(Closed) Do things REALLY change once you’re engaged/married??

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I think things definitely change. Your relationships with friends, your “status” in the community, all sorts of stuff. As far as the relationship is concerned, I think it’s always something that needs to be worked on. I think lack of communication and complacency are two of the biggest problems in marriage. Fiance and I have an agreement to never stop talking or working on us. I think it’ll keep us going a loooooooooooooong time.

Post # 4
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

nothing has changed in our relationship since getting engaged.

Post # 5
Member
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I’m not really too sure how many things changed once we got engaged, just because once me & my husband now got engaged we had just started dating then. We stayed engaged for about 2 yrs. Now that I’m married, things certainly haven’t changed for me. I’m sure people’s perspective change & they look at us different..but between me & him nothing has changed! We’ve only been married for almost a month now & that’s not too long, but I don’t see anything between us changing anytime soon at all.

Post # 6
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

If anything, since getting engaged we’ve have positive changes.  There’s a deeper sense of security when you’re not worried about second guessing someone’s feelings, level of commitment or views on the future.  We’re on the same page and want the same things, and there’s almost an unspoken movement towarsd these common goals.  By that, I don’t mean we’re not communicating, but it’s the unspoken understanding you find with someone you’re completely connected to.

I’m not embarrassed to talk about the future or having a family because I know these are things we both want to do together.  I’m not afraid of exposing my vulnerabilities, insecurities or flaws because he’s seen them and love me and wants a life with me anyway.

We absolutely fight WAY LESS since getting engaged…I can recall one real argument since last June when we got engaged. For me, having more comfort in the future allows me to not sweat the small stuff and gives me more patience AND motivation to have a calm discussion and try to understand his perspective.

Obviously it all depends on the couple.  For us, I’ve absolutely seen deeper growth and positive effects so far and truly believe we’ll continue that way.  I’ve said it a thousand times on these boards, but I really am a very lucky girl.

Post # 7
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

HOnestly, I don’t think anything has changed since we got married, besides having to change my name and calling him my husband.  We’re still just as busy, but we have dinner together every night. If anything, we got closer since we got married.  I think for some people, they believe it HAS to change, so they find reasons for it to change.  But apparently we are in the minority, cuz we get the question alot and people don’t believe us when we say that nothing has changed

Post # 8
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

When we got engaged things definitely changed. Not anything visible or tangible, but it was a big mental change. It’s like “This is it. This is you and me forever babe. We are gonna be husband and wife.” It was a total mindset change, a decision we were making to be on a new path together for the rest of our lives. Suddenly my life goals are family, house, career instead of alcohol, party, adventure.

Nothing has changed for me since we’ve been married (almost a month now!) except for a feeling of closure. And the new titles are fun too 😀

Post # 9
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

For us, not really. We’re married but it’s not like we’re brand new people. Let’s face it–if we wanted change in our relationship, marriage isn’t what we would’ve done. I guess we hit ‘marriage mentality’ awhile ago. I do greatly dislike the stigma that now that i’m married, i should stay home on weekends or some junk like that. People frown at us when we tell them nothing’s changed.

We’re both ok getting “comfortable”. Let’s face it, we’ve known each other 6 years now. It’s OK to be comfortable. We don’t have unrealistic expectations about our relationship. We let things go and flow and if something bugs us, we bring it up. We talked about this once about 2-3 years into our relationship–the whole ‘getting comfortable’ thing, lack of excitement and butterflies, the whole ‘it’s not new’ anymore….and Darling Husband told me that if i wanted that ‘new’ feeling, i needed a ‘new’ boyfriend. Because basically, you move past that stage and into a deeper connection. It’s different. We like =]

Post # 10
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Since getting engaged I’d say things did change. For one, like mentioned above, our status, the way people speak to us… but there was also an unspoken change. I can’t really put it into words, but it was if we started at that moment of engagement growing in our “teamwork.” Things started to be more “we” not “I.” And it was almost like we were MORE attracted to each other, lol.

