Do you ask people to give toasts or is it spontaneous?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Our planner told us to ask the people who will be making speeches, and even told us who normally would do it because we really did not think of it. My parents and both MOHs are doing speeches and the best man is doing the toast. I am almost certain that my uncle will do a toast during dinner though!

Post # 17
7002 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Generally it’s assumed that the Best Man and Maid of Honor will give a speach. Often a parent or even the couple will give a welcome (my dad did a welcome at my wedding). Definitely confirm who you would like to give a toast, and pick the order. In my experience, as a wedding photographer, usually the Maid/Matron of Honor goes first. Their toasts tend to be sappy (and 99% of the time they cry) while the guys tend to go for funny – which helps to lighten up the mood after an emotional toast.

For the love of all things wedding….avoid open mic. It is, hands down, one of the wrost things you can do at a reception. I once had a wedding where a TON of people got up and took the mic. It was horrible. The rest of the guests were so over it, a lot of people ended up leaving early.

Post # 18
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

In my opinion, speeches are something that should be tightly controlled. Ask the folks who you’d like to say a word or two well in advance. Make sure they agree to a time limit. Check in a few days before hand to make sure they’re still willing. 

I’ve see the “anyone have something they’d like to add” before and I’ve never seen it go well. It’s either a drunk friend who starts crying, an aunt who tells a super inappropriate story that’s actually really insulting, or someone who just happens to have a three page single space sermon ready to go. 

Post # 19
9174 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

at Rehearsal Dinner, it was bridal party and whoever else wanted to.

at wedding, my mom, best man, and Maid/Matron of Honor only

Post # 20
958 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think speeches at weddings are horrific. I have yet to hear a really good one. Limit them as much as possible and please ask the people first so they can prepare something if they want.

We didn’t have speeches at our wedding. No one missed them. No one cared. No one asked to speak and no one asked when they were going to happen.

Post # 21
841 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Deligate for sure.  First, you don’t want EVERYONE giving a speech.  That is just way too much for a guest to sit through.  Second, spontaneous is not always a good thing.  Speeches are usually much better when they are actually thought out first.

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