(Closed) Do you and your SO "hang out" with someone of the opposite sex?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Do you and your SO "hang out" with someone of the opposite sex? Read more: http://boards.weddingbee

    Yes, we hang out with people of the opposite sex, and it's never been a problem.

    Yes, we do hang out with people of the opposite sex, and it's been an issue.

    No, we do not, but I would consider it.

    Oh HECK NO! We do not and will not.

    Other, and I'll explain...

  • Post # 78
    339 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

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    @MrsWBS:  I could say the same thing about my SO. If the hottest woman in the world got bare butt naked and stood in front of my SO begging her to bang her, she wouldn’t. 

    HOWEVER, I probably would be more likely to forgive random sex over an emotional affair. Driving 2 hours to the mountain, spending all day hiking and driving back 2 hours would not be okay. They’ll spend the whole day talking and getting to know each other, relying on the other person, trusting them. That’s how affairs start, IMO. 

    Post # 80
    1978 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

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    not a path we want to go down. The temptation isn’t worth it!

    Post # 81
    3879 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    DH has gone out for dinner/drinks with one of hia girl friends and I don’t have a problem with it. However, I think that going on an all-day hike is different somehow. It’s not a public place and seems more intimate. I don’t think I would be comfortable with that. I also don’t think I would be comfortable doing that myself (I mean, I wouldn’t think it was a good idea for me to spend all day hiking with a male friend). Not that I think anything would happen, but it would be strange to be in such a secluded intimate setting all day with another male.

    Post # 82
    2115 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013


    DH and i had a similar convo.  i love to hike but his job requires him to be gone all of the summer. so i once asked him if he would mind that i hiked alone with a guy. (because a friends boyfriend was hiking with a married lady friend , and aparently baking pies together too :/   ) DH was kind of like “why ? you want to hike some dude??” and i was like no just curious. i honestly think it would be a bad idea (even though i was talking about me doing it) since i mean….. think about it.

    both hot and sweaty, he has to take his shirt off breathing hard for hours secluded up a mountain. yeah no…just not a good idea. bonding and shit.

    so thats my take on it. we never have friends thats the opposite sex. we had a mutual friend who used to visit me and my vis versa but only for like a half hour. it wasnt a lets hang out and watch a movie. it was more like oh lets hang out for one beer. any more is not appropriate.

    not that i dont trust him but i dont believe in putting yourself or another person in a situation where something could happen.

    Post # 83
    6255 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I am generally cool with opposite sex hangouts, but I do not think I’d be cool with an opposite sex campout! Sharing a tent is almost the same as sharing a bed. Plus, Fiance proposed on a camping trip, so there’s that. But seeing a movie, getting coffee, going to a show…that would be fine.

    Post # 86
    402 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I said yes, and it was an issue.  I never mind him having female friends, but one really irked me and got under my skin.  They hung out, and she made a “video” of photos of him and other people, nothing scandalous, pretty innocent.  However, she made it public and it upset me because it was apparent she had developed feelings for him.  He ended the friendship since then because it was uncomfortable.

    Post # 87
    8481 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Not really. I’d hang out with his best friend alone, but I was friends with him before I was friends with my Fiance, so I dont think thats weird.

    Post # 88
    2393 posts
    Buzzing bee


    No, DH and I do not hang out individually with members of the opposite sex. If he ever proposed it (which he hasn’t), I would not be down with that. 

    OP, you don’t have to come up with reasons or justify why you feel this way. It is what it is. As long as you and your DH are on the same page, it’s all good. 

    Post # 89
    1268 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 1994

    I am the outdoorsy type. So, I feel like I have some insight into the outdoorsy community to some degree. When going on any sort of outdoorsy quest, finding folks to go with no matter their gender is typically the main goal. It does get a little weird if it is only two people, and one or both of them are in a relationship. Especially if it is overnight. I would feel weird about that. 

    With that said, I do rock climbing with a friend of mine who I dated briefly. We go to a climbing gym, and rock climb for 2-3 hours there in the afternoons about once a week or so. My husband and he have become friends (through my introduction several years back). There isn’t anything going on, and my husband knows that. If my husband has a problem with it, he hasn’t said anything to me. I wouldn’t ever go on an overnight trip alone with him though. Only if it were a group thing. 


    Post # 90
    839 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @thisbeeisanon:  I have no problem with SO being friends with and hanging out with people of the opposite sex. We’re both bi anyway so neither of us would have any friends if we couldn’t socialize with genders we’re attracted to. IMO, It’s crazy and controlling to ‘ban’ your SO from being friends with the opposite gender, all it does is show your SO that you don’t trust them. It doesn’t do anything to prevent cheating anyway – cheating will happen regardless of what gender your SO’s friends are if your SO wnats to cheat. If someone cheats on you it’s because they have a lack of respect for you and the mutually agreed upon relatonship boundaries, not because they joined a mixed gender softball team. 

    OP, if you are feeling a little weird about this then just talk to your SO. Communicating about this kind of thing is super important and it strengthens your relationship. If you don’t talk your insecurities out then you won’t be able to move past them. 

    Post # 91
    172 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

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    @Ruby-Redshoes:  Yes Yes Yes! I agree with everything you said 100%. Banning your SO from hanging out with someone of the opposite sex will not prevent cheating, not to mention, I think it’s so unhealthy for the relationship to be this controlling! (in my opinion) OP, I’m not saying you’re this way, I’m just saying people that always ban their SO from being alone with people of the opposite sex.  It just seems icky to me and I couldn’t imagine being in a relationship like that, but that’s just me! Gotta find something that works for both of you, right?

    Unless you plan on locking them in a room and throwing the key away, if someone is the type to cheat on their SO they will find a way to do it, regardless of how many rules you try and lay down.

    It sounds like this generally isn’t an issue, and it’s just the idea of him hiking with another female (because that’s how you two fell for eachother and it’s something special to you) I would just speak with him about it. I also agree that communcation is key here! But I think you also should try and understand that it’s just a hobby that he really enjoys! And like I said before, if you’re able to communicate honestly with you SO where these feelings of insecurity are coming from, it will actually strengthen your relationship! (At least in my relationship it definitely has!)


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