Post # 1
I just have a guest list question I was hoping to get some advice on. We are trying to finalise our guest list and there are a few people we are undecided on, and we keep coming back to ‘they invited us to their wedding’ as the reason why we should invite them. If it wasn’t for this sense of obligation we probably wouldn’t invite them. Do you think it would be rude not to?
Couple #1 are ex-workmates of mine. We used to be very good friends, and I travelled overseas just to go to their wedding 7 years ago. I really like them but we live in different cities now and don’t really keep in touch – we probably haven’t seen each other in 4 years.
Couple #2 are more like friends of friends who we see around fairly regularly. We’re not close (and to be honest, we don’t particularly like them), although the guy & my Fiance were once flatmates. We went to their wedding 2 years ago.
What do you think? Is there any sort of protocol around this?
Post # 2
#1 i wouldnt. #2 Maybe if the space and budget permits.i mean you do see them regularly so you’re in the same social circle so to speak and their wedding is a lot more recent
Post # 3
I think,you should invite who you want, and not feel guilty. I wondered about this as well, but went with my gut. I feel like this is the child’s version of inviting people to your birthday party. There have been weddings of friends I haven’t been invited to for various reasons, and I’ve never taken offense.
People make decisions for their own reasons, and people should accept your decisions to invite or not invite as be respectful of that.
i wouldn’t invite anyone I don’t even like or barely speak to anymore, and if anyone says anything I’d just say it was a small and intimate wedding.
Post # 4
I was invited to one of my cousin’s weddings who lived 4 hours away. I happen to have grandparents (on the other side of the family) who live in that area. We were invited because they knew that if we went we would have family to stay with, this was 5 years ago. We are not inviting them to ours because I see them once a year at at family event and don’t have a close relationship with them. There are many more people who I would rather invite. I don’t think that this rule applies, if budget was no limit then yes.
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2015 - City Hall!
i wouldn’t invite either. your wedding is about who you want to be there. not people you see but don’t really like.
Post # 6
There is absolutely no need (and no etiquette “rule”) to invite someone to your wedding just because they invited you to theirs. You should invite the people whom you are close with, whom you cannot imagine getting married without. If these couples don’t fit that criteria, then they really should be left off. Personally, I wouldn’t be inviting either of these couples – if you haven’t seen the first one in 4+ years they’re unlikely to be expecting an invite anyway, and if you don’t even like the second I don’t think there’s any need to have them there.
We attended a friend’s wedding 4 or 5 years ago and she hasn’t made the guest list for our wedding later this year. I have seen her only a handful of times since her wedding, and haven’t seen her at all in about 2 years. She has 2 kids, so I understand that she has different life priorities but she’s pretty much fallen off the face of the earth (doesn’t return texts, emails, phone calls, etc). As it seems that the friendship has run its course, we really felt there was no need to invite them. I doubt they’ve even heard that we’re engaged.
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess
If you can swing it, I would extend the invite. But if you’re having to choose between inviting them, or other close friends/family, I’d leave them off.
Post # 8
You can, of course, invite those people if you have room and feel inclined to include them, but you definitely aren’t under any etiquette obligation. Every couple’s situation is different.
I can’t speak to whether or not these people might feel hurt, of course. It’s possible.
Post # 9
Girl, invite whoever you want. Please do not feel inclined to invite anyone you don’t really like. It’s just going to kill your vibe.
Post # 10
Yes, when someone invites you to dinner, you have to return the invitation. No, you do not have to invite someone to dinner at your wedding, just because the dinner hospitality they offered you happened to be at their wedding. Return invitations are supposed to be paid during the same season in which the original dinner invitation occurred, and the obligation expires at the end of the season.
You should have invited the ex-co-workers to dinner seven years ago. It’s too late to do that now. If you want to renew the acquaintance it’s definately on you to extend an invitation to them, but it doesn’t have to be at your wedding. You can take them to a restaurant next time you visit their city, or offer them hospitality next time they visit your city.
You should have invited the friends-of-friends to dinner two years ago. That obligation has expired, and it sounds like the acquaintainceship has expired too. Let it lie.
Post # 11
Sounds like people who should not be invited in both cases. You shouldn’t invite people you don’t even like or people you haven’t seen in most of the last decade. That’s just silly.
A girl I knew in college, who was a friend and is now just an acquaintance as we’ve grown apart, invited me to hers. I did not however invite her to mine, nor did inviting her even cross my mind, as we are no longer close.
Post # 12
I would say definitely no to #1 – no issue there since you might not ever even see each other again….
for #2 I would see how it goes when you have a clear ideas of your numbers … if I had space /money and it worked then I would invite them just since it can be awkward when you are out and everyone else in invited and everyone knows that for months and month but if it doesn’t work then it is what it is
Post # 13
Well I know everyone else will say the typical WB phrase (it’s your wedding do what you want), but just keep in mind that its possible that these people will be pissed that you didn’t invite them. Maybe not a big deal for couple #1, but I would honestly be pissed if I invited someone for my wedding (yes even 2 years ago) and they didn’t invite me to theirs…
Post # 14
I think the official stance is always that you can invite (or not invite) whoever you want. But I personally invited people that invited me to their weddings with the caveat that I had to have some kind of personal contact with them still.
With that rule, couple #1 is disqualified (7 years is such a long time ago anyway). #2 is still eligble but I’m curious why you went to their wedding if you don’t like them. If you were indifferent about them or on the fence about them, I would say you should invite them (if budget/space allows) but since you flat out don’t like them, it sounds like they should not get an invite.
Post # 15
- Wedding: November 2016 - Garden
I was invited to two weddings. One they moved away so I lost contact with them and if I would have the chance to invite them I would. The other invited me not only to their wedding but to a dinner at their home. They are coming to mine. I agree with PP if I didn’t invite them they probably will be a little hurt. At least give them the respect by allowing the chance to come if they like, its their decision of they can come or not. But at least you did the right thing by inviting them 🙂
Im only inviting close to 120 people to the reception so not everyone I see or talk to will be coming just really close friends and family. I have 100 people at my church that I know, been there for 9 years, but will probably bring at least 20 of them. No more. I can’t invite everyone. And that’s okay if you can’t you’re not expected to. And they should understand too.
So it’s up to you who you bring just be aware the more you bring the more you’ll have to cater to.