(Closed) Do we have to invite people just because we were invited to their wedding?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

No, I don’t think it’s rude! I think the fact that you’re inviting them to the larger celebration later is totally acceptable.

Post # 4
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Ritz-Carlton, Half Moon Bay

oh, i think you’re fine, particularly because you’re having the second reception. if you like, maybe send out the invites for the second reception early enough so people know of your plans to celebrate with them, even though they may hear about the smaller wedding through the grapevine.  or just spread through the grapevine that there will be a bigger reception later.

Post # 5
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t think so.  If they ask you can simply state that it is a small event only for family and family friends.

Post # 6
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

It’s fine, as long as you invite everyone to the second reception, I think.

Post # 7
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I agree with the other bee’s!!! As long as you’re having a bigger celebration late that should be fine 🙂 Just let them know that you’re having a small, intimate ceremony!

Post # 8
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

No, you don’t have to, and since you’re having a larger reception at home you *definitely* don’t have to invite them to the small DW! Can’t promise that *someone* won’t be offended, but you won’t be in the wrong. 🙂

Post # 9
4485 posts
Honey bee

Absolutely not. Only invite people whom you want in attendance and can’t imagine the day without.

Post # 10
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I am planning on not inviting some of the people who invited me to their wedding in the past. I want to have a wedding at a nice hotel which will be costly and I don’t wan to be in wedding debt after the wedding. I will keep a maximum of 200 people which my family and his alone is already 60 to 70 including children. So I can’t afford a 300-400 guests wedding like most people who had their wedding at Chinese family style restaurant. Most asian wedding, guest give you cash as gift, but average of $50 as gift so just think about a per person cost at a nice hotel is around at least $100-$150.

It’s okay not to invite people who invited you because maybe at this point in time, you don’t have the same connection you once did with them.

Post # 11
1699 posts
Bumble bee

Yes, you DO have to invite people just because you were invited to their wedding; but NO it is not horribly rude if you don’t invite all of the couples to YOUR wedding.

Are you confused?

Etiquette says that every invitation must be reciprocated: if someone invites you to dinner, you must invite them to dinner, generally within a year. If they invite you to a daytime event like tea or luncheon, you must invite them to something similar. If they invite you to the theatre or an excursion, you must return the favour.

Since married people do get invited to weddings, and since single people cannot promise to marry within the year, obviously you cannot return wedding-invitation for wedding-invitation. You are supposed to look at the social event itself — dinner, dessert or cocktail party, afternoon tea — rather than the reason for it (wedding). All of those many couples whose weddings you have attended: have you been returning their hospitality over the years by inviting them to your parties, or having them over, or taking them out? If so, your obligations are met: get on with your wedding planning. If NOT, well you have a big social backlog. You should get right on to that, as much as you can fit it in around your wedding planning. And you can use your wedding to meet those obligations if you want to — so there are two couples that you can cross off your “must have over” list.

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