(Closed) Do we invite family that clearly seems not interested?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Lisa Rose: I’m sorry you are dealing with this. I say to go ahead and invite them if you both want to and just let them make their own decisions. If they accept, then be a great hostess and hope that eventually they will come around. If they decline, it is their loss and they’ll have to settle for seeing photos of what a beautiful bride you were.

Best of luck to you!

Post # 4
Member
5179 posts
Bee Keeper

Were you the other woman? I really feel like his family’s relationship with someone who married into their family should be no concern of yours. If they have a relationship, newly found or not, should be very far from your mind. Yes, you should still invite his family unless they hate you or are rude to you or something like that.

Post # 6
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Lisa Rose: I’m confused by a few things.

One:

“Upon meeting the sister (who is the family telephone), she quickly took over the dinner and completely disregarded my presents.”

What do you mean “disregarded your presents”? Was it a party for you/for her? Did you bring her presents she didn’t open?

Two:

I don’t see how they’ve done anything that would make you think they would “ruin” your wedding.

Unless you two elope and have just the 2 of you at the ceremony, I think not inviting his immediate family would burn a LOT of bridges. If you ever want to have a chance at being a part of the family, you need to work on “killing them with kindness”.

Three:

Has your Fiance talked to his sisters about this? What do they say to him when you are not around?

Post # 8
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Depending how recent the divorce was, how recent you becoming the “other woman” was … perhaps his family needs more time.  Surely you realize that most people aren’t understanding of “the other woman” or that he would divorce his wife and marry you.  I’m not judging – obviously, I don’t know the circumstances, but I’m assuming you’ve heard before – if he did it to her, he’ll do it to you.

Regardless of all of that, I would invite them.  They are his family.  Let them choose whether they want to be a part of your day.

Post # 9
Member
2018 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I agree with PP-Invite them and let them decide whether or not to attend.  I had a similar experience with my own wedding (different problems though:) and I did not invite any of my husband’s family to our wedding in California because I knew none of them would come and I didn’t want to seem like I was fishing for gifts.  Plus, we  planned  an East Coast party for this summer but apparently, no one got the memo and they are very hurt.

Sorry so long, but now I have all this damage control and ill will to deal with.  Learn from my mistake:)

Post # 11
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Lisa Rose: Does he have any kids from his previous marriage?

How long ago did his divorce get finalized?

Unless you elope, you need to invite his family.

Post # 13
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If he was married 38 years, I’m going to assume they have children together.  If they were married 38 years, I’m going to assume his ex is close to 60 years old, as well as your fiance.  Depending on how much younger than him you are, perhaps you are perceived negatively by the family because of your age, as well as the fact that you are “the other woman,” by your own admission.

How long have you been together?  How long has his divorce been final?  Those two answers could also play into why his family may not be ready for another wedding.

Post # 14
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Lisa Rose: It may all seem a bit quick and that’s why you are getting the hostility.

You are getting married less than a year after he got divorced and you are closer in age to his kids then to him (by a lot it seems). This can be hard to stomach and they may be trying to protect their brother as well as their nieces & nephews.

How are the kids handling having someone close to their age as their new step-mom?

ETA: is he or the family weaithy? They may be concerned about that too.

Post # 15
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think you should invite them, and let them make their own decisions about whether to come.  Be proud of your relationship and show that you have nothing to hide, and that you want to be part of their family.  If any of them decide not to come, it’s up to them, but it won’t be YOU that is preventing them from celebrating by not inviting them.

Post # 16
Member
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Just invite them and let them decide whether they will attend or not. This way you have done everything you can to be polite and friendly to them and they will have no reason to dislike you. Unfortunately, in your position you may have to show them that you are a good person, and that the two of you should be married. Best wishes to you! 

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