Post # 1
We are having a smallish (75) wedding on a very very small island where his family has a vacation house. We are also paying for most of it on our own and we both have very large families that we are extremely close to. This leaves us with enough space to invite 10-12 people each outside of family. We have already decided that with those limited invites we wanted to make sure the people we invited were special to both of us as a couple (friends that are more like family). The problem is that in the last few years we have been invited to many weddings and currently only two of the couples are on our list for the wedding. Is it horribly rude if we don’t invite all of the couples to the wedding? We are having a larger reception back home a few weeks after the wedding and we want to celebrate with the rest of our friends then!
Post # 3
No, I don’t think it’s rude! I think the fact that you’re inviting them to the larger celebration later is totally acceptable.
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2010 - Ritz-Carlton, Half Moon Bay
oh, i think you’re fine, particularly because you’re having the second reception. if you like, maybe send out the invites for the second reception early enough so people know of your plans to celebrate with them, even though they may hear about the smaller wedding through the grapevine. or just spread through the grapevine that there will be a bigger reception later.
Post # 5
I don’t think so. If they ask you can simply state that it is a small event only for family and family friends.
Post # 6
It’s fine, as long as you invite everyone to the second reception, I think.
Post # 7
I agree with the other bee’s!!! As long as you’re having a bigger celebration late that should be fine 🙂 Just let them know that you’re having a small, intimate ceremony!
Post # 8
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
No, you don’t have to, and since you’re having a larger reception at home you *definitely* don’t have to invite them to the small DW! Can’t promise that *someone* won’t be offended, but you won’t be in the wrong. 🙂
Post # 9
Absolutely not. Only invite people whom you want in attendance and can’t imagine the day without.
Post # 10
I am planning on not inviting some of the people who invited me to their wedding in the past. I want to have a wedding at a nice hotel which will be costly and I don’t wan to be in wedding debt after the wedding. I will keep a maximum of 200 people which my family and his alone is already 60 to 70 including children. So I can’t afford a 300-400 guests wedding like most people who had their wedding at Chinese family style restaurant. Most asian wedding, guest give you cash as gift, but average of $50 as gift so just think about a per person cost at a nice hotel is around at least $100-$150.
It’s okay not to invite people who invited you because maybe at this point in time, you don’t have the same connection you once did with them.
Post # 11
Yes, you DO have to invite people just because you were invited to their wedding; but NO it is not horribly rude if you don’t invite all of the couples to YOUR wedding.
Are you confused?
Etiquette says that every invitation must be reciprocated: if someone invites you to dinner, you must invite them to dinner, generally within a year. If they invite you to a daytime event like tea or luncheon, you must invite them to something similar. If they invite you to the theatre or an excursion, you must return the favour.
Since married people do get invited to weddings, and since single people cannot promise to marry within the year, obviously you cannot return wedding-invitation for wedding-invitation. You are supposed to look at the social event itself — dinner, dessert or cocktail party, afternoon tea — rather than the reason for it (wedding). All of those many couples whose weddings you have attended: have you been returning their hospitality over the years by inviting them to your parties, or having them over, or taking them out? If so, your obligations are met: get on with your wedding planning. If NOT, well you have a big social backlog. You should get right on to that, as much as you can fit it in around your wedding planning. And you can use your wedding to meet those obligations if you want to — so there are two couples that you can cross off your “must have over” list.