After how things went at Christmas, I think I’m going to have to make a tough decision.
The same aunt that had Thanksgiving had Christmas dinner at her house. We asked what we could bring and we were told a dessert so we brought a pumpkin pie. As soon as we walked in the door, my boyfriend’s mom said, as soon as she found out it was pumpkin pie, that she hates pumpkin pie and asked why we didn’t bring a pie that “everyone” likes. My boyfriend did not say anything back but just rolled his eyes.
The aunt served turkey again and his mom said to me she hoped I ate before we came as we’re having turkey again. I just smiled and said there was lots of food there that I liked.
His family opens presents one at a time so everyone watches what everyone else is getting. A couple of weeks ago my boyfriend asked me to go shopping with him to help pick out a blouse and scarf for his mom because that’s what she wanted. I thought we picked out something very nice but she hated it and let it be knows. First, the size was too big, which she went on and on about – even though it was the size she told us to get! Then she didn’t like the material and the scarf was too scratchy. The rest of the family totally kisses her ass and kept saying that the scarf did look itchy (even though we asked the sales clerk – who was wearing that same scarf but a different color and she said it was NOT itchy). Only one other aunt said how pretty it was and how we must have put a lot of thought into it, but it fell on deaf ears.
I think what bothered me that instead of standing up for himself, my boyfriend just chose to completely ignore her. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t expect him to start a huge argument there, but if my mom did that to me, I would have said I’m sorry you didn’t like it, we put a lot of thought into it but we will give you the receipt to exchange it.
So when the aunt put the desserts out, his mom again made a huge deal about how we brought pumpkin pie. She said “redmango must have picked it out because boyfriend would have never brought pumpkin pie”. Even though I don’t like pumpkin pie, my whole family loves it, so I wrongly assumed most people liked it. I said that we were told someone was already bringing an apple pie so I thought this would be a good choice. She also loudly criticized the fact that the pie was from Costco and not Baker’s Square, that as a guest it is a faux pax to bring a “cheap” pie. Again, boyfriend stood there – he heard her this time – and chose to say nothing. The rest of the family did not make a big deal about the pie and most of them did eat it. The only other member that said something was his aunt, the hostess, that said I should have asked what pie to bring. I reminded her that we did ask her and she said to bring whatever we wanted but someone was already bringing apple. She denied that conversation.
So I’m torn because to me this ignoring of his mom’s behavior is kind of enabling it. Then again, maybe they’re so sick of her that they just tune her out. I’ve tried talking to my boyfriend about it but he kind of shuts me out. He did not think the pie thing was a big deal either. I said it was embarrassing again for me and he brushed it off.
I’m not sure if I’m overreacting but I don’t like his lack of acknowleding my feelings. His answer to everything is to blow it off. He treats me well otherwise but this bothers me. I’m guessing this is how things will always be – his mom is critical and he blows it off and doesn’t stand up for me. He told me again to just ignore her when she goes on her rants. But it’s really hard for me.