Do you ask people to give toasts or is it spontaneous?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
9738 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

We only had my dad, the best man, and maid of honor give toasts. We never specifically asked them to but those are the traditional toast givers and all three mentioned giving a speech without us needing to ask.

We didn’t want too much time taken up by speeches so we didn’t open it to anyone else. We had the DJ hand the mic to each person for thier speech and then had him take it back with him after the last person.

Post # 3
Member
2631 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

We had the best man, maid of honor, and both of our fathers give a short toast.  We had talked about it beforehand with each person, so everyone knew what order/when they would speak.

Post # 5
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Definitely delegate speeches and let people know the order they’ll be speaking in. Nothing is worse than going to a wedding where the mic is open and EVERYONE gives a 10 minute toast. 

Shut up and let me dance! 😉

Post # 6
Member
200 posts
Helper bee

I will tell you right now that no guest is a fan of speeches, so limit them as much as possible.

Post # 7
Member
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

lmo013 :  for the wedding, we are having our parents, best man, and moh give short speeches and they all know this in advance but I actually love toasts. I love hearing everybody’s good wishes so we are letting anybody who wants to give a toast do so the night before at our rehearsal/ welcome dinner. This is to have the balance of making room for dancing and other reception activities on the weddibg day while still letting people give us their blessing. 

Post # 8
Member
6859 posts
Busy Beekeeper

So one of the most awkward things [speech related] happened at the last wedding I went to.

There was no set schedule or anything of speeches. I was close with these people [no bridal party], but they didnt ask in advance if anyone wanted to do a speech, i certainly didnt come forward to want to do one. So one person gave a speech, and everyone clapped. Then they said “Ok, anyone else want to say something?” *crickets* “Anyone?” *crickets* How about you Jellybellynelly? Would you like to say a few words? (I shook my head and said no). Someone else was like “Oh I will!” and it was a short nice thing, gave the mic back “Okay anyone else?”

Ugh. I still cringe thinking about it. A) being put on the spot was not cool, and it felt like a weird auction where no one wanted the prize. Honestly it would have been better to have the 1 speech that someone WANTED to give and go on with the evening rather than try to drum up more. granted, this was a smaller, 40 person wedding, but still.

So anyways, my suggestions are – dont force anyone to do a toast. Even if traditionally the Bridesmaid or Best Man does a toast, but doesnt feel comfortable, please dont force anyone. I do think you can reach out ahead of time with something like “are you interested in saying anything at the reception?” if its a no thankyou, take it and go, if they say sure, jot their name down. I like doing speeches during dinner so people arent just watching someone talk, so you dont need to ‘schedule’ them too much. More like “Hey jessica, are you ok to speak after appetizers are on the table? We’ll let the DJ know.”

I dont like an open mic for any drunkard to come up and start speaking though. So I would def have the list of people who are speaking and limit it to that.

Sorry, this ended up being way longer than I expected lol.

Post # 9
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

futuremrsdaniellebell :  I understand that 🙂 but I went to a wedding once where 12 people toasted and it took an hour and a half… at some point it’s too much!

Post # 10
Member
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

lmo013 :  sorry, I thought I had tagged the OP! I wasn’t disagreeing with what you said at all – we are only spending 15 mins tops on speeches at our wedding and it will be over dinner at that. 

Post # 11
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

futuremrsdaniellebell :  s’all good!! I think you’ve actually come up with a great solution 🙂

Post # 12
Member
1459 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Definitely ask the people to want to talk- don’t open up the floor for anyone to say something. That’s always so awkward!

Post # 13
Member
47205 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you want the traditional toasts, do the traditional thing and ask certain people to fulfill the role. Also give them firm direction to remain within 3-5 minutes.

Post # 14
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Honestly, the speeches/toasts have a tendency to be either really good or really bad. Some weddings I’ve attended have had endless toasts and it’s just felt really unnecessary. Other weddings I’ve been to haven’t had many speeches but they’ve dragged on forever. We asked my dad and Mother-In-Law if they would say something, then my sister (MOH) volunteered to say something on behalf of the bridal party as Darling Husband didn’t have a best man. We asked them all to keep it under 3 minutes and our MC (DH’s BIL) was under strict instructions to not let anyone else have the mic. He said that no one else even asked so it wasn’t a problem at all.

Post # 15
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

We didn’t ask anyone to speak, they asked us if they could. We ended up with 5 speaches and they were all lovely, but could have probably done with a couple less. 

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