Post # 1
This crossed my mind last night and I really wanted to get this out there for feedback and advice. Last month was our first cycle trying, and it was fantastic. We were into it and excited. I knew exactly when I was ovulating (thank you EWCM). It was an all-around very positive experience. I did get pregnant but it didn’t stick unfortunately… <br /><br />I wasn’t sure I’d be up for trying again this month, but my body feels back to normal and I’m O’ing this week (not as easy to tell because the pain in my side is off/on, more faint, and my CM isn’t anything special). We BD’d three times, the first two were fine, the last was not good. I was tired, so was he, I felt pressured into it because I knew he wanted to (he was away on biz the following night), neither of us particularly enjoyed it….and afterward I remember thinking “Please god, don’t let this one be the one to give us a child!” I know it’s ridiculous, I’d be thrilled if I got pregnant this month and it wouldn’t be traceable to that episode specifically, anyway…..But it got me thinking:
Do you always enjoy BD during your FW? When you feel pressured, sick, tired, or stressed about whether you ovulated and not getting the CM you need, etc…. Do you do it anyway because you “have” to? Or would you rather scale it back a bit for that month if the timing just doesn’t happen to work out?
This topic was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by krystalite.
Post # 2
Nope, I most certainly do not always enjoy it, but we just BD’d if the timing was right. There was nothing romantic and fun about it, more like an exhasted busniess transation. But we need every chance we can get when my natural cycles are 35-49 days. With the exception of last cycle, it’s been 2 years and I’m just so over it. I’ve already accpted the fact that it will take IVF to get pregnant so instead of the 2-3 times we used to try in the fertile window, just once the last month. I just don’t care about BD for the sake of trying anymore.
Post # 3
krystalite: For me the hardest part is getting to the BD. I hate the feeling of knowing we really should do it/ have to do it because of timing. It makes getting things started up so awkward and forced. Once I’m in it, I always enjoy it. doesn’t mean I want it to last a long time though 😉
Post # 4
For someone like myself who has been trying for about a year, it stopped being fun a long time ago. BD outside of the FW seems to be more enjoyable, its never fun to time things that precisely. But unfortunately you have to suck it up because you only have a few days to make things happen each month.
Post # 5
krystalite: This is only our second cycle of TTC, but for me, the part I don’t enjoy is always being the one to initiate. DH works long hours. When he is into it, I am into it, it’s great. But sometimes I think he feels like it’s a chore. Which just makes me kind of uncomfortable.
Post # 6
krystalite: We’re also in month 2 of ttc…last month our BD timing was practically a joke, so now we’re going all out and trying to BD as much as we can during my FW, based on an O date that I’m still trying to pin down through charting. So, yeah it’s been a tiring week but DH has been really good about it. I feel bad because he’s in med school and has a huge exam tomorrow, but he’s still taken the time this week to “work for our future” , which I appreciate. I agree with pp that the initiation is sort of awkward. But, we end up enjoying it just fine.
Post # 7
Yes and no. DH and I have been trying for 11 cycles now and I hate the awkward/forced feeling of initiating sex because it’s “turtle time” (as DH says). Obviously for the sake of wanting a child, we suck it up for those few days and get business done. There are other days for great, spontaneous sex.
Post # 8
We tried for over two years to get pregnant, so no, it wasn’t always enjoyable. We tried not to force it too much, but at the same time there were times where we weren’t that into it. I will say the time we finally conceived was the best sex we’d had in a while. I’d had a UTI early in my cycle, so we only DTD once during the fertile period. I NEVER thought that would be the cycle we got pregnant.
Post # 9
This is my first month TTC, and this totally freaks me out. This is part of why I’m not charting or tracking things, at this point, because I don’t want to think of it as a business transaction. Right now we’re just going with having sex every other day(ish) and that’s worked fine so far, but we’re just starting. This might be TMI, but last night once we started, I realized that it actually hurt a bit when he hit up against my cervix. This has happened, in the past, when I’m close to my period, so I usually avoid sex right before my period, but I’m not sure why I got this pain last night, as my period shouldn’t be due for another couple weeks (though I’m just off BC, so I’m not sure what my cycles will be like). Luckily, I was able to position things so it didn’t hurt, but it wasn’t the most fun sex in the world. I guess we’ll see what happens next time.
So since this seems to be a common issue, what sort of advice do you wonderful ladies have about how to make things more enjoyable?
Post # 10
Cycle #1: Exciting and enjoyable BD
Cycle #14: Dread BD during ovulation window, but enjoy DTD any other time of the month when it is unplanned and not a chore!
Post # 11
We TTC’d for 15 months…and no we did not always enjoy it. We did BD alot during every fertile window…my DH was determined. It was very stressful…I would be really stressed out if we didnt have enough sex during the FW, and then I would be stressed out if it was forced BDing and we just did it because we had to not because we were in the mood. I got pregnant in month 15 – and we actually did enjoy BDing during that fertile window!
Post # 12
after ttcing for 14 cycles some sessions are enjoyable, some aren’t. but some sessions were better than other before we were ttc also.
i can feel a huge differece between when we have to and when we just want to. there have been times when we need to and I can’t climax. those times, it is more important for DH to have the Big O than for me to and I’m fine with that at this point.
Post # 13
it’s nice to hear from everyone, i guess that it is totally normal to not always be into it. we’ve been trying for 2 cycles; so i can only imagine how much more challenging it could be after several cycles, especially when you are frustrated that it hasn’t happened yet.
interesting to hear a couple of people say that they successfully conceived during the one cycle they really enjoyed doing it. i know this happened to a friend of mine, too. she BD’d once the entire cycle (and there was no pressure because they assumed it wouldn’t happen), and, after a year and a half of trying and stressing over it, they got pregnant!
tips/tricks? maybe taking the time to have a date night before doing it, if time allows. get a bottle of wine, eat dinner together and ease into it. I know i personally always enjoy BD more when I’m freshly waxed/shaved, just got a mani/pedi, put on something new… I also enjoy it more when I feel emotionally connected, so a good conversation over dinner (about un-stressful things) helps!
anyone else have strategies for making it enjoyable?
Post # 14
krystalite: I definitely agree on
“freshly waxed/shaved, just got a mani/pedi, put on something new… “<br /><br />my strategy has been to get a mani/pedi, get a wax or buy lingere when I’m about to ovulate – it keeps TTC sexy and fun for us. Another tip thats worked for us, we don’t talk babies/TTC when it’s BD time. I actually find myself less dissapointed by BFNs because I know that I have another month of TTC to look forward to…