Post # 1
Something that came up (again) today is how much FH and I do not agree with his parents in theology.
His father is a huge follower of a popular Christian author that neither FH nor I believe gives strong, Biblically based advice. In fact, he has a whole shelf devoted to just this author. His mother, who is a Bible Study leader, does not seem to synthesize her own beliefs but follows blindly what everything she reads. Today, she read to us this nonsense from a book she was teaching from. I can vaguely get where the concepts came from but they were so distorted, in fact it ignored large chunks of books of the (generally accepted Protestant cannon) Bible. FH and I have taken to leaving early on Sundays when we visit because we are so uncomfortable in their super mega-church (where FH spent part of his teenage years, and in fact drove him away from the church for a time).
Please tell me I’m not alone. Anyone else disagree with their In-Laws’ (or parents’) theology?
Post # 3
When Fiance and I first got engaged his Mother-In-Law pulled him aside and had a super firm “If you don’t have a Catholic wedding your Grandmother and I will kill you” talk. Well, they hadn’t been to mass in 20-something years and he told them that unless they were paying for it they could go cry somewhere because we are having a Non-denominational ceremony. They haven’t said a peep more about it and seem not to mind.
Post # 4
My husband and I are in the same boat. His parents are members of the LDS or more commonly known as the Mormon Church. My husband was raised in the church. I went occasionally as a child but my mom was a former member and my dad is inactive Catholic, so I didn’t really have a strong religious upbringing. But since I grew up in Utah, I was immersed in the Mormon culture. My Darling Husband broke away from the church when he was 19. It doesn’t really create too many issues for us between us and his parents. Although I am sure they wish we were members. We lived together for 6 months before getting married and since that is not allowed in the church, it was a pretty big deal. They weren’t too happy, but oh well. Now they are much happier that we are married, but we clearly didn’t choose to get married for that reason. LOL.
His mom is a sweetheart so it doesn’t really bother her as much, but his step dad is kind of judgmental about our non-religious lifestyle. Fortunately I am used to being part of the minority having grown up here without participating in the dominant religion, so it’s not as big of a deal.
Post # 5
Argh, I would find this so frustrating. I think the best thing to do is agree to disagree, and then change the subject. I would also find a church more in line with your belief system and start going there (it sounded from your post that you are attending the same church as your in-laws, the same church your husband had bad teenage memories with). His parents shold respect your decision.
I remember ejs4y8 had a similar situation where she identified as Christian, but not the same brand of theology as her father, and it created a lot of family conflict. Do a search for some of her posts on the topic. Perhaps she may chime in here!
Post # 6
@Valhalla: Sorry, I should have clarified. We live in a city 3 hours from his parents and visit them maybe 3 times a year. When we do visit, we avoid going to their church. We attend our own church close to our apartments, which fits our beliefs much better (FH has gone there for the past 6-7 years and I started 3 years ago soon after I moved to the area).
Post # 7
It is akward when someone tries to push their religion on you especially when it is someone close to you. You could look at it as though you are learning another point of view. If you listen to others with the outlook that you are learning something (even if you disagree with everything), then it might not be so cringeworthy. And dont try to argue bc it will just make it worse. Maybe you can try to politely change the subject. Is your Mother-In-Law passonate about anything else? Crafting, cooking, shopping? When you go to visit maybe plan an activity. Scrabble? But leaving early is also a good idea.
I disagree with many peoples beliefs. Luckily, it is not often that I am stuck with someone trying to push their beliefs on me. I dont care what other people believe.
Post # 8
This is not a matter of them pushing anything on us, but us simply disagreeing with their theology. I’m sorry if people have taken it that way.
As far as they know, their son does not diviate one iota from their view points (except in politics, which is another story that I won’t go into).
Post # 9
My fiance and I disagree with both of our families theology. It doesn’t prove much of a problem most of the time, but it definitely creates some interesting (and sometimes heated) debates other times.
Your definitely not alone.
Post # 10
Heck no I don’t agree with my inlaws theology. I try to stay away from openly debating them because there’s no good that can come from it. They’re basically super opinionated christians that don’t go to church or act religious in any way. That’s a problem for me, but I only have to listen to it like 15 minutes out of my week, so I can deal with that. It’s just one of those things I have to suck up because I love my FH. For us both sets of parents are disappointed we’re not getting married in a church, but it’s our wedding so they have to respect that.
Post # 11
@Knubbsy-Wubbsy: Well, it sounds like you and your fiance are on the same page, which seems like it would matter more than whether you share your in-laws’ theological beliefs. I guess the concern for me would be if they’re trying to get you to believe something that you really don’t, or trying to pass judgment on your marriage because you don’t believe what they believe.
(Basically, are they making a thing out of it? If not, agree to disagree.)
Full disclosure: I’m a Christian bride engaged to a Jewish man, so it isn’t always a deal-breaker to have different theological beliefs than your fiance, either!
Post # 12
Fiance and I agree with our parents, but our GRANDPARENTS… well haha… that’s interesting.
His grandma is Mennonite (similar to Amish, but not as strict) and she is a strong pacifist. Well, Fiance is joining the Navy and can’t really tell her at all because her reaction will be so strong. Yikes.
My grandparents are very, very tight-laced southern baptist types. Love them dearly, but they are anti alcohol, movies, dancing, cards, etc. So, basically, Fiance and I can’t tell them anything we do on the week nights or weekend cause they’d probably freak out.
It’s interesting, but it’s not terrible. We just keep our mouths shut and the world moves on. 🙂
Post # 13
I don’t necessarily agree with my parents OR his parents theology. But as long as they love the Lord… I’m fine with that. I can’t make people believe in my theological view. But there are specific things to the Christianity faith that make it what it is. If my parents or his did NOT believe those necessary things, then I would be worried. In my opinion, leaving the church early will not accomplish anything. When I became a Christian I wanted to be adamant about certain things and even convinced myself that my mom was not a Christian… I’ve had to calm down a bit and let things go. Everyone has sin in their life and there is no need to be judgemental based on other people’s theology.