(Closed) Do you and SO have an “arrangement” for family time at the Holidays?

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
5279 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

We initally had the exact set up as you (one year we would spend Thanksgiving with his family, Christmas w/ mine & then switch.)

But after doing this for 2 years, we realized that his parents don’t do anything for Christmas and my parents still make a big deal, so now we do Thanksgiving always w/ his family and Christmas with mine.

I like it this way because I love Christmas and love the idea of always spending it with my family 😉

Post # 4
3620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

DH and I have talked, and have figured out a schedule that should work for us going forward for the holiday season. We wanted to try to have some time for ourselves on these days, without running to four different places and spending very little time at each.

We plan to alternate years for Thanksgiving Dinner and dessert – thankfully, my parents live only 5 miles from his mom and her husband. We also plan to alternate years for Christmas morning, opposite of our Thanksgiving plans.

For example, this year, we’ll be having Thanksgiving dinner with DH’s mom, so Christmas “morning” will be with my parents (later in the morning, so we still have some time to ourselves in the morning at our own house to establish our own family traditions) to exchange gifts. Then we’ll head to his mom’s house at 1:00pm for dinner and gift exchange with her side of the family, before heading to my aunt’s house for dessert and gift exchange with my mom’s side of the family around 5:30pm.

We see my dad’s side of the family the weekend before Christmas, and his dad’s side of the family on Christmas eve.

Ugh, it’s exhausting just thinking about it, but it’s the only way we were being fair to both families, and making sure we had time to ourselves!


Post # 5
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We do whatever for Thanksgiving, usually go and visit his dad a week or so before Christmas, and split up for Christmas day. His parents are split up and each live about an hour and a half from us, so it’s just easier to do it that way.

Post # 6
110 posts
Blushing bee

We have holidays at his mothers and my grandmothers and luckily they live less than 15 minutes apart.  Thanksgiving is never a problem as we eat as different times.  Christmas Eve we eat one place then go to the other for dessert, we alternate where we eat dinner each year.  Christmas morning we open gifts at my house then spend the afternoon at his and finally visit my Dad for the evening.

Post # 7
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My FI’s family lives about 6 hours away. We visit them A LOT. Probably 1 or 2 times a month. So we usually spend holidays with them and my parents get along with them so they come too!

Post # 8
1747 posts
Bumble bee

@vanilla frosting:My SO and I live 9 hours from his family and 3 hours from my family. This year we decided to spend Thanksgiving with our respective family and Christmas together. However, my mom keeps asking us to come there for Christmas. I am not sure it’s fair,I will think about it a litle more.

Post # 9
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I wish we had a plan like yours.  We drive around like crazy people!  For example, on Thanksgiving, we are driving 30 min North to his parents just to watch the Thanksgiving Day Parade, then driving to hours south to have thanksgiving dinner with my family.  And at Christmas, it doesn’t get any better.  I love your setup!

Post # 11
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

We like to be somewhat fair. But right now, my family does christmas and it’s just my mom, dad, and aunt (sometimes). His family does Christmas and it’s 24+ people. My parents are retired and live 4-5 hours away, so what’s “fair” is making them drive up and spend it with us, haha. They get 4th of July with us, though.

Christmas at DH’s house is full of games and fun stuff. Christmas at my folks’ house is usually Red Lobster (why cook for 4 people, right?) then sitting around and doing nothing. Mom keeps saying “next year you have to come visit us!” but if that’s the case, we will drive back to Saint Louis after spending Christmas morning with my folks. Hopefully we can solve it next year by hosting Christmas and honestly, once we have kids, I can’t see us loading up for that long of a drive when my retired parents can make the trip FAR more easily than us!

It’s a mess!

Post # 13
439 posts
Helper bee

Fortunately, my mother and FI’s parents live in the same town.  We spend Christmas Eve with FI’s parents (because we have an amazing seafood buffet every Christmas eve…yummmmm…crab legs).  We spend Christmas day with my mom.  We don’t travel for Thanksgiving because we live too far away.

This year is the first year that the above arrangement won’t be happening because we’re going on a cruise with FI’s parents and brother for New Years, and we can’t afford the trip home.

Post # 14
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

We drove around like insane people for the first few years of our relationship, and eventually we got lucky: My folks moved to England!  I actually really hate not having them close by (they moved to Denver 2 months ago which is slightly closer, but still too far) but it makes holidays a little simpler since obviously we can’t do Thanksgiving in the afternoon at one, then dinner at the other.

My family usually gets Thanksgiving because his family makes a HUGE deal out of the Christmas holidays.  We do Thanksgiving with mine, then Little Christmas Eve and Christmas Eve with his.  We try to do both extended families at Christmas; mine in the afternoon and his in the evening since those families are still close by.  Christmas morning we do with his family, or at our house with my family if they’re visiting (they are this year, yeah!).

It’s a little insane, but…at least we only do one Thanksgiving now?  HA, and we’re hosting this year. Bring on the craziness!

Post # 15
299 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

This year we will kind of be spending both holidays with my family. On Wednesday we are driving up to FI’s parents house in Georgia, but for Thanksgiving day we are going to go over to my cousins house about an hour from his parents and then coming back to the parents house that night and staying through the weekend. So we will sort of be spending Thanksgiving with them. For Christmas we will be staying in Florida my mom’s family always comes over to our house for Christmas dinner.

In the future we plan to do Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with mine and then we will probably go up to visit his family the day after Christmas or so.

Post # 16
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

We’ve decided to switch off Thanksgiving each year (we’re seeing his family this year). Then we’re doing Christmas Eve with his family and Christmas Day with mine. It’s about a 2 hour drive between our parents…. so it’s definitely do-able. Once we have kids it might change, but for now I’m a fan of the situation.

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