Post # 1
I have been struggling with this question for weeks. I am a bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding this weekend and I don’t know if I am supposed to get her a wedding gift or not. Here’s the background:
My wedding was this past June, and I had my 4 closest friends (friend mentioned above was one of them) and my sister as bridesmaids. Each of them attended my shower (they didn’t pay for the shower, my mother-in-law did) and gave a gift. They attended my bachelorette party which was free other than $5 for a wine tasting and cost of their own dinner at a local mexican restaurant, and went out for a few drinks afterwards at a bar, and they each got me some lingerie item and I had to guess who each was from, and they all pitched in $10 to get me a food processor. Their dresses were $110.00 plus whatever alterations they had, and none of them had to buy shoes because I let them wear whatever shoes they wanted and they each already had a pair. Plus I paid for their hair to get done on the wedding day, and I bought them really nice embroidered bags from Lands End. So my point is, their costs were very low but I still asked that they not buy me a wedding gift because their gift to me was being a part of my special day.
Fast forward to my friends wedding festitivites. She is the kind of girl who is slightly spoiled, and loves to be showered with gifts. She has NOT said anything to us about not buying her a wedding gift. We all had to pay her mother to throw her shower ($20), and obviously bought gifts. We all had to pay $100 for her bachelorette party, plus lingerie as a gift, and I bought her a $20 bottle of wine at the winery we went to. My dress cost the same as her dress cost, and alterations, and I had to buy shoes $40.00 (expected) and I have to pay for my own hair (expected) at $60.00 cost.
The rest of the bridal party had been emailing back and forth about what we should all get for a wedding gift, and I responded “I did not know wedding gifts from the bridal party were mandatory, none of my bridemaids bought me one (her included.” No one responded to me.
I’m not trying to be cheap or adding pennies here and there, but, I have spent more money on her “wedding festivities” than she did on mine, so my question is, do I get her a wedding gift even though she did not get me one?
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@annabelle2412: My suggestion is to just get her something smaller. When my BFF got engaged I started putting away money and when her wedding day came she got what was left in that account, which wasn’t much because I spent A LOT on the dress, shoes and festivities.
Post # 4
@annabelle2412: I think it depends on the bride. My bridesmaids only had to pay for their travel expenses (accommodations, jewelry, etc., were all provided/paid for by me) and I spent about $100 on gifts for them. I told them not to get me any gifts because their flight was about $400. My other friend is getting married and I’m her Maid/Matron of Honor and I don’t plan on getting her a gift, however, I am making her invites (I’m paying for materials), jewelry, cake topper and favors.
Post # 5
Up to you. I don’t think a gift is required though.
Post # 6
Just because people are in the wedding party doesn’t mean they don’t need to buy a gift and just because she didn’t get you anything doesn’t mean you shouldn’t not get her anything.
Post # 7
@annabelle2412: If she didn’t buy you one and you have already contributed a lot to wedding events, then I would pass on buying a gift. Being in the wedding is your gift, which is the same gift she gave you.
Post # 8
@annabelle2412: You were very generous for telling your bridesmaids that a gift was not necessary, and for also trying to limit their costs. However, it’s expected that when you accept to being a bridesmaid there will be expenses. When I accept to being a bridesmaid, I feel like it’s best to expect the worst case scenario: Paying for dress, shows, hair, makeup, nails, throwing a shower, giving a shower gift, bachlorette party (possible gift here too), travel costs and wedding gift. It’s up to the bride if she wants to limit these costs if she can, but sometimes it’s just not financially possible.
That being said, you need to get her a gift. She’s getting married and the day is about her. It doesn’t have to be a big gift or an expensive one, but I think it needs to be something.
I don’t believe that paying for your dress, helping throw the shower, or spending money on “wedding festivities” is a gift at all.
Post # 9
@alleycat1984: Why though would I buy her a gift if she didn’t buy me something? My thoughts are that if she really felt a wedding gift was necessary, she would have given me one regardless of me telling her not to.
Post # 10
@annabelle2412: Yes, I think that you should get the bride a gift, but a smaller gift. Being a bridesmaid is very expensive and I don’t think any bride would expect a big gift from any bridesmaid of hers.
Post # 11
Honestly, if I got my friend a birthday gift and she didn’t get me one, I wouldn’t stop getting her gifts. I don’t agree with the whole if you rub my back I’ll rub yours.
Post # 12
Yes but to a limit. I’m not going to buy a bridal shower gift, a wedding gift, and that not even counting all the money that it cost to be in a wedding party.
I think if you have a friend buy a dress, and pay all of the cost associated in being a part of someone elses big day, the bride really doesn’t have a leg to stand on, on being pissed because they didn’t get an extra gift on top of that.
After bride and groom and family, they spend the most money to attend your weddng.
Post # 13
@annabelle2412: For my first wedding, only a couple girls got me gifts. But they didn’t have to pay for much for the wedding. For my BFF’s wedding, I paid ~$1200 for her shower and two bachelorette parties, plus clothing for the wedding. So I did NOT get her a gift. Other girls did.
Post # 14
Post # 15
One of my maids gave me all her pregnancy books (which was GREAT), and the other gave me the standmixer she got as a gift like 5 years ago but NEVER used!
I thought they were awesome! I didn’t want my maids spending anything on me.