(Closed) Do you believe engagements should be a surprise or discussed beforehand?

posted 5 years ago in Proposals
Post # 2
Member
9524 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

What do you mean? The fact of getting engaged or the proposal? I think that the couple should discuss if they are on the same emotional page and at the same point of the relationship. As for the proposal, again, communication. The person being proposed to should state their preferences, whether they want a public, private, in front of family… But the actual proposal should be a surpirise. Just my thoughts 

Post # 3
Member
1307 posts
Bumble bee

I really don’t think the plan to become married should be a surprise, at all.  If my Fiance proposed to me before we ever discussed a future together, I would have questioned his judgment heavily.  

If you’re talking about the actual ACT of the proposal, as in, what day it will happen and how, then I’m ok with THAT being a surprise.  I told my Fiance long ago when we were discussing marriage that I would heavily dislike a public proposal.  This still kept it a secret as to when and how, and I got my private proposal :).

Post # 4
Member
927 posts
Busy bee

For me, definitely discussed. Not the proposal so much but definitely the plan to get engaged. 

Post # 5
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

It depends on the couple. Some people are fine with agreeing they are engaged without a proposal. Some women like the traditional proposal where it’s a total surprise and there are other women who like any and everything in between. 

but everyone should discuss where they think the relationship is going and if they will get married and when. The engagement should definitely be discussed beforehand. The proposal and the engagement itself are separate in my mind. 

After my Fiance and I decided to get married we discussed the proposal in general terms. He said he’d prefer to do the traditional thing and propose himself in the next few months. I said I’d prefer a more private proposal. The proposal he devised was a total surprise and completely private and romantic. 

Post # 7
Member
358 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Proposals can be a surprise. Engagements should be discussed.

Post # 8
Member
1429 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I believe in couples doing what works for them.

Post # 9
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

View original reply
cbops:  My answer is still the same. Engagements should always be discussed. Picking out the ring, or even if there will be a ring, depends on the couple. Everyone has different preferences. 

Post # 10
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

The idea of getting married should be discussed beforehand but the proposal really deepends on the couple

Post # 11
Member
2716 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

I agree – engagement discussed, this doesn’t stop the proposal being a surprise.  My Fiance tried to keep it a secret but I guessed correctly!  He also knew I wanted to pick my own ring so had a stand-in (family ring he’d borrowed from his mum) to propose with and we went to choose mine the next day.

Post # 12
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Not the proposal itself,  but possible engagement/marriage – yes,  definitely

 

Post # 13
Member
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I’m another one for a definite discussion about marriage in general and rough timelines of engagement expectation if marriage is on the cards for both parties.

My Fiance and I talked about marriage in general really early on and knew we were roughly on the same page, later down the line we got in to our wedding talk and engagement. Fiance really wanted me to have a ring that I loved and for that to be the one he proposed with, so we ring shopped together, but he kept the ring hidden and the proposal was a surprise =)

Post # 14
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Whatever works for the couple and their families (mostly the couple lol).

Post # 15
Hostess
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

A discussion about the future should be had, so you both know marriage would be a next step. Once that’s established, then I’m on the side of “let the guy surprise you” lol. Ive had women say its almost like a right of passage for a guy, its one of the biggest and most important questions he will ever ask, so let them take the reigns and surprise you. But in our society, a lot of women are choosing their own rings with input from the guy and having the actual proposal be the surprise, which is perfectly normal too! Our generation is certainly shaking up what used to be considered the norm, and proposals and engagements should be what is right for the couple, not what everyone else thinks is right

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