I’m 32, married in Sept. and we’re now pregnant. We hadn’t realllly planned on getting pregs till next year, but its a happy surprise.
Having said that, personally I’m anti- ultimatum. As someone who got married later, and as someone who wanted kids at some point, I still would have rather adopted a child on my own than married someone I had to give an ultimatum too. Instead of ultimatums, I think couples should REALLY explore what’s going in in their relationship, and even get an outside expert opinion ( a therapist) if possible.
I dated a guy from the age of 23 or so until 29 1/2. He was a great guy, great job, very caring, great boyfriend, totally respectful….not at all like some of the trainwrecks I read about on here. But neither of us wanted to get married. There was nothing “wrong” with our relationship, per se, but (looking back now) I see that it just wasn’t right. That’s all. He was nice, he just wasn’t the guy for me. Meanwhile, we were getting a lot of societal pressure from friends, family, you name it, to get married. We contemplated it, too! Like….should we just do this, because other ppl think we should and we’ve been together so long and we get along so well?
Thankfully, after a long time and a lot if very honest communication, we just realized we both needed something else.
Of course it was scary being 29 and starting over, but wanting kids is not a reason to force something As important as marriage. I’m lucky in that he and I felt the same way….I’m pretty sure if I’d been a typical girl and wanted marriage and issued an ultimatum, he would have proposed. And we’d be unhappily married now.
instead, I made a life plan for myself. I researched adoption, found out approximate costs, (15,000-20,000$), made a savings plan, bought a house to get myself in a good position, and started saving. Having that plan gave me so much peace.
then, as it happens in movies, I met a guy who was…..amazing. Part of the reason I dated the ex so long was because he was just such a great guy and I was worried that was as good as it gets. But I wrong! I found someone even better! And this time, it just “clicked”. It was easy.
We met right before I turned 31, got married 1 1/2 years later, and are expecting now! But even if I hadn’t met my Darling Husband, I think I would have been happy adopting, living in my own–really. I have an amazing family and circle of friends and a great life.
So, to sum it up, being alone is preferable to having to force someone into something they aren’t ready for, on some level. For me.