(Closed) Do you agree with: "It's your wedding.."

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: How do you feel about the "it's your wedding.." phrase/advice
    I think it is used too easily (encourages bad etiquette) : (53 votes)
    18 %
    I think it isn't used enough (a bride can do what she wants) : (14 votes)
    5 %
    When hosting a party it should be only about your needs/wants : (3 votes)
    1 %
    When hosting a party it should be about the guests needs/wants : (34 votes)
    12 %
    There has GOT to be a happy medium! : (90 votes)
    31 %
    It is just an excuse to be spoiled : (28 votes)
    10 %
    It is used to encourage brides to take control of their wedding : (29 votes)
    10 %
    Where is the groom in all of this?! : (38 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    3265 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @Payless:  My mother occasionally says this to me and the phrase actually infuriates me a bit when she uses it, making me think I’ve gone bridezilla until I step back and realize that she’s just being snarky. It’s usually in regards to not inviting someone that I don’t know (FI and I are funding this thing 100%). “Mom, I don’t want to invite your friend from work that I’ve never even heard of before.” “Well, it’s your wedding…”

    I feel like it’s too overused as an excuse for some brides to throw a temper tantrum.

    Post # 4
    971 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta

    @LiliKitty:  I know what you mean! You say something…. “hmph… Well it is your wedding I guess…”


    Post # 5
    772 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @Payless:  I think it is impossible to make every person happy so if the bride is paying for her wedding then she should have it exactly how she wants it.  I would hate to plan a wedding and have it derailed by crazy guests because really after the wedding the bride and groom are the ones that are going to constantly remember the day.


    Of course if I had it my way I would have my guy put on a suit, put me in a dress and just go somewhere fun.  So take my answer with a grain of salt. 

    Post # 6
    5371 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

    I think it’s used way too easily to justify decisions that might make guests or family really unhappy. I think there has to be a happy medium between what would make the bride & groom happy and what would make the guests happy.

    ETA: YAY 4000 posts!!


    Post # 7
    595 posts
    Busy bee

    I think a bride should be able to have things the way she wants them… within reason. Some people take it too far, or are absurd about what they want. Just because you want your dream wedding doesn’t mean you should throw yourself into crippling debt over one day… and you shouldn’t be expecting other people to comply with ridiculous demands.

    Post # 10
    9952 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Etiquette Snob here… lol

    Well in truth…

    Technically it is the Bride & Groom’s Wedding and they can do whatever they want.

    BUT that doesn’t mean it will be necessary Good Manners of accommodating / kind & considerate to one’s Guests

    The Wedding Ceremony is most certainly about the Bride & Groom.

    But once you invite other people to participate… be they a Bridal Party or Guests, then it isn’t JUST ABOUT THE B&G (to truly be just about the B&G would be an Elopement)

    I find it sad, that more people don’t realize this / GET IT

    A Wedding is a coming together of two families to creat a NEW Family

    What is really horrific is the way that many people now treat their Bridal Parties

    The Bridal Party is supposed to be your “nearest & dearest”… people who symbolically willing to stand up for you and your love…

    And yet, the stories here on WBee where it all becomes a HOT MESS are waaaay too many

    I think it shameful that BPs are now expected to carry the major cost of participating and being there for their friends

    This is upside down… it is the B&G who should be grateful to have wonderful friends, and should show that appreciation more… so in particular on this issue, I am a HUGE proponent of Traditional Etiquette.

    It makes no sense to me when I hear about Bridesmaids having to lay out THOUSANDS of Dollars to be in the Bridal Party.  The costs should be far more equal… or carried primarily by the B&G as it was not so long ago.

    Same with Guests in general…

    Hear about too many Weddings where the B&G put their wants / needs above the comfort of their Guests and the often refrain:

    “Hey if they don’t like it they can stay at home”

    Soooo RUDE   Sooo Sad.

    Soooo missing the point.


    Post # 11
    920 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @Payless:  The only time I have ever used this phrase is in turning down all of my FMIL’s requests. They had a very small wedding and are sort of looking at this as their second wedding.

    For the most part, everything I am doing is for my guests. I want them to be happy and enjoy themselves, and in turn that will make me happy

    Post # 12
    2945 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I got the “It’s your wedding” A LOT from my bridal party and it is DRIVING ME NUTS!  When we were picking out dresses that they will wear (not me)  “It’s your wedding.”  When I said people can pick out the shoes they want “But it’s your wedding.”  When I stated that I will help them with mani-pedis but they can go where they want and pick out what they want, I got “But it’s your wedding.” 

    I almost strangled people.  I feel that at that point it was less about me being bridezilla and more about them wanting to make me happy.  While that is wonderful, and they are valued frines because they want to make me happy, I want true and honest opinions. 

    So, yes, while I think it can encourage bad behavior, I think it can also be used by everyone else as an excuse as well.  Not that I expect my bridal party to be as excited about my wedding as I am, just that I didn’t expect grown woman not to want to pick out things themselves. 

    Post # 13
    8444 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I think the bride and groom should be gracious hosts, however their wedding should reflect who they are as a couple.  I think the phrase “it’s your wedding…” often gets turned into an exucse to make the day into a “pretty, pretty princess” session and a gives brides sense of entitlement. 

    Post # 14
    1003 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    @Payless Wait…are you saying that I can’t request all my guests to wear medieval clothing?! But it’s MY day!

    Post # 15
    4495 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I do think you should be accommodating, but I think there are limits to that as well. I didn’t invite my father to my wedding. We have a terrible relationship and he isn’t important to me at all. He would have been a black cloud over the entire day and there was just no reason for him to attend. Because of this my grandmother threatened to boycott my wedding (my father is her only child). She thinks I am unfair to him and that at the end of the day blood is thicker than water (something I have never believed). Well sorry, he was not invited. Period. So you know what? My grandmother didn’t come to my wedding. She declined.

    In cases like this your wedding is YOUR wedding. You shouldn’t have to invite people you dislike just to appease other family members. I see similar situations to this all the time on here. Of course I am sad that my grandmother made that decision, but I think its also sad that she put me in that position.

    You’re a bride and a host, but its not a family reunion. It is still YOUR wedding and as long as everyone is reasonably accommodated and the couple isn’t making absurd requests/requirements then I’m good with that.

    Post # 16
    595 posts
    Busy bee

    @Misswhowedding:  “Yes, it’s my wedding, and I want YOU to decide!”

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