Post # 1
Some of you might have read about the fiasco regarding FH’s family and how his stepmom says people will either leave halfway through the reception to go drinking or just not come at all since there’s no booze (whether this will actually happen is unclear; it might, it might not, but either way it’s not something we can control, etc.)
My question is, how would they even know ahead of time whether it’ll be dry or not? I mean, unless his parents decide to spread the word or something. You typically don’t mention whether there will be alcohol at the reception or not on the invitation, do you? I’m pretty sure we don’t have to, but I wanted to be sure.
Post # 3
No, we’re having a dry reception and on our invitations we put “Dinner, dancing and general merriment to follow immediately” in lieu of “Reception to follow”. This indirectly excludes “drinking” which would have fit in nicely.
We also put it in our FAQ on our website, because we were getting asked frequently! Local people understand from the venue (on a dry college campus), but out of towners make up over half our guestlist, so our website says this:
Will there be alcohol at the reception?
Unfortunately, the venue where we’ve chosen to host our reception, [Venue Name], is on campus at [College Name]. [College] has a pretty strict No Alcohol on campus policy, so we won’t be serving any alcoholic beverages at the reception.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t. And I would never consider not attending a wedding of someone I know just because they decided not to serve alcohol.
Post # 5
@ddw: That’s a good way to put it. We’re doing heavy hors d’oeuvres so I might tweak the wording a bit. And you’re right–we can always put it on our website.
@mandb122: It’s sad, but we’re bracing ourselves for that possibility because his family sees every social event as basically an excuse to drink.
Post # 6
Well if all else fails put out a keg labeld “root beer” and go from there.
Post # 8
I don’t think you should HAVE to let them know. But I do think it would be a good way to show there is solidarity in your decision and that you are not budging, and if they have a problem with it oh well. Maybe if they know it’s set in stone they would change their mind about their plans. It might be a good way to set it in stone.
Post # 9
What’s a non-snooty way to say (on our website–I’ll make a FAQ section) that because of FH’s and my personal preferences, there will not be drinking? I think that wording might come across as really uppity to his family…
Post # 10
You are totally stressing out about this dry reception. You just gotta stand strong and don’t budge! I know, easier said than done.
You could just said, “Because X and I don’t drink, we’ve chosen to have a dry reception” or just…”we’re having a dry reception” and if someone asks you just say, “Because we want to”.
You don’t OWE anybody an explanation, dude. No liquor, period. End of story.
Post # 11
@ejs4y8: I know I’m stressing out, haha. I’m just freaked that his family will think I’m a controlling b*tch or something (even though FH has made it clear that we are BOTH in favor of a dry reception). And I don’t want his family to hurt him by not showing up, though I realize that’s not something we can control.
Post # 12
I agree that some people are unfortunately too focused on the “party” side of a wedding. I too will have the same issue closer to the wedding as my family loves to drink and and my fiances family is very conservative. We decided right away not to serve alcohol at the wedding. We will tell people as it comes up, but mostly it is not a big deal to us. I think a wedding invitation should not have to include something like that. so I agree with the website idea or maybe word of mouth? In general, is it something people need to know?It is after all “your day!” I am sure once people start having fun at the reception, they will forget all about it.
Post # 13
I would try to keep your stress level about the whole thing off his family’s radar. Maybe that goes without saying, maybe not … if you just let it be casual, like it’s not a big deal, and don’t let them egg you into making it a big deal (outwardly), they can’t think you’re controlling.
Just let it be, “Oh, yeah, we decided not to have alcohol.” and change the subject.
Post # 14
I would leave it off the invitation–there’s no point in calling attention to it.
I feel like if people are going to act like children about this, then be the adult and treat them like children: “We’re having fishsticks today, kids!” “But I don’t want fishsticks!” “Well, that’s what we’re having today, kids” = “We’re having a dry reception.” “We don’t want a dry reception!” “Well, that’s what we’re having today kids.” I feel like the more that you try and explain yourself, prepare people, freak out about their needs, the more that the will detect this and whine. You’re having a dry reception. End of story, deal.
If you would like to let people know, word of mouth is good and even just a simple statement on your website: “The reception will be alcohol-free” or something is fine. You don’t have to offer an explanation.
Post # 15
@JennyW1: That’s a good analogy. FH and I weren’t sure if we should have that, or if we should let his stepmom do whatever the hell she wants in terms of telling people and let them decide from there. He was like, “Why don’t you ask those Bee ladies what they think?” Ha, so cute!
Not having to explain it makes things a lot easier, though inevitably, there will probably be that ONE PERSON at the reception who makes a comment or starts asking where the booze is, but I think that’s something we can just laugh off.
Post # 16
We also decided to havea dry reception because of personal beliefs. We will not be stating it on the website/invitations, but people have asked (already) what type of drinks we will be having. Some of my family members have gotten upset about it and given me a hard time, and it has spread through word of mouth.
I agree that it isn’t something you should have to advertise or justify to people. It is yor wedding, people can have fun without it.