Post # 1
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
Fiance and I have always been really about fairness in our realtionship. After our first holiday season of being together, and spending the holidays apart, we came up with a solution so that we could be together for the holidays and it would be fair.
Each year we rotate: whichever family we spend Thanksgiving with, gets Christmas Eve and the other family gets Christmas Day. MY family lives 2 hours north of Philadelphia where I live, and driving like crazy people is not something we want to endure during a PA winter. It’s sometimes rough because I LOVE my family holidays and we always make a really big deal about them, my whole family (aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents) gets together. His family is more laid back and does a small celebration with just his mother, father, and sister.
What do you and your SO do about Holiday swapping?
Post # 3
Member
5282 posts
Bee Keeper
We initally had the exact set up as you (one year we would spend Thanksgiving with his family, Christmas w/ mine & then switch.)
But after doing this for 2 years, we realized that his parents don’t do anything for Christmas and my parents still make a big deal, so now we do Thanksgiving always w/ his family and Christmas with mine.
I like it this way because I love Christmas and love the idea of always spending it with my family 😉
Post # 4
Member
3620 posts
Sugar bee
DH and I have talked, and have figured out a schedule that should work for us going forward for the holiday season. We wanted to try to have some time for ourselves on these days, without running to four different places and spending very little time at each.
We plan to alternate years for Thanksgiving Dinner and dessert – thankfully, my parents live only 5 miles from his mom and her husband. We also plan to alternate years for Christmas morning, opposite of our Thanksgiving plans.
For example, this year, we’ll be having Thanksgiving dinner with DH’s mom, so Christmas “morning” will be with my parents (later in the morning, so we still have some time to ourselves in the morning at our own house to establish our own family traditions) to exchange gifts. Then we’ll head to his mom’s house at 1:00pm for dinner and gift exchange with her side of the family, before heading to my aunt’s house for dessert and gift exchange with my mom’s side of the family around 5:30pm.
We see my dad’s side of the family the weekend before Christmas, and his dad’s side of the family on Christmas eve.
Ugh, it’s exhausting just thinking about it, but it’s the only way we were being fair to both families, and making sure we had time to ourselves!
Post # 5
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
We do whatever for Thanksgiving, usually go and visit his dad a week or so before Christmas, and split up for Christmas day. His parents are split up and each live about an hour and a half from us, so it’s just easier to do it that way.
Post # 6
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
We have holidays at his mothers and my grandmothers and luckily they live less than 15 minutes apart. Thanksgiving is never a problem as we eat as different times. Christmas Eve we eat one place then go to the other for dessert, we alternate where we eat dinner each year. Christmas morning we open gifts at my house then spend the afternoon at his and finally visit my Dad for the evening.
Post # 7
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
My FI’s family lives about 6 hours away. We visit them A LOT. Probably 1 or 2 times a month. So we usually spend holidays with them and my parents get along with them so they come too!
Post # 8
Member
1747 posts
Bumble bee
@vanilla frosting:My SO and I live 9 hours from his family and 3 hours from my family. This year we decided to spend Thanksgiving with our respective family and Christmas together. However, my mom keeps asking us to come there for Christmas. I am not sure it’s fair,I will think about it a litle more.
Post # 9
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
I wish we had a plan like yours. We drive around like crazy people! For example, on Thanksgiving, we are driving 30 min North to his parents just to watch the Thanksgiving Day Parade, then driving to hours south to have thanksgiving dinner with my family. And at Christmas, it doesn’t get any better. I love your setup!
Post # 10
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
I think that when Fiance and I get a house, we’re going to host because it will just be easier haha. AND I love to cook! My family does Thanksgiving at my grandmother’s house in Virginia, which is about 4.5 hours from us in Philly and 6.5 hours from my parents’ in the Poconos. His family lives in Philly, about 20 minutes from our apartment now. If we host, it will solve everything 🙂
FIs parents are having family over for the first time EVER this year for Thanksgiving so I will get to do a lot of the coooking- as his mom is not really a whiz in the kitchen. Practice time for Frosting!
Post # 11
Member
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
We like to be somewhat fair. But right now, my family does christmas and it’s just my mom, dad, and aunt (sometimes). His family does Christmas and it’s 24+ people. My parents are retired and live 4-5 hours away, so what’s “fair” is making them drive up and spend it with us, haha. They get 4th of July with us, though.
Christmas at DH’s house is full of games and fun stuff. Christmas at my folks’ house is usually Red Lobster (why cook for 4 people, right?) then sitting around and doing nothing. Mom keeps saying “next year you have to come visit us!” but if that’s the case, we will drive back to Saint Louis after spending Christmas morning with my folks. Hopefully we can solve it next year by hosting Christmas and honestly, once we have kids, I can’t see us loading up for that long of a drive when my retired parents can make the trip FAR more easily than us!
It’s a mess!
Post # 12
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
@Soladylike- that seems difficult. I know my family sometimes puts a little pressure on us to come for one holiday or the other. Ultimately, they know that we have to do what’s fair because they wouldn’t want to be the ones getting the shaft next year. LOVE your name, by the way!
@angela2011bride- that is NUTS! It’s like the movie Four Christmases. We promised to never do that to each other. Family is important to both of us, but driving around like that just wouldn’t seem relaxing and enjoyable to us.
Post # 13
Member
439 posts
Helper bee
Fortunately, my mother and FI’s parents live in the same town. We spend Christmas Eve with FI’s parents (because we have an amazing seafood buffet every Christmas eve…yummmmm…crab legs). We spend Christmas day with my mom. We don’t travel for Thanksgiving because we live too far away.
This year is the first year that the above arrangement won’t be happening because we’re going on a cruise with FI’s parents and brother for New Years, and we can’t afford the trip home.
Post # 14
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
We drove around like insane people for the first few years of our relationship, and eventually we got lucky: My folks moved to England! I actually really hate not having them close by (they moved to Denver 2 months ago which is slightly closer, but still too far) but it makes holidays a little simpler since obviously we can’t do Thanksgiving in the afternoon at one, then dinner at the other.
My family usually gets Thanksgiving because his family makes a HUGE deal out of the Christmas holidays. We do Thanksgiving with mine, then Little Christmas Eve and Christmas Eve with his. We try to do both extended families at Christmas; mine in the afternoon and his in the evening since those families are still close by. Christmas morning we do with his family, or at our house with my family if they’re visiting (they are this year, yeah!).
It’s a little insane, but…at least we only do one Thanksgiving now? HA, and we’re hosting this year. Bring on the craziness!
Post # 15
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
This year we will kind of be spending both holidays with my family. On Wednesday we are driving up to FI’s parents house in Georgia, but for Thanksgiving day we are going to go over to my cousins house about an hour from his parents and then coming back to the parents house that night and staying through the weekend. So we will sort of be spending Thanksgiving with them. For Christmas we will be staying in Florida my mom’s family always comes over to our house for Christmas dinner.
In the future we plan to do Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with mine and then we will probably go up to visit his family the day after Christmas or so.
Post # 16
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
We’ve decided to switch off Thanksgiving each year (we’re seeing his family this year). Then we’re doing Christmas Eve with his family and Christmas Day with mine. It’s about a 2 hour drive between our parents…. so it’s definitely do-able. Once we have kids it might change, but for now I’m a fan of the situation.