case I would tell your in-laws that they can cover the cost if its so important to them. 

Post # 47
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

We considered the scenarios of each single person…for example, a lot of our guests are coming from Ontario (we are in Alberta) so we thought some might be more inclined to come if they could bring a guest. However one of my bridesmaids is single, but she did not get a plus one because I know she would not mind, and anyway she’ll be sitting with the head table, be with us for pictures etc so her guest would be left alone a lot. Some single people on our list would not bring a plus one, and we knew that. 

It’s definitely tricky to navigate! It seems like no matter what you do someone will get offended! 

Post # 48
Member
497 posts
Helper bee

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weddingventing :  the issue is, why are single people with a partner being treated differently to married persons with a partner? it would be insulting to describe a person as “spouse of X” and yet to describe the long term partner of someone else as “a randomer” and to refer to that person as “single” and undeserving of a +1 when clearly they are not single.

a persons boyfriend or much loved partner is precisely that, not, as you described it, “a crutch”. so insulting.

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lola5 :  that is the polite thing to do. if i simply did not have the budget, I would allow people to ask to reserve more places upon request. 

Post # 49
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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DanaWeddingGuest :  Still harsh. Still guessing you never actually had to go to a wedding alone as an adult. People only meet other single people or “make new friends” at weddings in movies. Does not happen in real life. Most people are there with a partner or family members and have no interest in getting to know the random singles.

Grown-ups invite every adult with a guest. If you can’t afford that you need to scale back.

Post # 50
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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chachamaru :  Then you picked too small a venue. You’re prioritizing your venue over your guests.

Post # 51
Member
486 posts
Helper bee

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Shinytoy :  Exactly. People always say they can’t afford to pay for plus ones and they don’t have room for them, but they are fine with paying and making room for husbands and wives of guests. What’s the difference? You cant say that isn’t privileging married people more.

Post # 52
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I just wanted to throw this out there since people keep saying it doesn’t happen, but I actually met my ex at a wedding lol. He was a groomsman in his brothers wedding and I was a guest of the bride (my cousin). Neither of us had a plus one and we were in our 20s. So it does happen!

Post # 53
Member
940 posts
Busy bee

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fredthebasil :  “Grown-ups invite every adult with a guest. If you can’t afford that you need to scale back.”

Really? Who are you to decide who is a grown-up or not? That’s just rude. We all can have our opinions and our preferences of wedding planning. 

“Then you picked too small a venue. You’re prioritizing your venue over your guests.”

No, I’m prioritizing my budget and my wish to have a SMALL celebration over everything. Not everyone can have large venues and large guest lists. A larger venue comes with paying more of everything to coordinate the whole theme together. In my area there are venues for 80-100, or venues for 800-1000. There is no in-between. 

Oh I can fit up to 150, but the 50 would be seated in an adjacent room. I decided to only invite 100 because I wouldn’t like people to feel second-class. Sure, that’s “not prioritizing my guests”. I also made sure that everyone will be seated with people they know next to each other. I’m sure that’s “not prioritizing my guests” either. The way I see it, my relatives all know each other and my friends are able to catch up with each other’s lives at my wedding. Do you bring a plus one to every outing and gathering you go to?

You know, sometimes people are making do with what we have, not everyone is an entitled bitch who must have that venue or dress or cake and so sacrificing guests’ happiness. I like the bee, but people assume too much of others here. 

 

Post # 54
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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Shinytoy :  “so if single guests are not allowed a +1, do you really expect them to sit alone, then eat their reception food alone making polite small talk to people they barely know, then it gets to first dance or whatever and you expect them to mingle alone?”

It’s pretty rare for single guests to not know anyone. Everyone I invited to my wedding came from a “group” of friends or relatives who knew each other. When my different groups of friends get together, the single ones don’t bring a random date (and certainly not at my expense). Why should a wedding be different?

By the same token, if there is a guest who doesn’t know others, it’s probably a good idea to make an exception and offer them a +1. But I’ve never seen in that situation, either when I’ve been involved in planning, or as a guest.

Post # 55
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee

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aussiemum1248 :  Agreed.  I’ve been to plenty of wedding alone and while there were a few awkward moments (e.g., couples dances), I was fine.  (And I traveled by plane to these weddings!)  I was seated with friends and danced with them or on my own.  I fail to understand why people are so horrified of being alone for a single night.  

We are extending plus ones to couples that are engaged, living together, or married.  To the extent a single guest wouldn’t know anyone else at our wedding (which is actually just one person so far), we have given them a plus one.

Post # 56
Member
486 posts
Helper bee

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aliceandrews :  If it’s fine to be alone for the night, why invite the partners of married or engaged people then? Why can’t the married people just go alone and meet new people and dance with their friends as well. What’s the difference? You could save even more money and have an even more intimate wedding. All the arguments against inviting boyfriends and girlfriend ls apply equally to husbands and wives. 

Post # 57
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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chachamaru :  Thanks for calling me an entitled bitch. Super classy.

Post # 58
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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aussiemum1248 :  I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that a wedding, like any formal social event, is not the same as a casual get-together where of course no one would expect a “plus-one.”

Post # 59
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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fredthebasil :  What do you call a “formal social event”, and at which of these do you extend a +1 to every single adult?

Maybe my social life is lacking, but the only other events I go to which are “formal” in the sense that invitations might be sent out, are birthdays, engagements, christenings, graduations and reunions. And single people don’t bring +1s to them.

Post # 60
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee

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pancakes11 :  Because married couples are a recognized social and legal unit with a presumed level of permanence that boyfriends and girlfriends are not presumed to have yet. There a myriad of ways that our society recognizes this distinction (marriage tax breaks, power of attorney, inheritance etc.) Those that are engaged and/or living together are presumed to be on that path, which is why we tend to grant them similar privileges. No social or legal construct is perfect, and they will always be under or over inclusive. For example, Fi and I originally didn’t want to live together before being engaged. There were a number of weddings we didn’t both get invited to, because we didn’t fit into any of the recognized categories and we understood why with no hard feelings.  That was a foreseeable consequence of our decision.  Folks only have so much money.

Even if you gave everyone a plus one, there’s only so much space (whether for budget or other reasons) so you would have to cut somewhere. The pie can’t get infinitely larger. I’m sure I’ll hear some gripes from friends about other friends I didn’t invite. And when they inevitably complain about so and so not being able to come, I’ll politely explain that that seat went to their live in boyfriend/fiancé/husband.  If they would like to come alone, I can certainly extend to invitation to our invited friend instead  

 

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