(Closed) Do you consider flirting (with someone other than your spouse) wrong?

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 32
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If a woman wants to buy my husband a drink she can knock herself out.  That’s more money that stays in our pocket!!!  I completely trust my husband so her intentions don’t matter ๐Ÿ™‚

I don’t think the OP did anything wrong but we all have different opinions on what is appropriate versus what is not.  I think it’s definitely a conversation each couple should have so that expectations are laid out to avoid hurt feelings down the road.

Post # 33
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Your married……not dead….lol.  I find flirting in that circumstance completely fine and as you said yourself, you just went home.  I mean c’mon who doesn’t like the attention?  But you were completely honest about your husband.  My Fiance is a sales rep and i’m sure occasionally has to “turn on the charm” but guess what? He comes home to me.  I’m sure he doesn’t hate the attention either.  We love each other and a few words with people from the opposite sex isn’t going to change that.  I don’t see anything wrong with that.

Post # 34
Member
1610 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@peanuthead:  I love this!  This is what my fiance says all the time, if some guy want to buy me a drink he can go for it… it will save us more money for our wedding, and I feel the same way about him if some girl wants to buy him a drink.

Post # 35
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If you made it clear that you are married and not looking for an affair, the guy hitting on you was probably the wingman to the guy hitting on your friend.  Accepting a drink from a stranger is fine so long as it’s not a drink meant to get you in the sack.  If you feel guilty about it, is it because your husband has made you feel that this sort of harmless exchange is wrong?  I draw the line at getting contact information/physical contact/leaving the group to see someone alone.

Post # 36
Member
2583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@newenglandgirl:

mmmmmmmmmmmmm Wes Welker  ๐Ÿ˜›

back to topic – same here.  I actually LOVE hearing that girls have flirted with my Mr. Makes me feel even better about being the only one he liked enough to put a ring on it  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 37
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

It’s good to guard your heart and demand it of your partner.

Drinks with hot others isn’t cheating and doesn’t necessarily lead to it, but it can be one step down that road.  It’s better, IMO, to be more respectful to your SO than a stranger in a bar and excuse yourself or abruptly decline if a polite “No thanks” doesn’t do the job.  I would expect it of my husband.

Post # 38
Member
3521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I wouldn’t approach someone to flirt, but if someone flirts with me, I keep it casual and brief. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a bit of light/innocent flirting with an attractive stranger you’ll never see again, as long as you make it clear that you have a partner and don’t let it go any further. It’s a confidence booster.

Post # 39
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think that every person and every relationship is different! I think that some people would be okay with their So having a convorsation at a resturant or bar. Some may not. I think you and SO need to set boundries for eachother. Things you are comfortable with!  If you know that it is something that your SO would be hurt by or something they wouldnt do to you then it shouldnt be done. If they dont have an issue with it then I think it isnt a big deal.

As far as your particular situation. I think I wouldnt be mad. You made it known that you were taken. You refused the drinks they offered and you chose not to go with them when they left. These are all admirable things. The story could have played out a lot differntly but it didnt because you didnt let it! If you feel bad then talk to your husband! THat would be a good opener for your boundries convo so you know in the future.

Post # 40
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I don’t think you did anything wrong, and Darling Husband and I don’t really have a problem with things like that.  We both wear wedding rings and are totally up-front about our marital status, but if he goes out for drinks with a couple female coworkers or I have a friendly flirty conversation with some guy, it’s not a big deal.  In fact, knowing I have someone at home makes me a lot more comfortable with myself and I think other people pick up on that.  As long as you’re not alone with someone, don’t spend too much time/energy on it, don’t lie about your relationship status, and especially don’t lie to your partner, then I don’t see the big deal.  I think the fact that you’re aware of it is a good sign, because it means you want to be open and honest.

Post # 41
Member
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If your friend was also in a steady relationship, I am not sure why you two opted to go to the bar to hang out. There are so many things to do other than going to the bar. Go to a coffee shop, a restaurant, a bakery, etc. If you want to drink, go to some family-friendly bars.

Bars are notorious for being ‘picked up’ or ‘chatted up’ or ‘flirting’. If you put yourself in that situation, you will get those types of results.

But to answer your question, harmless flirting is just that… harmless. Don’t worry about it. If it makes you feel guilty, in future keep yourself out of those situations as well which may lead to flirting.

Post # 42
Member
2286 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I don’t think you did anything wrong. And liking the attention? Don’t worry about it. For us, we have boundaries that we’re clear with each other on. I don’t care if he checks out another girl, that sort of thing.

We draw the line at all out flirting in which the other person thinks this will go somewhere. The cute pest control guy was flirting with me the other day. It was nice and felt awesome, but I knew I needed to draw the line and didn’t let it get too far. Sounds like that’s what you did, too.

Post # 43
Member
1551 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I draw the line at “Would I do this if Mr. Neva was sitting here beside me?”  If I can honestly answer yes, then I am not crossing the line.

However, if I would feel weird about him seeing/hearing what was going on or if I would not want him to know about it, then I would know that what I was doing was wrong.

Post # 44
Member
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@Neva:  Yes!  This exactly.  I love it when somene sums up everything I want to say into a neat couple of sentences… ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 45
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If I was your husband, what you did wouldn’t bother me at all… but it sounds like you think maybe your (actual, not me Smile) husband wouldn’t be okay with it? In that case, it’s probably not okay. There’s no universal line for what’s right and wrong and cheating and not cheating – depends on the couple. Make sure you know where that line is, and respect it, because you respect your partner.

Post # 46
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I see no problem with that at all..just innocent fun! But..it really depends on you and your Darling Husband.

I personally wouldn’t feel any guilt after talking or even dancing with a guy. Nor, would I feel bad if my Darling Husband did the same. 

I love and trust my Darling Husband and wouldn’t trade him in for the world =)

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