- 3 years ago
- Wedding: October 2014
You may remember that I have posted before about troubles with my future MIL and SIL. Things with the FMIL are improving and I have hope for our relationship. FSIL, however is another story.
A little background: FI and I have known eachother since 8th grade. When we met up again 3 years ago (while going through divorce), he told his sister we had reconnected and were seeing eachother, she told him all these rumors she had heard about me from a mutual friend and warned him to stay away from me. FI told me all this and I sent her an email basically telling her that if she had nothing better to do than to believe rumors she should come to me directly or STFU. But, after a somewhat pleasant request from FMIL and FI, I sent a grovelling apology, telling her how childish I’d been and begging her forgiveness. (Definitely not “me”, but I’ll do anything for FI).
Since that time, she refuses to speak to me or make eye contact. She has come to our house for birthdays maybe twice and will acknowledge me only if say hello or offer her a drink (and usually it’s to decline), but will not say hello or goodbye or look at me. She usually makes excuses why she can’t attend things she knows we will be at.
FI has offered to help her with things here and there, but never actually called to tell her we had set a date. She found out about a month ago when she received our STD, but didn’t even call FI to ask about it. Instead she called her mother. And when she did see FI (he went over to help her!) she didn’t say anything then either. However, after congratulating FI, her new BF took the liberty of mentioning how hurt she was about it and that he “really should talk to her”. I thought that was a little ballsy, considering they had only met twice, but FI thought it was kind of a cool gesture, so whatever.
This weekend we ended up running into eachother while meeting FIs aunt. She didn’t say hello or respond when I said hello to the group, didn’t make eye contact, didn’t introduce her new boyfriend, or respond when I said goodbye to the group. Then, as we were leaving FI had the audacity to admonish me for not saying hi to her specifically. He even started in on me as we were walking away, which I think should have waited til we got to the car. He said that I should have been the bigger person and tried harder. But I feel like my efforts have been futile, and frankly, I’m tired of trying. I have accepted the fact that if we just pretend the other is not there, there aren’t any problems.
Regarding the wedding… FSIL does not like me, does not accept our relationship and does not support our marriage. FI doesn’t even know if she will come (but if she does, I’m sure she will expect a +1) to the wedding. My issue is, is it fair to me to have to invite someone who does all of those things to our wedding. To potentially endure the stress of her dirty looks and cold shoulder on what is supposed to be the happiest day of our lives. I know FI would like her to be there, but I also know that the stress of the obvious tension between us is very taxing on him. Even when I try to be the bigger person. I really feel like I have done all I can and come half way, but she has to meet me somewhere (even if not in the middle) in order for this to get any better.
So…do I have to invite her?