Post # 1
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
Hi Bees – if you have a work function or party where you’re invited with a +1, do you typically bring your DH? Do you think it depends on the circumstances?
I ask because there is a party being held immediately after work (5-7pm) at my office and the entire co was invited with a +1. At first I felt I should definitely bring DH so he can enjoy it with me, see my office, meet my co-workers and boss, etc. However, now I’m sort of having second thoughts. I’m 36 and recently made a big career switch so I have a pretty junior role there despite my age, with most of my co-workers being in their 20’s and much more established there then me. I just hate to make DH take a train (it’s an hour plus commute from our home to my work) to a party with people who may not even care to meet him. My boss, at least, is a few decades older than me and bringing his wife. I’ve been with the company 6 months and it’s going well, but socially I feel like I’m not really part of the “in crowd,” which is usually fine and I don’t really care, but when it comes to social functions there I feel a bit awkward and out of place.
So, knowing what I told you, do you think it’s worth it to make DH take the trip out to my work for the party? Sorry if it seems like I’m over thinking this- I have social anxiety in certain situations, especially at my current work where I feel like I’m the older married lady working an entry level job (I’m insecure!). DH is very easy going and said he’s happy to come, or stay home, and it’s completely up to me.
Post # 2
Member
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
If it’s immediately after work and at your office, I would say you probably don’t need to have your husband adventure out to join. I think it’s a bit odd they had +1’s for an after work, in office event. If it were a holiday party or some sort of gathering then I would say without question have him come. But, if it’s a casual after work event and you want to get to know your co-workers, I would have him stay home so you can do that. While it would be good to have him there if you do have some sort of social anxieties, this could be very good for you to not have to worry about entertaining him.
Post # 3
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
I would not be bringing him under those circumstances.
Post # 4
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
rusticchic212 : maybe having him there would help you get to know your coworkers a little better, and give you someone to talk to should the coworkers not feel particularly social.
I bring my DH to work events where it’s applicable. If it’s a +1 event or friends and family, yep, he’s there if he can make it (and if he wants to go…I don’t “expect” him to go to things for work because I realize they can be boring if you’re not an employee).
I think this would be a great opportunity to loosen up and get to know your office mates and maybe diffuse some of your insecurity! Nothing like a DH/FI/BF to be a perfect security blanket. I say go for it.
Post # 5
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
Depends on the situation. I usually tell him about it and then let him decide if he wants to go.
Post # 6
Member
4309 posts
Honey bee
It sounds like having him there might help you relax a bit?
Post # 7
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
I wouldnt considering the hour communte, seems not needed for an event that sounds pretty casual? I would just explain and they should understand, then bring him for the christmas party or whatever later in the year. I understand having he security blanket of him but you are going to have future events he cant be at, might as well get to know co workers better in a more casual setting so you wont be worried later on.
Post # 8
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
If it’s a +1 event they are basically saying “and spouse”. Bring him, it helps get to know co-workers on a personal level and you might get better aquatinted with them.
Post # 9
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
Thank you all so much for your comments and feedback! So interesting – seems like the opinion is split!
I should say that even though it sounds like a casual party with the time and location (and there’s no dress code-people are wearing what they wear to work), I think this is the co’s annual party, they hold it in the summer instead of holiday time (from what I’ve heard). People have said they usually hold it off-site but this year decided to hold it in-house with a DJ, catering, drinks, and such. I know I didn’t provide that info before.
So, based on the input, I think I will bring DH. I’d like him to see the office, be my security blanket just in case, and even if my co-workers aren’t that friendly, I think at least my boss would be happy to meet him.
Thanks again everybody! 🙂
Post # 10
Member
3324 posts
Sugar bee
I’d probably bring him. One of the things I really liked about my last workplace was that it was very ‘spouse friendly’. This one, not so much. I’ve only met 1 persons spouse, and she doesn’t even work here anymore. I don’t really like that, but IDK not much you can really do.
Post # 11
Member
1254 posts
Bumble bee
My fi comes to work parties with me when his schedule permits. He is self-employed and has a few of my colleagues as clients (and wouldn’t mind if more came to him). I, on the other hand, HATE going to anything work/networking related for him. I barely know people and don’t really love making small talk. Everyone there assumes I’m riding on the coattails of my professionally successful fiancé which couldn’t be less the case as I am, in fact, the breadwinner at the moment. He likes to walk around and work the room. So I usually show up late or leave early, staying just long enough to show my face and say hello to his established clients and the people we are friends with.
Post # 12
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee
I tend not to take DH to work events. He comes to social events with colleagues who I’m actually friends with but there’s no way Id take him to any end of year thing or Christmas party.
Post # 13
Member
7887 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I like bringing DH to work social events so he can see what my work life is like, and he’s always agreeable. However, if it was a huge hassle for him to attend, I would encourage him to keep doing what he’s doing and make his own plans.
For OP, I would tell him about the work event and see what he’d rather do. There’s no right or wrong answer.
Post # 14
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
rusticchic212 : In that situation, I would. I generally take my lead from everyone else: if partners are invited, my husband is invited. If partners are welcome but few or none come, then I don’t bother inviting DH.
In this case, your DH is happy to come, so why not? And if I was insecure (as you are), that’s extra reason to invite him.
Post # 15
Member
2668 posts
Sugar bee
If my Fiance is able to make it to my work-related events and I am able to make it to his, we go. I have been with the same company for almost 5 years now; it’s a very small office (my boss, me, another full timer and the boss’s wife who works part time) so our SOs are always welcome. My Fiance has recently moved to a new company and really wants me to come to the next event so that I can meet his new bosses (they knew his dad, who sadly passed away last year).
If this is the company’s annual party, I’d say bring your DH along. The plus is that you’ll have someone to talk to no matter what.