(Closed) Do you come from a family that doesn’t talk about things? How to deal? :(

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I come from a family of religious control freaks and before anything was even done, they outright refused to attend my wedding because they “fear” embrarassment all because my FH would not convert to Catholicism.  //  I understand your hurt and sadness but having toxic family around will only cause you more heartache.  You and your Darling Husband will have your own family.  Try to focus on that. 

Post # 4
Hostess
11167 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@cbee:   it makes me sad to realize my family will never be what I want or need.


Reading that just killed me, I can so totaly relate. I think the important thing is that you are starting to realize the truth and with that you and your Darling Husband can make steps towards establishing a life together with peace minus the drama.

I moved to the opposite end of the state to get away from my family. I love them dearly but they are too much and when I allow them back in I am bombarded with drama and pain, it just isn’t worth it. And no we never talk about anything, a simple conversation of feelings turns into a huge ordeal and it is never worth the fall out.

I am sorry to hear of your frustrations and I wish you and your Darling Husband much happiness in your lives together, regardless of who else is involved.

Post # 6
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@cbee:  My grandfather made a comment after I made my wedding announcement that my mom’s cousin married a non-Catholic in the church and divorced 2 mos. later.  *face palm*  Really?  Is that necessary?

Try to have a nice Easter!  Smile

Post # 7
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I understand you want a relationship with your family, but I really don’t think that would be a wise decision, based on what you wrote here. Family is what you make of it. Why not try to strengthen you relationship with your friends near you?  I just know that I woudl rather have no relationship at all that to deal with people like this who will never change.

I know you want a “normal” family, but it can never be with yours. It might be better to cut your losses, and move on

Post # 9
Hostess
11167 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@MrsSl82be:  Agreed. Planning this wedding has proven to me even more that sometimes family comes from the strangest of places. My MOH’s parents have been amazing to me and also my great aunt and uncle have been incredibly supportive. While it isn’t ideal or normal at least there is some sense of family and support.

 

Post # 11
Member
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I was expected to keep everything bottled up inside when I was younger.  There were huge issues at home–mental illness and alcoholism.  Still, my parents expected me to put on a happy face and pretend everything was ok all the time.  I’m 30, and have no idea if anyone ever picked up on anything being “off” about my home life as a child.  

I moved out when I was 20.  I realized that in some ways because of how I grew up, I am somewhat of a screwed up person.  I don’t try to hide it any more.  I still have good friends, and a very undertanding husband.  

I still don’t really talk about my feelings with my family.  Having my father at my wedding (my mom passed away) was awkward for me because saying wedding vows is such an emotional thing.  I can talk about them with just about anybody else, but I just can’t share my feelings with anybody I’m related to.  

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