(Closed) Do you complain about DH/FI/SO to your friends?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
2969 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Meh. There are very few people I confide in that aren’t going to like hate him or judge him based on the things I say. I feel like sometimes you just need to vent, but you don’t mean half of the things you say. After the convo is over, you are usually over it and forget everything that happened, meanwhile once you open your mouth to certain people they don’t forget and they bring it up later on down the road or act weird around your SO- especially if they don’t really know them personally.

The only people I vent to about my husband (even though we really don’t fight at all) are his sister, his cousin, my cousin who is like my sister, and my brother’s Fiance who is also like a sister. The only 2 friends I may have limited joking/venting sessions are 2 of my long time friends who we trade stories about our husbands during girl talk.

During my neverending *waiting* phase, I definitely confided in these people more than ever. I only made the mistake of complaining to a now ex-friend once and when she was trying to give her bf an ultimatum after a few months together, she tried to call me out in public by saying that it worked for me and I forced my husband to marry me (not true). She didn’t humiliate me because everyone in that room knew she was nuts, and it only reflected badly on her. We all got a good laugh at how ridiculous she was. She is a sick person for many reasons, but I immediately regretting talking about him in front of her, and I completely learned my lesson after that.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  MissJulianna.
Post # 32
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Absolutely not. That’s what my psychiatrist is for. 

Post # 33
Member
7905 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

When we were first dating, sometimes I would ask my friends for advice and perspective on certain things. Now that we know each other well, I’m able to process things myself. It would feel a little odd telling other people negative things about someone who’s going to be in your life for a long time, but it’s different when the person you’re talking about is a new, unfamiliar person. 

Post # 34
Member
11613 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

It’s a sacred circle, IMO. Just Fiance and I.

Post # 35
Member
3541 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

MrsBlueberryRose:  I complained about exs to friends (current bf’s at the time). I will tell ppl the little things Fiance does to drive me crazy (he’s a packrat, he moves like a snail sometimes, etc), but nothing major. I am very protective of our relationship and would rather not have outside opinions about stuff. Honestly, unless I needed support bc something huge was going on, I feel it’s no ones business. 

if u don’t feel comfortable sharing, don’t. Just start sharing more about the toilet seat thing 😉

Post # 36
Member
3541 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

swonderful:  u bring up an interesting point- I actually don’t really talk about what a great guy Fiance is (more than just “he’s a good guy”) to many ppl bc I feel bad doing it!  Who wants to hear that?!  And an ex friend started trying to take jabs at my relationship eventually after I told her how great he was (jealous much???). The bee is the first time I’ve seen so much positive female comrodary (along with the usual negative stuff too). 

Post # 37
Member
2348 posts
Buzzing bee

heputaringonit:  I know what you mean. I feel like as women we’re taught to NEVER brag so we tend to not talk about positive things. I love when women love themselves and their lives. Once, in the midst of another complain-a-thon in my office days, everyone was talking diets and bodies and looks. I stayed silent and then they kind of turned on me like, “well, what about you?!” And I just shrugged like, “I’m pretty happy with my looks.” You would have thought I’d slapped them all in the face with a rotten fish or something. 

Nothing is more attractive to me than happiness and contentedness 🙂 

Post # 38
Member
4029 posts
Honey bee

I don’t outwardly complain about Darling Husband to my friends/co-workers. Occassionally, if there is a specific topic (like how their DH’s act so dramatic about being sick) I will chime in with how Darling Husband is about it (also, a little dramatic when he is sick). But it’s not complaining.

If there is a major issue or point of contention (very rare), I sometimes discuss it with my mother. She is the only person who I have ever discussed it with and she is a great outside party who provides perspective. It’s only been a handful of times and it’s been more a sounding board than complaining.

Post # 39
Member
3541 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

swonderful:  LMAO yep, I bet that did not go over well!  Love it!

Post # 40
Member
783 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I try not to complain to anyone about my SO, unless it’s something trivial. Your friends and family will always remember the negative stuff even when you don’t.  I might share some things about the relationship with my best friend, but not necessarily a complaint about my SO. I’ve always been a private person, and my friends usually share much more negative things with me than I do with them. 

Post # 41
Member
1504 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Small complaints maybe…but in general I only have positives to talk about. With my best friend I am be a little more open, but even there I only ever voice small things (like him bothering me when he practices guitar when I’m trying to watch a show). When it comes to my family, I have never and will never voice a complaint to them. I don’t want anyone to have negative feelings towards him or our relationship.

Post # 42
Member
558 posts
Busy bee

I only share trivial problems or ones we have fully gotten through and moved past. My SO has said that he has talked to coworker-friends about our issues because it helps him judge and process. He feels that since he is committed to me he is not betraying me by doing that. It used to bother me but I’ve decided not to worry about it. I guess to each their own.

Post # 43
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee

I definitely agree that the more private I keep my relationship the happier I am, but I do have a couple of women who I can go to if I have an issue in my relationship. The most important thing is that I know that these two people will understand that every situation we might discuss always has another side and they will not “co-sign my bullshit”. We both come from divorced families so it helps to be able to consult with people who do have experience being in a healthy marriage since neither of us learned how to do this growing up. 

Post # 44
Member
2085 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

It depends on the friend and the content.  If it was something where I felt like maybe I was being irrational or overreacting, I might check in with my sister or my best friend to get some feedback… am I being a looney toon or am I justified?  Sometimes, if it’s just silly stuff – like “Ugggghhhh He always hangs his wet towel over the door and it DRIVES ME CRAZY!” or venting about him ditching me on Valentines day to play hockey… I don’t think that stuff is really all that personal or serious so why not.  I like to know if my feelings are rational or off the charts lol.

Also, my best friends aren’t the type to jump on a bashing band wagon.  Usually we vent about dumb silly stuff, but if I was having a legitimate issue, she is very quick to talk about all of his positive attributes and remind me that whatever his actions were, his intention is never to upset me. 

 

I think it’s healthy to vent… I just make sure that if I do, it’s to serve a purpose 🙂

Post # 45
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

Only to my best friend and only if I really need to, there have been times where I’ve needed a different perspective on something and she can offer that. 

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