(Closed) Do you believe that “everything happens for a reason?”

posted 11 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 17
Member
2280 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Sure, everything happens for a reason. That doesn’t mean they’re good reasons, though. It’s not a matter of God throwing crap in your direction to make you a better person or steal you away to the heavens, that’s not what it is. There are bad forces at work too. Awful, tragic forces. Thank God for the good and do what you can with the bad. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 18
Member
5262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Not in the way that most people like to think. 

Example: if I don’t get a job I apply for, I don’t think it’s because I’m “meant” to get a job that’s better for me – I think it’s because someone else was better qualified, or I didn’t have a good interview that day, etc. I think that I can learn from it and keep working hard, and therefore make the best of that situation. 

I don’t believe in any kind of fate or ultimate plan, but I do believe that people who are good and kind tend to receive more kindness simply because we help those that we like/love more. We invest ourselves in those we care about. And, on the flip side, bad things happen to good people. I know one of the kindest families in the world who has had everything bad under the sun happen to them – their daughter was born with Down’s, then the mom was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer, the dad had serious health issues, and their son started showing symptoms of a neurological disorder. Their insurance ran out and they live on one policeman’s salary. Yet they stay positive. I don’t think that was part of any plan or that there is any higher power helping them through – I think that their family and friends are there for them, and they lean on each other. They find strength within themselves to get through it, and as a result they are strong. 

I know everyone has a different philosophy, that’s just how I see things! 

Post # 19
Member
1347 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with

View original reply
@crayfish: that with work, and sometimes hard work, we can grow from experiences.

This conversation reminds me of this career development theory called planned happenstance. The name is an intentional oxymoron – it’s the idea that events aren’t just destined for us or blind luck, but that we can create opportunities out of the things that happen in our lives.

I think it’s okay to believe that things happen for a reason, or that they don’t, as long as we use that belief for good, and not for making excuses (not that anyone here is saying that).

Post # 20
Member
2006 posts
Buzzing bee

@lilyfaith: I totally agree with you. And it is really obvious you have a scientist’s mind ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 21
Member
487 posts
Helper bee

I want to because it makes everything easier, gives bad things a purpose.  I tend to believe that you are in control of your own destiny and will get the best results by making well informed and weighed decisions.  There are just some terrible things that happen in the world that I can’t find any reason for.  Anything “good” that comes out of it is purely coincidental.

Post # 22
Member
722 posts
Busy bee

No, and I also don’t believe we “aren’t given more than we can handle.”

Post # 23
Member
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

@lilyfaith – thanks for expressing my beliefs a lot better than I did ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 24
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I used to but not anymore! Nothing major happened to change my opinion but I’m a firm believer that sometimes things just happen, bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people and I just don’t understand it. I’m a religious person but I don’t believe everything happens for a reason, I think things just happen sometimes w/o an explanation.

Post # 25
Member
2343 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@lilyfaith: I am so with you on everything you said.

My Fiance is very into “everything happens for a reason” and to be honest, it sometimes irks me because I feel like sometimes people use that expression as a cop-out or a crutch.  I think a lot of things happen in life that are senseless, and its okay to say that. But some people cope with it better by trying to say it happened for a reason – personally, I feel that diminishes the significance of a serious tragedy. It’s fine to say what you learned from something negative, or how it shaped your life, or how you took it and made something positive from it, but I hesitate to say that means something bad was meant to take place for those things to happen. For example, no matter what the eventual positive outcome, I never think God or any other power means for children and young people to die. I recently lost a good friend who was 29 and accidentally overdosed, and I do not believe for one second that happened for a reason. Sure, we can grow from it, but that’s not WHY it happened. It happened because the world isn’t perfect and bad things happen and people make bad choices.

Post # 26
Member
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think everything does happen for a reason. This became even more apparent to me after my 19 year old brother died in a tragic car accident. There seems to be no reason on the outside, but I know there is when I think about it more in depth. I think many times, the “reason” is to spare that particular person from more tragedy or to have others learn a lesson from it. Or for the simple fact that bad things happen in this world. I also believe that tragic things happen in order to test our faith.

I guess i have a very differnet view. I feel like my brother was taken out of MERCY because his life was on a downward spiral. Had he continued, he likely would have gotten killed or OD’d himself, and I feel like he was taken out of Mercy at such a young age. It’s a viewpoint I never had until a few years ago

Post # 27
Member
2857 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden

No. I think that things just happen.

There are too many shitty things that happen in this world that can’t possibly have a good reason behind them. Rape, abuse, genocide, catastrophic oil spills… I suppose there are causes behind those things, but those causes are not reasons.

I do believe that we all have free will and that we should learn from what happens to us and grow as people.

I also believe that some people cope with tragedies by believing that there is a higher power orchestrating everything. If that makes thoese people feel better, then I’m all for it. But I don’t believe it myself.

I also hate when someone tries to console me after something bad has happened by telling me that everything happens for a reason. It never makes me feel better.

Post # 28
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2006

Everything happens for a reason, but sometimes that reason is because someone else is a jerk.  Events, both good and bad, shape our lives and the person that we become.  Sometimes the smallest thing (an offhand comment someone makes) becomes a huge catharsis in our lives while sometimes a big event (like losing your house because you actually just spent your mortgage on other stuff instead of paying it) happens and people still don’t learn anything from it.  There are some things we can control, like our environment (to an extent), our diet (within affordable reason), what we do for a living and who we share our lives with and other things we can’t (like getting most types of cancer, losing a friend to a terrible tragedy, etc.) 

I am religious, but I often have a “crisis of faith” because I just don’t think God is manipulating if I get a certain job, don’t drop a fence post on my foot, etc . .

Post # 29
Member
2286 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

For the most part I do. I was disappointed when I didn’t get into grad school, but I met Fiance because of it, that sort of thing. But I also believe that if someone dies, it’s not because God wanted it to happen. I’m with the guy that wrote “When Bad Things Happen to Good People”. When crap happens, we find God in each other and in our caring for each other.

Post # 30
Member
5262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

View original reply
@babyboo: Thanks. ๐Ÿ™‚ I adore social and evolutionary psychology! And abnormal psychology. And neuroscience. Really, let’s just say if I don’t get into grad school I have no idea what I’ll do with my life haha…

Post # 31
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee

No, not really.  I mean of course there’s cause and effect but I also believe in randomness to a degree, like chaos theory stuff – lots of little reasons snowballing but not because there’s any grand scheme.  The way the saying is it just seems too passive to me. 

I guess I’ve always heard it as everything happens for a reason, you just don’t know what that reason is yet.  But to me, it’s you who’s going to make the difference and action.  I am Christian and do believe in divine intervention and guidance and all that good stuff, but I also believe in free will and that being a big part of religion, the choices you make in response to situations are important and you’re not just passively part of a bigger plan. 

And if someone said that phrase to me after something bad had happened I would feel a strong urge to kick them (not act out on it) because it just sounds condescending, like you know some secret but in reality they don’t know the reason either, and it could have just been a really small stupid thing and not some all important thing. Don’t confidently tell me you know this is part of some plan when someone is mourning and that this badness fell for some important reason, to me that’s not comforting or positive since it could be untrue.

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