Post # 1
I would love to get outside perspective on this. My best friend and I were just going back and forth because were both kind of pissed off. Neither one of us is big on asking for things for christmas, never were. Our husbands know that so they don’t ask. They just take the time to get us something they think we’d like. My story goes like this: Mother-In-Law keeps hounding us for ideas. We tell her we really don’t want anything this year. We just got married and have plenty of stuff so we would like to keep christmas light this year. Her response was “well I would like a complete clinique skin care set”. Which I found to be so very rude. We didn’t ask, we told her we wanted it light and her response was that she wanted expensive skincare. They have plenty of money. No need to ask us for that. My friend told me that she was over the inlaws for thanksgiving and she was in the middle of a conversation saying she would prefer to donate to real families in need this year instead of gifting grown adults things they can buy themselves (they are pretty wealthy). Just then, her SIL says “oh that reminds me, I want a new ipad for christmas, youll get it for me right?”. This woman is 33 years old, married, no kids. No reason she cant get it herself and the timing left little to be desired. So that leads me to my question: do you ask for specific gifts? Or do you find it weird? I am genuinely curious how other families do it. Theres no right or wrong, just different. So it will be nice to get other peoples opinions
Post # 2
If it’s my mom asking me what I want I usually tell her what to get me (usually something practical) because she’ll just buy me a bunch of clothes I don’t want anyway, but that’s more preventative.
I would never ask for something expensive from anyone, if I want an iPad I’d buy myself one, that’s the responsible thing to do, not ask someone else for christmas, that’s just rude IMO.
When it comes to Darling Husband I usually tell him what I want, but I never really get anything for myself, it’s usually something for us (like this year I asked for an instant pot).
Post # 3
ladyvk : perfectly acceptable on all fronts. i agree its rude to ask for expensive things, no matter what the situation.
also, whats the deal with parents always gifting awful clothing?! hahah that seems to be so common
Post # 4
alfalfasprout10518 : oh my god right? I can’t even begin to explain the awful clothing I get from my mom and my Mother-In-Law. (and ofc my mom gets offended when I don’t like what she gets me, so i just started wearing everything once then donating it).
Post # 5
We both have huge families (several siblings each + spouses + tons of nieces and nephews). Until 5 or 6 years ago, everyone bought something for everyone. It was completely ridiculous and no one needs 30 $10-25 trinkets. We have slowly implemented “drawing names” on both sides of the family and it’s so much better!! Each adult buys for 1 adult and then we split up the kids so that each family is buying for a few nieces & nephews. Now each adult gets 1 $75-125 range gift and each kid gets one nicer $30-40 gift. That budget works for our family members but any budget works as long as everyone is on board! Our parents don’t play and still buy something for everyone but that’s their decision.
I HIGHLY recommend this for anyone who is totally Christmas overwhelmed! You get and give nicer, lasting presents and it’s less expensive.
I’m terrible about thinking about things I want so I just keep a little list on my phone throughout the year so when Christmas comes around I can give a few suggestions when asked.
Post # 6
I don’t generally ask for specific gifts, but both my parents and my future in laws ask me and my fiance what specific gifts we want. Even if we tell them not to get us anything, we don’t need anything, they don’t need to spend money on us, etc., they both tend to just go ahead and go overboard with things they think we want or need. Both of our moms are gift givers; they love giving gifts, and both of our families definitely have the means to do so, so we’ve resigned ourselves to the fact that no matter what we say, they will be getting us things. Since we’re both just coming out of grad/medical school, we use the opportunity to ask for daily things that we could buy (i.e. skincare, new clothes, jackets, shoes, etc.), but it is very nice to not have to worry about them for a little while.
That being said; NO ONE I know asks us for gifts – our parents just say “spend time with us,” and our siblings only suggest a giftcard if they are pestered about what they want. It is very presumptuous for someone to specifically request you buy them something, especially something expensive. I’d be very put off and probably make a donation to a charity in their name instead.
Post # 7
alfalfasprout10518 : I make a wish list, which I share with my own family because that’s how we roll. Sure I can buy that stuff for myself and let them get me things I don’t want or need, but then what do I do, go complain that I’m gifted ugly clothes when I didn’t share what I was interested in? Logic circuits shorting out.
That said, I only share the list if I’m asked, I don’t just pop out and announce my demands because that’s obnoxious. My mother in law wings it and I get soap (also See’s though!). I prefer my family’s method. I still wouldn’t dream of telling anyone to get me an iPad though my folks do buy expensive gifts occasionally to help out.
Post # 8
I can see if someone asks, you tell them, sure. But to just volunteer “this is what I want” I find very rude.
Our parents ask us what we want, and we just don’t need anything.
I’d be really taken aback in both of your situations.
Post # 9
dgirl715 : my husband also has a huge family on both sides so every year we do a yankee swap on both sides. its actually really fun and we get pretty cut throat about it too. its really the only way to handle big families in my opinion. we also all decided that since the cousins are all having kids (and tere are so many) we rarely gift every child. thats a larhe orphange worth of children! if siblings wish to gift their nieces and nephews thats ok but all the extended family doesnt do it.
chelbell23 : all that makes perfect sense. for me, i agree that i just find it rude to volunteer christmas wishes. especially expensive wishes. thats just in poor taste
Post # 10
jellybellynelly : thank you! i mean, a child can do that because they are children. but grown ass adults telling other adults they want this and that is just too weird to me
Post # 11
alfalfasprout10518 : Yeah, that’s rude. My husband and I don’t want gifts but there’s no way my in laws won’t do the whole gift giving thing so we go along with it every year. When asked what WE want, we say candles or something generic and generally inexpensive that we will actually use.
My sister will tell me what she wants each year, but it’s always something reasonable like mascara, panties, PJ’s, etc. If she told me to buy her an iPad I would laugh in her face.
I would not be giving into these crazy demands, purchase gifts that you want to give them and are in a reasonable price range.
Post # 12
- Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016
Yes, I do, as does just about everyone in my family, except for my mom who is the biggest gift giver out of everyone. I don’t think it’s rude if that’s what tradition for your family, though your examples make it seem like anyone who asks for a specific gift ever always does so at inappropriate times or only wants expensive things.
Personally, I love giving gifts, and I think it’s fun to be surprised in return. Our families aren’t particularly large, and the few years we tried to do a Secret Santa type thing it always fizzled out because generally, we all like getting something for everyone, not just the person we picked. Maybe that’s not “humble” enough for others, but that’s just how it goes. I like shopping, giving gifts and receiving gifts.
Post # 13
My mom is constantly asking what we want and it’s hard because we don’t want to ask for anything too expensive and if we want something we typically just buy it. We started online wishlists on my side of the family this year so maybe that will help. I need to find a way to reign her in.
Post # 14
I don’t generally ask for gifts. I’m often asked what I want and struggle to come up with ideas. The only things I usually want are expensive because otherwise I tend to just buy things for myself, but I also wouldn’t ask for expensive presents for the reasons above. It’s a catch 22.
I do feel that I need to give dh some ideas for what to get me this year, because I know I’m hard to shop for and I bought him presents, so I know he’ll feel bad if he doesn’t buy me something. But it kind of defeats the point of a “gift” to me if I have to tell someone exactly what to get me.
Post # 15
If its a long-standing tradition between people that they give presents, like close family or spouses, I think its acceptable to tell someone what you want without the person asking first.