- 4 years ago
This is something that’s been bugging me for several days. I’m still early in my relationship with my boyfriend, but I was wondering if you believe when you marry someone you also marry the family.
I met my boyfriend’s parents for the first time a couple of months ago. They live out of state but visit his siblings quite often because of the grandchildren.
They were very nice to me the first time we met but we saw them again over Thanksgiving and his mom wasn’t quite as friendly as I remembered. I thought maybe she was tired or could have had something else on her mind so tried not to take her attitude personally until the following happened.
When we were getting dinner, I did not take any turkey because I don’t like it. Even if I smother it with gravy, I just don’t like it, never have. His mom noticed and asked why I didn’t take any. I explained why. She called over BF’s aunt (the hostess) to point out that I didn’t take any turkey. The aunt couldn’t believe it. “Who doesn’t like turkey?!” was her response. Then his grandmother got involved and it turned into a really big deal. His mom said in front of everyone that I was insulting the host by not taking any turkey. I didn’t know what to do as I was completely embarrassed so I took some turkey to shut them up and covered it with a ton of gravy, which they also took note of.
I sat down next to my boyfriend who heard something but wasn’t sure what the commotion was about. Everyone was staring at me waiting to see if I would eat the turkey. It was probably one of the strangest situations I’ve ever been in. I finally took a small bite and his mother said “well?..” I said the gravy is wonderful (I was trying to put some humor in the situation) and the aunt made a very moist turkey. His mom said “that’s because you took dark meat which is bad for you”. I was in a no win situation.
My Boyfriend or Best Friend pretty much brushed everything off. He said if I don’t like turkey then don’t eat it. I said I will eat what I took because I don’t want to waste food. I was still totally embarrassed.
After dinner I excused myself to the bathroom upstairs and when I came out BF’s SIL was waiting. I thought she was waiting for the bathroom but she was waiting to talk to me. She pulled me into the bedroom and said I seem like a really nice girl and she were me, she would run away from this family as fast as she could. She explained how critical the mom was to her, mainly on how she hasn’t lost the baby weight (she just had her second child 8 months ago) and I didn’t hear the mom comment on the amount of food on her plate, stating that it looked like she was still eating for two.
She gave me many more examples (many before they were married) and asked why she married BF’s brother if things were this bad. She said she thought she could handle it but it’s getting much harder especially now that they have kids, she can’t do anything right. She said had she realized things would be this bad, she would have never married her husband.
I had a very good relationship with my ex’s family and always thought you do marry the family to an extend. But after seeing how they treated me I’m really concerned. I know I should have stood up for myself, looking back, but at the time I just froze.
Do I just need to get a backbone? I’ve tried talking to my Boyfriend or Best Friend but he thinks I’m making a big deal out of nothing.
What do you think? Am I screwed if I stay with him (and yes, we have talked about marriage)