(Closed) Do we have to put ‘and guest’ on all of our single friends invites?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I wouldn’t put anyone over 18 on their parents invites but I guess it can work if you aren’t allowing guests.  Do the people who you are thinking about not having guests for know someone at the wedding?  If I went to a wedding and didn’t know anyone but the bride and groom it would be awkward to not have a guest.

Post # 4
Member
5572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

We allowed guests (and put “and guest”) on the invitations of everyone who was in a serious relationship or engaged. We also allowed guests for some people who we know wouldn’t know anyone at the wedding. For example, my roommate from college is coming from out of state and I’m only inviting one other person from college (and they probably won’t be able to come) so I’m allowing my roommate a guest. I know that I’d feel uncomfortable at a wedding by myself not knowing anyone.

Post # 5
Member
293 posts
Helper bee

There are a lot of different opinions about this.

For our wedding, we made a rule that only married, living together, or dating over a year would have a guest. Otherwise no. We had space constraints at the venue so it worked best for us this way.

Post # 6
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@MrsSaltWaterTaffy: I agree about giving anyone over 18 their own invitation, even if they live at home.

As far as telling people they can bring a guest: I would only invite people with a guest if they are married, engaged, or otherwise in a serious relationship.  If you invite someone and don’t include “and guest” and they call you and say they met the most wonderful person and they’re dying to bring them to your wedding, then it’s your discretion (and depends on how many RSVP yes/no’s you have!).

Post # 8
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

“Guests” should only be allowed for people (over 18) in serious relationships OR if there’s a chance they won’t know anyone else.

Example: A cousin who will have tons of family members there with no current SO doesn’t need a guest, but a friend that isn’t part of a group of friends may want to bring someone so they don’t feel uncomfortable.

Post # 9
Member
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

There’s lots of opinions out there on this +1 issue.

For the invitation – definitely send those guys their own invitations.

For the guests – do what you and your Fiance and whoever is hosting is comfortable with, and try to make some strict boundaries.  Often it’s engaged/living together or together for a certain time period is ok for most brides.

Other than that, be firm.

Be sure when you do your invitations you use an inner envelope or a band or some other way that you can put the actual name of who is invited and ‘and guest’ for anyone you’re extending that courtesy to.

Then stick to it!

Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@LizzieD11: You do not *have to* add “and guest” for everyone who is single, especially if they will know other guests (and therefore not be uncomfortable being alone at your wedding). It’s a nice thing to do if you have the money and the space, but it’s absolutely not required, nor is it bad etiquette to invite them alone.

For those who are not in a serious relationship, simply address their invitations in their names alone. If you really want to drive the point home (because some people won’t get that that means no guest is invited), on the RSVP cards you can include a line that says “We have reserved __ seat(s) in your honor” and just fill in “1” in the blank space.

Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

The decision is up to totally up to you.

Personally, I believe in giving everyone a plus 1 option, even if they are single. I have been to weddings where I wasn’t allowed a plus 1 and knew NOBODY expect the bride or groom – its just plain awkward.

Post # 12
Member
659 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

we are not adding and guest to those that are single. frankly, i don’t care to pay for someone i don’t know. it’s very unfair to the people we had to cut off on our list. we are only having 75 ppl at our wedding… at $10,000 for just food and bar, no way can they bring a guest. besides all the single people we have all know everyone else that’s single coming to the wedding.

i’ve already been asked from one of my guest if they can bring a date… her bf can’t go, and so she wants to bring someone else and i said no. she made a whole arguement about how it would just be replacing her bf’s spot. i thought this was very rude. her invite said 1 seat reserved since i knew her bf couldn’t go already. so she’s not coming. she was on the maybe list of invitees so it works out.

so if you have people that aren’t going to come because they can’t bring a date, i say they aren’t worthy of coming anyway.

our invites said ___ seats are reserved for you. and we filled out how many seats are reserved for them before we mailed it out. we addressed the letters to both their names if they were dating, otherwise it was mr. & mrs. so and so. or just the person’s name if it was only for them.

Post # 13
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

I dont think that its mandatory to give everyone a plus one. But it depends on who you talk to some people think its rude not to.. I am not one of those people. I think if they are in a relationship then cool if not and they are going to know people a guest isnt needed. It adds more to your budget. Plus what if you dont know all of their guests.. I mean do you really want strangers at your wedding.. ya right! lol 

Post # 14
Member
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

We are not giving single guests plus ones. Everyone we invited who is single knows lots of other people at the wedding (most of whom are single), so it will be fine. We made two exceptions: my mother, and one of my mother’s friends who is the only single friend my mom is inviting and won’t know anyone at the wedding. For her I invited her daughter as her guest, even though I wouldn’t have invited her daughter otherwise. That way she’ll know someone at the wedding.

As for putting adults on their parents’ invitations when they live at home, the etiquette I’ve heard is that it’s fine but you address it this way (this is the formal way at least):

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith

Mr. Kevin Smith

Address…

Post # 15
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

Really you should never put “and guest” on any invitation.  You are supposed to find out the name of any potential +1’s and list them by name.  This would also put a kibash on anyone substituting the invited guest for a random friend.

Only Social Units (SU’s) must be invited together.  SUs include married, engaged, and more recently, living together couples. 

Anyone over the age of 18 really deserves their own invitation.  It is not proper to invite over 18’s on a parental invitation.

Post # 16
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011 - Catholic Church, Lakeview Golf Resort and Spa

While you can invite whomever you want with a guest I would implore you to be consistent.  Mr. Biscuit was in a wedding where GM’s wives weren’t invited.  I wasn’t either, but we weren’t engaged yet so it was less of a snub.  The bride’s friends, on the other hand, were able to bring a date whether they were in a relationship or not.  Oh, and the groom’s side had to travel over 10 hours to get there, while the bride’s side did not.  This still grinds my gears even though it was almost two years ago. 

We’re lucky that we have plenty of room, so really, everyone can bring a guest.  We’re spreading it by word of mouth though.  I don’t like the big and guest on envelopes (just preference).  We’re also not sending separate invites to >18 kids in college.  They still live at home and won’t RSVP.  So, we’re letting the Moms be in charge of all of that.

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