Post # 46
As someone who will be adopting from the foster system let try to help. Where you live makes a big difference in requirements that said in many areas an average income (not wealthy but enough to get by and provide) is acceptable so while yes they do look dont assume you wont pass its still worth a try. Fostering takes a lot of strength and courage you will see parts of the broken system and youd much rather not know about so you do need to be prepared al these children have been through trauma and need extra love and patience, but dont let that scare you foster kids arent bad kids they hurt kids. I recommend reading cath glass’s books she did biographies on many of the kids she fostered as well as having books specifically on parenting. Fostering is giving a great under appreciated gift.
Post # 47
I’d like to add the OP never said she viewed fostering as practice kids, everyone just assumed that it actually makes a lot of sense to foster before having biological kids so you can dedicate time and attention to the needs of your foster kids, she may want biological kids but also want to foster to help others and it makes sense to do the fostering first not because its practice but because again it means she will have the proper time to dedicate to those kids in need and also wont have to worry about the strain it can put on a family when your trying to foster as well as raise biological kids.
Post # 48
I don’t get it either!? was there an update I missed. OP said she wants to foster for a few years BEFORE having her own. No where does it say this is a test, she will not keep them after etc. I’m Canadian and my exes mother was a foster parent. There are many cases where the kids are not with you until they come of age and they are temporarily placed for 1 yr 6 months etc.. I think OP is getting beat up unnecessarily.
Post # 49
fiona1992: foster kids can end up being a lifetime commitment if they are permanent wards of the state. I wouldn’t think of it as something you do for a “couple years” and I would make sure you are financially and emotionally ready for the commitment. You are supposed to treat foster children as if they are your own and your post doesn’t come across as seeing it that way.
Post # 50
Did I miss something? Where did all the sarcastic crap come from? Where did OP say she wants a trial run before the real deal? Did I miss an update?
Lots of people foster or adopt before having their own biological children. For some the priority is to give children a home who really need one before bringing their own into the world.
I’ve been through the process and had approval. Your question isn’t offensive at all. To answer your question fiona1992, the answer is yes. They look at everything. They look at your bank accounts, savings, debt, income and asset. Everything is taken into consideration. This is not something to be concerned about though, they’ll make their own assessment and relay any concerns that they have. They may even provide you support where needed. I think it’s worth speaking to your local foster care team just to have a brief but frank discussion. It’s worth asking questions about it even if you’re not yet ready.
Drop me a message if you need any info.
Post # 51
As a foster child, I went into every placement hoping someone would love me enough to keep me. It never happened. I was too old, too abused, too…whatever. And I was once ousted at 12 because they were expecting a baby. The case worker said they were “shifting gears” into building a family. I’m 27. I still remember feeling like…why am I not considered family? and the crushing sorrow i felt. This was a good placement with good people who made me feel safe. They didn’t abuse me or hurt me like previous placements. I’d nearly prefer being abused over being dumped like a bag of trash. OP, please don’t do this. You have the ability to be a child’s saving grace if you foster For the right reasons.
Post # 52
Foster children are not homes.
You don’t start with them and then upgrade to biological children.
Do your realize that these children you’re talking about are PEOPLE?
The fucking nerve of you and your husband. I can’t.
Post # 53
Why do some people always jump to the worst possible assumptions? Where did she say she wanted to practice parenting with a foster kid? Maybe she wants to foster a child first so he or she will already be established as part of the family when they do decide to have children. Or maybe they want to do it first so they have the ability to give the child their full attention.
Post # 54
It looks like you’re fairly new OP. So if you didn’t know, you can close your threads. It says close next to the reply box. All you have to do is click the button and it won’t allow any new replies.
You can also delete your topics. I think you get a set number of deleted though so choose wisely. Just some tips.
I think you got some good advice on here from a few posters. Unfortunately it’s blown up into something ridiculous so I would consider closing this topic if I were you. Good luck.
Post # 56
I can’t believe how mean everyone is on this thread. My husband and I have also talked about doing foster care for a few years before we have any biological children. It would not be a practice run for kids. It would be so that we would have space in our home to accomodate siblings, to keep them together. And so if we were in the position to adopt our foster children, we would be able to make that decision in a place of, “Could we support a family of these three children?” Rather than, “Could we support a family of six children: these three siblings who are eligible for adoption, plus the three biological children we already have?”
Not all foster children become eligible for adoption. My in-laws fostered for many, many years. My husband and both of his siblings were adopted out of the foster care system; they are not related biologically. But the goal of foster care is to provide a safe and loving home for a child for a while, in the hopes that the child’s biological family will be able to take him or her back one day. You are not supposed to expect to be able to keep the children forever. Foster care is not the same thing as adoption. My in-laws fell in love with many children who did not get to stay. They stay in touch with many children who spent time in their home, but were eventually placed in the care of a biological parent, grandparent, or family member. I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with wanting to provide a safe and loving place for those children when you are still in a position to completely open your heart and your home, at a point in your life to do that without concerns for the financial and emotional well-being of biological children playing any role.
Post # 57
I think this must be a trigger for a lot of people, there is nothing in the OP’s post about using fostering as a trial run. She’s simply saying “we’ve got a few years before we want to start trying to conceive, I’d like to foster in the meantime while I’m available to do so…. but do you think I’ll be accepted on a low income?”