Post # 11
Member
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Oakland Manor

I don’t think we have had any negative changes. But things with Mr.D affect me so much more. Things with his family, life decisions, even my own decision making have all changed. I think it’s because our relationship is somehow even MORE of priority than it was before. It’s difficult for me to explain 🙂

Post # 12
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’ve noticed since we got engaged Fiance has been WAY more affectionate. It’s like he’s even more in love with me than before now that I’m going to be his wife. It’s adorable! He was always the “bachelor” in his circle of friends and I don’t think anyone ever figured he would settle down (I even wondered for a while!), so seeing him change over the years and definitely seeing him as such a huge mooshball now is kind of sweet and surprising. I’m not sure much has changed for me. I feel bad saying that after say how happy in love Fiance is, LOL! It’s just that I sort of always knew we’d get married, so it’s not a monumental shift in mentality.

I think we’ve learned to communicate better. Like if we get in a fight, I react differently than I used to when we were dating. I’m not feeling like he could just up and walk out on me and never look back, so I don’t feel a sense of urgent “fix this now!”. I’ve learned to express myself better and stay calmer (LOL!). Plus I’m better at telling him to stop talking and listen to me. I don’t know why or how this changed, I just know that it has. Maybe it’s just knowing that if we’re going to be doing this for the rest of our lives we have to figure out how to communicate better otherwise we’re not going to get anywhere.

Post # 13
Hostess
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

gocubbies, don’t despair. For us, it’s been the opposite. I very much agree with KLP that we’re more attracted to each other I think and want to be with each other all the time even more. We too are more of a “we” because now WE are officially planning OUR life together. Our decisions are more joint because they affect both of us now. Also, even though we’ve been engaged for over a year, we’re still in that totally blissful stage, and I really don’t expect that to change. We find it incredibly comforting to know that we’re in this, together, forever.

We have had absolutely no negative changes. We never got into fights prior to engagement, and there haven’t been any since. I guess the only somewhat negative side of things is that you both have to consider the effects of everything you do on not just you but the other person. But that isn’t necessarily a bad thing and shouldn’t be a huge adjust from the amount of consideration you give each other during your relationship prior to engagement.

I can’t wait to be able to have advice as to what changes (or doesn’t change) after marriage!

Post # 14
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I would say that since we got engaged things are almost entirely better. There is no more uncertainty, I think we’re both more secure and less insecure about our feelings. The transition from I to We hasn’t been all that hard and I was really proud of how we handled buying a house together (like maybe one Serious Talk the whole time and other than that it was fantastic….. I was so surprised haha). I think wedding planning does put some stress on us because my Fiance is not super comfortable with the money it takes to do a wedding (this is what i get for marrying an accountant lol). But other than a few bumps from wedding planning and moving in together I’d say we’re doing better than ever and certainly better than I expected. 

Post # 15
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i think the biggest change for us after engagement is that we moved in together a week after!

it’s definitely been an adjusting period between moving in and wedding planning. but right now is the calm after the storm.

i honestly believe that the engagement period is the true test if a couple should get married! why? because topics of money, combining finances/ways of life, dealing with each other’s families, etc. and other ongoing marriage topics surface and if you can make it out alive and together through your first taste of two families and individuals coming together; you can definitely have the tenacity to make marriage work!

i don’t think much will change for us after the wedding… we already feel like we’re married! 🙂

Post # 16
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

absolutely things change! and it really is “for better and for worse”…

We’ve been together 3.5 years now. we moved in with each other only after 4 months of knowing each other – so honestly MOST of our relationship the past few years has been learning to live WITH each other…for the first 2 we were in an aparmtent and then bought a house – and that alone is a HUGE change – living to live with each other in an apartment is SOOOO different than once you buy a house together. And truly – every single day, for us, is a learning experience.

People change, and that’s a good thing. We hardly ever fought the first year – but a lot of that was because I was too afraid to fight back – mainly due to old relationship wounds where – one argument usually meant the end of the relationship – so I tried to make sure there WEREN’T any arguments…whereas now – my husband and I are obviously comfortable enough that darnit, if I know I’m right, he’ll know it too! (even if he doesn’t agree! lol)

I love the fact that relationships change and evolve. But not only is change a “good thing” for the relationship itself – it really helps each individual become more that “single entity” while still trying to maintain what individuality needs to be there for each other. (hope that made sense, lol)

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