(Closed) Do you consider flirting (with someone other than your spouse) wrong?

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
5009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

As far as I’m concerned the line is drawn where your partner would draw it. I know that my fiance is comfortable with me flirting as long as I’m totally honest about my relationship status with people. He’s very laid back. I’m sure there are other men who wouldn’t be.

Post # 4
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I wouldn’t chat up two men at the bar because I wouldn’t want my Darling Husband to do that to me.

Post # 5
Member
5837 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t think chatting with a guy or letting him buy you a drink is wrong. I still go out with my single friends and run into situations like these. I am always open about the fact that I am married and not remotely interested in hooking up/whatever. I’d also never hide it from Darling Husband. Wouldn’t work for some other people but its within our comfort level.

Post # 6
Member
4886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Agree with SS.

I think that going out with them would’ve been crossing the line, but enjoying the company and attention?  No problem.  It’s completely natural.

Now if you were to lie about being married, that’s another thing – but you didn’t do that!  Don’t worry about this.

Post # 7
Member
7776 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

If you didn’t do anything that your Darling Husband would be mad about, then you’re fine.

You talked to them, you told them you were married, you didn’t do anthing shady like go out with them or dance with them… I think you’re probably fine. Personally, I don’t think you did anything wrong.

Post # 8
Member
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

@MrsTVLover: this is my stance as well.

Most of the time if I end up in any kind of convo with someone of the opposite sex I keep it very light and very short. I have always thought that flirting was a no no and I know that if Darling Husband came to me with this as his story.. even just chatting it up for awhile I would possible get a bit insecure, for a least a minute. Wonder if she was pretty, if she was intriguing, if he “liked” her… and all those things.

I  know Darling Husband is incredibly loyal to me and would never cheat (he’d totally bust himself long before going through with it) but I think I’d still be a bit hurt and have my trust put to the test in a situation like this.

Post # 10
Member
1425 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t see anything wrong with having a conversation with the opposite sex. If it starts to get close to the line where you’re wondering whether you’re flirting with each other, thats where I would stop it, “Thanks for the chat, but I must go! Nice to meet you!”.

Post # 11
Member
13563 posts
Honey Beekeeper

For my husband and me, flirting at a bar (different than just a “conversation”) and/or letting someone of the opposite sex buy us a drink would be wrong. Even if it’s made clear that the person is married, there are still intentions behind that drink or that flirting.

For each couple, I think you can gauge “wrongness” based on how you’d feel if your spouse did the same — and you even mentioned that.

Personally, if my husband were out without me and his idea of having fun was flirting with women at a bar and/or letting them buy him drinks, I’d be deeply hurt. Because those things implicitly have an undertone of more than just “fun.”

Now, I promise I’m not judging at all. I’m just answering your question from the perspective of my own marriage. Have you and your Darling Husband ever talked about these kinds of situations?

Post # 12
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think it’s ok to “window shop” and admire from afar – but no, never take the goods home with you!

Post # 13
Member
4886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@runsyellowlites:  I can appreciate where you’re coming from, but girlfriend get some confidence!  Wondering if the other woman was pretty?  LOTS of women are pretty, including you!  Intriguing? “Liking” her?  Be more confident and self-assured.  This is your husband, give him a little more credit  😉

Post # 15
Member
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

@KristenGotMarried: lol.. I wasn’t meaning quite like that. But if Darling Husband considered leaving with her and her friends I would still get a bit insecure as to the “why” he was pulled to that.

Post # 16
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think you’re okay because you talked about the BF/husband. It’s shadier if you try to keep a secret. I think it’s also okay because it doesn’t happen a lot, it would be one thing if you went out frequently looking for that, but it came to you, you had a neic time, made it clear you weren’t single, and that was it.  

Of course, if it would upset your husband then that’s a different story. Or, like other posters have said, if it would bother you if the tables were turned then it’s different.

I do think if you had left with them that would have been wrong. But you didn’t!

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