Post # 1
My mother and father own’t be at the wedding but FI’s will. My dad lives on another continent and wasn’t ble to afford the trip, and me and my mom aren’t speaking (long story). FIs parents have been very supportive during wedding planning. We’re paying for the wedding ourselves, but they’ve offered to pay about $900 pay for the DJ, even though they haven’t given it to us yet.
After spending so much money, and getting bridal party gifts, do we have to get gifts for FI’s parents?! Is it poor etiquette not to?
Post # 2
What about a nice card telling them their support was appreciated? I’m a big card person and would rather receive a heartfelt card over a gift any day.
EtA: this is also a know your crowd thing. My parents would never have expected a gift and likely would have been upset if they knew we struggled to pay for it.
Post # 3
We aren’t getting gifts for the parents. Our families are divorced and I simply can’t afford to get something for all of them. Instead we will be either framing them a nice photo after the wedding, or giving them a wedding album. We’re also paying for 90% of the wedding ourselves.
Post # 4
I gave my parents a nice photo of them from our wedding. I think it was a nice gift because when will they get dressed up and get a portrai of themselves looking their finest. Probably something they wouldn’t do for themselves. (Now that they are gone I have it and it is my favorite photo of them. 😊)
Post # 5
We gave ours small gift the day of, kind of as part of our first look, bride and groom gifts. We had very nice moments with parents and some beautiful pictures that we’ve shared back and fourth a million times sinnce, birthday, mothers days etc.
We gave the mom’s brooches with a pic of us and them when we were kids, and the dads embroidered hankies.
If it’s not in your budget, it’s not in your budget. We felt it was important enough to get it in there and take some things out.
Post # 6
The gifts aren’t just for their financial support with the wedding. The gifts are to thank your parents for raising you to be the people you are and for their support of your relationship and your wedding.
If it isn’t in your budget to give them a gift at the wedding, Give them a lovely card and an IOU for a wedding picture.
Post # 7
I think we’ll do the card so we have something for them at the rehearsal dinner, and a framed photo later on.
Thanks all for the ideas!
Post # 8
With our wedding, my parents are chipping in where they can and my FIs dad and step mom are paying for some things as well. His mom we’ll be lucky if she makes an appearance. I know my FIs brother got the bride’s mom and his step mom gift certificates for SpaFinder, and the dads pocketwatches. We’re getting my mom and FIs step mom bracelets and the dads a small golf set. If they’re helping out, and contributing to the wedding, we feel like a card just isn’t enough to say thank you. My mom has already told us not to get them anything, but it just didn’t feel right to us. Even if it’s small and inexpensive, we want to for gratitude.
Post # 9
Ours is specifically a “thank you for everything you’ve done to help us with our wedding” gift and not a “thank you for raising us” gift. I didn’t give my parents a “thank you for raising me” gift at other important life milestones like graduating college or law school or getting my first job, so why would I do that on my wedding day, lol. Anyway, we are sending my parents on a nice vacation as a combination wedding thank you gift/dad’s 60th birthday gift, which is a couple months after our wedding. They are paying for the entire thing and are running around like crazy to make sure it all goes well, so we want to do something really nice to show our gratitude. His parents didn’t help us with the wedding in any way, monetarily or otherwise, so we won’t be getting them a thank you gift.
I think a heartfelt letter to your FI’s parents and maybe some flowers or a gift card to their favorite restaurant as a small token of thanks would be a nice thing to do in your situation.
Post # 10
None of the parents I know would want a $$ gift from their kid, whether they are helping out or not. The gifts that went over the best were really heartfelt, or included spending time together (ie mani/pedis with mom, framed photos of the family, etc).
Post # 11
I don’t think you need to purchase a gift for them. My husband and I didn’t buy anything for either of our parents, but we did give them their own album from the wedding so I guess it’s technically a gift for their help, but they didn’t receive it for many weeks while we waited for our photographer to give us our photos.
Post # 12
I agree that it’s optional to give a gift, and a lot of the time a card or picture or activity type gift (vacation, dinner with parents, etc.) is probably more memorable that a knick-knack type of gift. We’re not planning on getting our parents gifts (they’re both contributing by paying a portion of the costs each), but might end up getting them each a bottle of wine or something we know they will like.