- 7 years ago
Recap: SO and I have been dating for about 8 years (we’re both 27). I’ve been “waiting” for 2 years. We are moving in together in 3 weeks (gasp) and no ring in sight. We talked about a wedding in June next year.
Well, it seems that SO and I are in a happy waiting place. I’ve taken some of my focus off of “actively” waiting and started to be a little more self-centered (in a good way). We are communicating more openly and having more and more fun together as the days go by. However, our friends and family have been laying it on thick with the “when are you getting married” talk. It was really getting to me and carrying me back to that dark, obsessive, anxious waiting place. No bueno. So, I talked to a mutal friend of ours who was recently married in September. He gave some good advice. He said don’t let what those external to the relationship have to say impact how you feel. They may be well intended, but letting the outside in is one of the deadliest things you can do to your relationship. You have to decide for yourself what works and what doesn’t. It doesn’t matter if your best friend Suzie and her guy got married after a year of dating. That’s what works for Suzie. What works for the two of you may be totally different. My friend and his wife lived together 5 years before getting married, and folks gave them hell. I think that part of the reason I was so unhappy in my waiting is because people kept saying to me “doesn’t he know by now that he wants to marry you?” That’s hurtful to think about. SO has openly expressed that he wants to marry me and that he’s on board with my timeline of marriage + kids in the next two years. Because of that, it is much easier for me to stay in my serene waiting place even though he hasn’t proposed….YET.
In a nutshell, don’t let the opinions or actions of others impact the way you feel about YOUR relationship.