(Closed) Do you and your SO "hang out" with someone of the opposite sex?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Do you and your SO "hang out" with someone of the opposite sex? Read more: http://boards.weddingbee

    Yes, we hang out with people of the opposite sex, and it's never been a problem.

    Yes, we do hang out with people of the opposite sex, and it's been an issue.

    No, we do not, but I would consider it.

    Oh HECK NO! We do not and will not.

    Other, and I'll explain...

  • Post # 62
    Member
    11736 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think if you trust your SO then there should be no issues. I don’t care if a beautiful woman takes her clothes off and stands naked in front of my husband asking for him to bang her, I know he wouldn’t do a thing with her.

    That being said, everyone feels differently about this topic. What works for one relationship isn’t going to work for the next. Personally, though I think it’s a bit silly to think that climbing a mountain will make two people in committed relationships forget all about their SOs and have some romantic moment.

    Post # 63
    Member
    11736 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    @mrspinesol:  +1 If they’re going to cheat, they’re going to find a way to do it whether you think you’re trying to prevent that or not. The fact he asked you about it first before doing it says a lot in my opinion. 

    Post # 64
    Member
    24 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I have multiple close guy friends (including one whom I share a romantic past with) and my Fiance has never been bothered by the fact that I spend time alone with them. My Fiance is also still close friends with an ex and I would never try to tell him that he couldn’t spend time alone with her. Obviously, I’m not talking about sending the two of them off on a weekend trip together, but if they want to hang out for an evening alone, I’m all for it! A friend is a friend, in my opinion. 

    Our desire to spend time alone with someone of the opposite sex doesn’t speak poorly of our romantic relationship, it merely speaks well of the friendships that we’ve both spent years cultivating with other people. I don’t think that friendships should be expected to change just because we’re in a relationship. 

    I will say that neither of us would be as cool if the opposite sex hang-outs were happening with someone who we didn’t share a previous long-standing friendship with. If my Fiance were to start hanging out alone with a new female acqaintance, I’m sure my feelings would be different.  

    No rules are going to work for every couple so it’s all about finding out what works for you and making sure that you’re both on the same page about where your comfort levels are. 

    Post # 66
    Member
    2513 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    View original reply
    @marie02:  

    View original reply
    @Rachel631:  

    I know most of you on here are fine with it. My post had to do with the statement Marie made earlier about not wanting to spend her life with someone who could develop feelings through one-on-one time with a member of the opposite sex. My point was that everyone can. I just wanted to clarify that. I’ve never known a person who has been married for decades that has not had some sort of non-platonic interest in another person. The majority of them did not pursue that person or nurture that crush, but it happens to everyone. That’s one of the things that makes marriage such a serious commitment. 

    Post # 67
    Member
    348 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I’ve been friends with some of my guy friends for close to 20 years.  In all of those years I’ve managed not to find myself on any of their penises whether I’m in a relationship or not.  I don’t see what the big deal about is about having friends of the opposite sex.  You can be friends with someone of the opposite sex without seeing them as a potential sex partner.

     

    Post # 68
    Member
    172 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    View original reply
    @MsW-to-MrsM:  Perhaps I didn’t word my previous post properly because I do understand that feelings can develop for other humans, whether you’re in committed relationship or not (obviously). And I also believe that these feelings don’t only develop during one on one time. They can happen at anytime,whether you’re there or not.  Having feelings/crushes aren’t what scare me/bother me, it’s how my SO handles these feelings is whats important to me.

    Marriage is a very serious commitment but I dont’ believe in restricting my SO from things he enjoys doing just because I’m not there. It just seems very babysiting to me and he’s an adult who I trust 100%. Of course, he’s very respectful of me and our relationship but we’ve establishd our own boundaries that work for us. Every relationship is different, but I just personally wouldn’t have an issue with the hiking thing.

     

    Post # 71
    Member
    1589 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    We don’t make a habit of solo outings but we each have opposite sex good friends. They were in the picture before we met though.

    Post # 72
    Member
    7368 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    Sure do. 

    And I agree completely with everythign that 

    View original reply
    @Nona99: said. 

    Post # 75
    Member
    7976 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    View original reply
    @MsW-to-MrsM:  OK, I agree with you there. I also agree with what Nona says though… if they’re going to cheat… they’re going to cheat, regardless!

    Post # 76
    Member
    1470 posts
    Bumble bee

    It all boils down to what you feel comfortable with and what you don’t.  I would trust your feelings and go with what feels right for you.  People are going to have different viewpoints and what they’d accept as okay behavior, but it doesn’t mean what’s okay for someone is going to be the right decision for you.

    The fact that neither you or your DH knows this woman, and the fact that she’s more of a “casual” acquaintance without a proven history that she can be trusted, I’d be really hesitant and would feel very uncomfortable at the thought that they’d be alone together so far away from everyone.  And just as a sidenote, NOT that I’m saying your DH would cheat but there are so many women who post anonymously b/c they found out their loving SO/DH was involved in inappropriate behavior with another woman, and it hit them completely by surprise b/c they believed their relationship was so strong.  A lot of times, people who end-up cheating swear that they love their partners very much and it was something that was inconceivable to them before the affair happened.

    Again, you trust your DH but you don’t know this woman, so if I were in your shoes I’d be really hesitant about them spending 1:1 time for such a long period of time in a desolate place alone together.

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