(Closed) Do you believe past sexual abusers can change?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 77
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think it depends on the age of the sibling. If it is and exploration thing, kind of like playing doctor, then I don’t think recidivism is a concern. A close guy friend of mine’s older (by a year) sister initiated a few sexual moments when they were little because she had a crush on him. She literally didn’t know that siblings don’t ‘play doctor’ etc. Once that became clear, it never happened again when they were like 10 or 11. He said that he initiated stuff 1-2 times as well because he liked it – he said they didn’t realise siblings don’t have crushes on each other until his sister told him and said they couldn’t play anymore. 

I don’t think that is the case with you. My main concern would be that your brother is apologising you to ease your mind and to stop you from speaking to his wife. I am a cynic with trust issues, though. 

Personally, I would not be letting my children be alone with him, ever. I’d also be keeping a very close eye on him with his own children. A friend of mine was abused by her grandfather for years from the age of 4-14. Her sister was abused from 3-16. When it all came out, it turned out he had abused his own son (their father). Their father assumed his dad was only into boys and didn’t think he’d do anything to the girls. He was wrong. 

Post # 78
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@private1:  I was a court-appointed special advocate for years for high-risk/at-risk kids from birth to 18.  In 90% of these cases there was a sexual abuse component.  60% of these cases the kids knew their abuser and the other 30% they didn’t.  ALL of the sex predators continued to commit their crime.  We had to track them as so many were family members.  My damn heart breaks.  I get enraged.  It has long been know, by specialist in the prison system and law enforcement, that sex predators are the number one population impervious to rehabilitation.  They suppress it for a bit.  That is all.  I feel for you.  All one can do, is if one knows someone with this history, one will always have to watch that individual around children or whomever they have targeted.  They will always need to be watched.  I’m sorry to say.  Go with your gut instinct.

 

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