(Closed) Do you and SO have an “arrangement” for family time at the Holidays?

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
4383 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

We live ten minutes from his parents and 14 hours from mine. We always go to his parents for thanksgiving, and we alternate Christmas. This year we’re spending it with my family and I am so excited!!!!

Post # 18
1046 posts
Bumble bee

We were supposed to go to see his family for Christmas this year, but he is in the military and it is too difficult to book plane tickets never knowing if they are going to change their mind about leave days, or cancel it all together.

So I had to tell his sister and his mom yesterday that we couldn’t make it. Waterworks ensued, and I felt terrible, but there is really nothing we can do. Plus have you guys checked out plane ticket costs this season!? Wow…it was going to be over $2,000 for my husband, our daughter and I. That’s 2/3 of our wedding money… I don’t think so! Plus, and this is slightly off subject, I wouldn’t subject my daughter or I to the xray scanning machines they have at the airport and especially not the molestation pat downs… sorry but no one is touching my 3 year old daughters, or my genitals. It’s not happening!!

It’s way too far to drive either… 20+ hours. So my parents are flying here… We’ll see how my dad handles the airport. He hasn’t flown in at least 7 years because he hates airports and the TSA and their constant need to humilate and yell at people. lol

Post # 19
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Well, this Thanksgiving, my mom, brother, and SIL are coming up to visit my grandmother. My husband, myself, and our daughter are driving up to be there. It’s a 24-hour drive for them, and a 5-hour drive for us.

Christmas, well, ultimately, we’d spend the morning alone and then meet at his parents’ house later. However, since we currently live with his parents, these plans might change. We’re hoping to move before then.

Last year we just spent both holidays with his parents since they’re so much closer. To be honest though, I’d rather travel for Thanksgiving than Christmas. I’m not a holiday person, and I prefer to be lazy Christmas morning. Having to pick up and travel would be annoying.

Post # 20
1927 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I got lucky. SO’s family is orthodox so we spend December 25th Christmas with my family and January 7th Christmas with his family. We do the same with Easter (If there are 2 Easters, sometimes they fall on the same day. If they are on the same day we usually spend that day with our own families.)

Thanksgiving is usually a little more difficult, only because my Dad works different shifts and we try to schedule Thanksgiving dinner around his work schedule so he can eat with the family. This year he has to work 3-11 so we will be having Thanksgiving lunch around 1pm, then around 5pm we will go to SO’s Aunt’s house.

Post # 21
457 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

We do Thanksgiving with one and Christmas with the other. We usually do Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with mine every year, but are switching it up this year.

Post # 22
707 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Sadly, my Fiance has to work every Thanksgiving and Christmas (he is a firefighter). So I always travel to see my family and he stays home. Hopefully when we have kids this will change. Haven’t discussed how we will figure out the in-law situation yet. Happy Thanksgiving Bees!

Post # 23
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

DH and I usually do Thanksgiving at our house, and my parents, brother and his mom, aunt and uncle come over. 

For Christmas, We usually see his dad’s side of the family on the day of Christmas eve, and his mom’s side in the evening (his parents are divorced).  We spend Christmas day with my family.

Now this year, we’re doing Christmas eve and Christmas day at our house.  His dad’s side (which is huge) will be coming over Christmas eve, and my family and his mom’s side will be coming over Christmas day.   Makes things a lot less complicated for us, and I love cooking and being a hostess!

Post # 24
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We are spending Thanksgiving with my family this year which will be the first time in about 7 years for me, and the first time dh has ever been away from his family for thanksgiving. We will be at my family camp about 4 hours away from where we live and where his family is.

For christmas usually my family just picks a random day in December and we celebrate, and then we usually go to his parents house for christmas in the morning, and then back for dinner in the afternoon. This year however I opted to work christmas, so dh will be going to his parents in the morning, and then probably in the afternoon and then I will just meet him at home later. (I probably wouldn’t go to his parents house this year even if I didn’t have to work, since I can’t stand how horrible they treat me, and because they play favorites with the grandchildren horribbly! Last year dh’s parents got 2 of his neices easily 20 presents each, and then got his other neice 4 gifts and made them open all of them together!)

Post # 25
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Yup, For about the last 6 years we have alternated Thanksgiving and Christmas. For example this year is Thanksgiving with my husband’s family and Christmas with my family.

Other holidays are up for grabs. Easter we usually stick around home. We go back every other year for Chinese New Year.

This year we’re staying home for Thanksgiving even though it’s technically his family’s year but they are down South and I have negative time off. So we are heading down for Easter instead.

When we have kids I imagine we’ll do every third year rotation between staying at home, with my family, with his family etc.

Post # 26
13561 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Ugh. We have this pretty high on our “List of Things to Figure Out Before We Get Married.” This will be our 6th holiday season together, and we still just wing it!

Post # 27
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I grew up with alternating. One family got Christmas/Easter, and the other got Thanksgiving/New Years, and then the next year it switched. I found it very fair & figured we’d do the same, but his family doesn’t celebrate Christmas or Easter! (At the same time, I don’t want to spend every New Years & Thanksgiving with his family, because I want some thankful-time with mine, plus New Years Eve is my mom’s birthday.)

However, both our families are in the same city, so maybe what we’ll end up doing is staying at my parents’ houses for Christmas & Easter and every second Thanksgiving & New Years, but visiting with his parents on Boxing Day/New Years Day, etc. (and vice-versa with my parents when we’re staying at his folks’ house).

I’d also kind of like to go the Cardigan route and have Christmas morning at our house, especially once we have a kid…but we’ll see (this would especially depend on how far away we are from our families!). : )

ETA: The other complicating factor, of course, is that I’m in nursing, so I’ll probably be expected to work either New Years or Christmas every year. So we’ll see how that factors into the equation. Forced holidays at home! : D

Post # 28
1806 posts
Buzzing bee

Right now ours are kind of tricky because my mom isn’t happy with it…But normally we do thanksgiving day at FH’s family’s house. And Christmas Eve with them too.

Christmas afternoon/night with my family. But my mom really wants christmas eve instead of christmas afternoon so I think next year we’ll be figuring something else out.

Ugh. It’s definitely frustrating.

Post # 29
1057 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I absolutely hate the holidays for this exact reason. No matter how many holidays we spend with my family my mom always complains that they never get to see us on holidays. Like your SO’s family my family only celebrates with mom, sister, dad, brother. Meanwhile, there’s a party going on at his families house! Of course I’d rather be there!

That and 3/3 holidays that Fiance have been together my family has taken a vacation somewhere and hasn’t even been home for christmas. 

Post # 30
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

For Thanksgiving, we spend dinner with my family since its only 5 people and the have dessert with his family since its about 14 people there. Then, Christmas morning we spend time with his dad and gf, then go to my parents, then to my aunts 45 mins away. the day after we go to his sisters house to spend with them

Post # 31
174 posts
Blushing bee

It’s interesting you bring this up.

I went to a psychologist earlier this year to deal with some issues (grief over a death, guilt as an eating trigger, etc.) and the conversation naturally turned to my relationship with my SO.  She said that, after money, how you and your SO split up the holidays between families is the #2 source of strain between couples.

This is one of the things that we have pretty set though.  My big family thing is Xmas Eve and Xmas morning.  His big family thing is a Thanksgiving party.  So we have always done Thanksgiving with his family, then Tgiving Friday with his dad, Xmas Eve and Xmas morning with my family, then Xmas evening with his mom, and then Xmas next day with his dad. 

This year, his family isn’t having the usual Thanksgiving party, so we’re doing Thanksgiving with my family, then Thanksgiving Friday with his mom, but probably not doing anything with his dad (long story).

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