(Closed) Do we send a gift?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee

Perhaps the wedding invitation was sent as a peace offering. I can’t imagine the groom would invite your Fiance if he wasn’t trying to mend fences. I can understand why he’s reticent to acknowledge the wedding due to their past, but the fact remains that you were both invited (even though the “and guest” part is annoying!) and therefore you should, at the very least, send a card. The gift is up to you, but acknowledging that you were invited by way of a congratulatory card would be the right thing to do!

Post # 4
Member
9548 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree that you need to respond in some way or the relationship will be lost. I’d recommend sending a congratulatory card. If you want to include a small gift that would be great but not completely necessary. You could do a gift card to a local restaurant or movie theater.

Post # 6
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

The invitation to the wedding may be an olive branch from the groom to your Fiance. Now it is up to your Fiance and yourself to determine if this is a friendship that you want to terminate or mend it. By not sending a card or a gift you can assume that that relationship is terminated.

If you don’t want to attend, but would like to leave on amicable terms, you could send a card. Under normal circumstances I would suggest sending a gift.

Post # 7
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

If it were me, I would send a card– no gift.  But it would be a blank card with a pretty image and be a carefully worded message to ensure that my feelings got across– nothing mean, and definitely nothing negative– but a “we wish you the best” message, without the lovey-dovey stuff that most cards come pre-printed with. 

ETS: Can you tell I’ve had to write a few of these??? Yeah… I’ve lost more than one friend to a marriage/relationship that I didn’t agree with. 
 

Post # 8
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Send them a card and a clearance gift from Macy’s.  All the summer pitchers/glasses are on clearance now!  You are the more decent people in this situation so remain so. GL!

Post # 10
Member
13292 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you should absolutely send a card, at the very least, to acknowledge the marriage.  If you want a relationship with the groom, or if your Fiance wants to continue the relationship, it’s only polite to acknowledge his wedding, however much you dislike the bride.  I would also send a small gift, maybe a gift certificate to a nice restaurant or a nice bottle of wine. 

ETA: I just saw your last post…  if he feels that way, maybe it’s best for him to cut off ties.  If he can’t put aside his anger towards the bride to wish his friend well, then, personally that’s not someone I’d want in my life anyway if I were in the bride or groom in this situation.

Post # 11
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think it’s a lie to wish them the best … I would assume that even though Fiance would like to stage a woodshed beating, he still hopes (deep down) that everything does work out for his friend as best it can. 🙂

Post # 12
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It sounds like he’s willing to lose the friendship and ignore the invitation.  It’s his friend, so I would let him make the final decision on that one.  Been there, done that!

Post # 13
Member
1561 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@abbie017:  I agree with you on your ETA

OP, Your Fiance clearly doesn’t respect his “friend” enough to accept his decision to marry this woman and wish him the best.  This sort of baffles me.  If it were me, I would wish them the best (and mean it) and send a gift. 

Post # 14
Hostess
16191 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I’d be the bigger person, send a gift, and call it a day.

Post # 15
Member
1575 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would send a nice card under the circumstances.

Post # 16
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I vote:

– Don’t attend the wedding

– Send a card

My thought is that if it was a peace offering, the groom would’ve have at least called and apologizes or personally/verbally said “I hope you can make it”. With this in mind, I don’t think it’s worth sending a gift (unless you happen to have an excess of it, in which case, go ahead). I would do a card that wishes them well and call it a day.

 

The topic ‘Do we send a gift?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors