Hi everyone! Thanks so much for your feedback yesterday. I talked with my fiance last night about this, and truthfully, the conversation went much differently than I expected.
I started by saying that I hope we would be able to have a constructive conversation about boundaries, and I began by saying how much I believe in him, and our relationship.
Initially, he was quite defensive, and said that he wouldn’t consider going on a hike with her 1:1. He stated this his intent was simply to see how I felt about the situation.
Interestingly, in his attempt to prove that there wasn’t any malicious intent on his part, he asked me to read his text messages to her. This was the part that really sickened me. They had several conversations- one that took place two weeks ago, and one this past Saturday.
The conversation on Saturday confirmed all of my fears. She intitiated the conversation, asking why he didn’t text her to go hiking. She gave her work schedule for the next month, and sent multiple wink faces (and typed “wink, wink”) when she said she would like to go with him next week. There was absolutely no mention of me or her husband. And unfortunately, my fiance contributed to the conversation by sharing his schedule too.
I asked him to read the messages from my point of view, and he became very upset- tears and all. He seemed to understand why I was so concerned, and his perception seemed to be that she was coming on to him, only after I identified it.
I’m really baffled. He’s not great about picking up social cues, in general, and I want to believe that he was just clueless in this situation (sort of like what @Rachel631:
described in her post earlier).
I guess the moral of my story is that I am very grateful to the Bees who recommended that this be a conversation, and not a be all, end all policy. I feel strongly that this conversation will lead to clarity for both of us, and we definitely need a follow-up conversation. Thank you for all of your input!