(Closed) Do we have to get gifts for the parents?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is getting gifts for the parents necessary?

    Yes, it's poor etiquette not to and will be noticed.

    No, it's not expected and totally optional.

  • Post # 2
    Member
    7627 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    What about a nice card telling them their support was appreciated? I’m a big card person and would rather receive a heartfelt card over a gift any day.

    EtA: this is also a know your crowd thing. My parents would never have expected a gift and likely would have been upset if they knew we struggled to pay for it.

    Post # 3
    Member
    462 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    We aren’t getting gifts for the parents. Our families are divorced and I simply can’t afford to get something for all of them. Instead we will be either framing them a nice photo after the wedding, or giving them a wedding album. We’re also paying for 90% of the wedding ourselves. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    7679 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    View original reply
    Reign14:  I gave my parents a nice photo of them from our wedding. I think it was a nice gift because when will they get dressed up and get a portrai of themselves looking their finest. Probably something they wouldn’t do for themselves. (Now that they are gone I have it and it is my favorite photo of them.  😊)

    Post # 5
    Member
    1640 posts
    Bumble bee

    We gave ours small gift the day of, kind of as part of our first look, bride and groom gifts.  We had very nice moments with parents and some beautiful pictures that we’ve shared back and fourth a million times sinnce, birthday, mothers days etc. 

    We gave the mom’s brooches with a pic of us and them when we were kids, and the dads embroidered hankies. 

    If it’s not in your budget, it’s not in your budget.  We felt it was important enough to get it in there and take some things out. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    47430 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    The gifts aren’t just for their financial support with the wedding. The gifts are to thank your parents for raising you to be the people you are and for their support of your relationship and your wedding.

    If it isn’t in your budget to give them a gift  at the wedding, Give them a lovely card and an IOU for a wedding picture.

    Post # 8
    Member
    57 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    With our wedding, my parents are chipping in where they can and my FIs dad and step mom are paying for some things as well. His mom we’ll be lucky if she makes an appearance. I know my FIs brother got the bride’s mom and his step mom gift certificates for SpaFinder, and the dads pocketwatches. We’re getting my mom and FIs step mom bracelets and the dads a small golf set. If they’re helping out, and contributing to the wedding, we feel like a card just isn’t enough to say thank you. My mom has already told us not to get them anything, but it just didn’t feel right to us. Even if it’s small and inexpensive, we want to for gratitude.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3607 posts
    Sugar bee

    Ours is specifically a “thank you for everything you’ve done to help us with our wedding” gift and not a “thank you for raising us” gift. I didn’t give my parents a “thank you for raising me” gift at other important life milestones like graduating college or law school or getting my first job, so why would I do that on my wedding day, lol. Anyway, we are sending my parents on a nice vacation as a combination wedding thank you gift/dad’s 60th birthday gift, which is a couple months after our wedding. They are paying for the entire thing and are running around like crazy to make sure it all goes well, so we want to do something really nice to show our gratitude. His parents didn’t help us with the wedding in any way, monetarily or otherwise, so we won’t be getting them a thank you gift.

    I think a heartfelt letter to your FI’s parents and maybe some flowers or a gift card to their favorite restaurant as a small token of thanks would be a nice thing to do in your situation.

    Post # 10
    Member
    3324 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    None of the parents I know would want a $$ gift from their kid, whether they are helping out or not. The gifts that went over the best were really heartfelt, or included spending time together (ie mani/pedis with mom, framed photos of the family, etc).

    Post # 11
    Member
    1494 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    View original reply
    Reign14:  I don’t think you need to purchase a gift for them. My husband and I didn’t buy anything for either of our parents, but we did give them their own album from the wedding so I guess it’s technically a gift for their help, but they didn’t receive it for many weeks while we waited for our photographer to give us our photos.

    Post # 12
    Member
    29 posts
    Newbee

    I agree that it’s optional to give a gift, and a lot of the time a card or picture or activity type gift (vacation, dinner with parents, etc.) is probably more memorable that a knick-knack type of gift. We’re not planning on getting our parents gifts (they’re both contributing by paying a portion of the costs each), but might end up getting them each a bottle of wine or something we know they will like.

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