(Closed) do you consider your in laws your "family"?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 61
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee

Fiance considers my family to be his family. He calls my parents mom and dad. My brother’s are both groomsmen. His family is complicated.. and I tried to be part of his family, but most of them make it difficult. He grew up with his mom and two half sisters. He also has a half brother from his dad. (Didn’t meet him until he was 11 and the half brother was 14 or 15….dad has been absent from FI’s life for the most part). Neither of us associated with FI’s brother. He is a mooch and addicted to drugs. He stole from us and then threaten to beat both of us up when we stopped allowing him in our home. So, that was the end of our relationship. We do keep in contact with his ex and their daughter who is 3. I get along pretty well with his younger sister, but his older sister can make life hell. She is incredibly selfish and won’t do things unless she planned it. She’s purposely excluded me from family dinners (which in turn excludes Fiance because he gets mad that I’m not invited.) She’s very immature for her age and I can’t believe that she is 4 years older than me. It was hard on my realtionship with Future Mother-In-Law because she of course would side with her daughter over me. Now that we have a child, Future Mother-In-Law is more willing to compromise because she wasnts to see her grandchild. This of course makes Future Sister-In-Law mad as hell, but at this point I’m over trying to have a relationship with her. 

 

So no, for the most part I don’t consider them family. 

Post # 62
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - backyard

I am not sure. FIs mom is a bit cold and distant, even though she trys to make basic conversation, it seems forced. I am not sure if she even likes me, its just confusing. I want to consider my future ILs as family, but I am just not sure. I hope Future Mother-In-Law will warm up after the wedding and consider me as her daughter.

Post # 63
Member
7231 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yes, I absolutely consider them family. They welcomed me from the very beginning, I was family long before we ever got married. His mom treats me no different than her other kids. She once said a really sweet thing to me during a convo we were having about in-laws, she said : “I’ve always been committed to embracing whomever my kids chose as their partner, because it doesn’t get you anywhere to not like them.”. I always thought that was a really great way of looking at it.

I’m a firm believer that blood doesn’t make a family. I’m super close with my stepmom, and her family embraced me with open arms.

We’re actually heading out tomorrow to the wedding of DH’s “little sister” who isn’t his sister at all. She has always been his “little sister” and I refer to her as my sistter-in-law. Darling Husband is very close with her fiance, and we are both in their wedding. They are not blood relatives, and yet Darling Husband is closer to her than his “real” sister.

My family welcome Darling Husband with open arms. He and my brother were roommates during college (well after we started dating) and he’s super close with my dad.

We call each other’s parents by their first names, and I think that’s probably because we started dating in high school so back then it wasn’t super serious and by the time we got married it seemed strange to start calling them mom & dad.

Post # 64
Member
3064 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
Dogsbody92:  I agree, I would be majorly hurt if my Darling Husband said that about my family.

View original reply
snina8916:  Its ok that you don’t feel super close to them, but the gist of your post is that you kind of are pretty judgy about them/ don’t care for them at all. I would try just to have a nice relationship with them even if your don’t agree with their choices/how they do or don’t support themselves. I also don’t think its fair to your Fiance that you isolate yourself from his family on holidays. Grow up- sometimes as adults we have to do things we don’t want to.

Maybe if you judge them less you will find things you like about them…

Also if you think they don’t pick up on how you feel , I would guarantee they do. 

 When I married my Darling Husband, we became a family and his family is now mine and vise versa. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by  Boxerlover24.
Post # 65
Member
5364 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’m an only child and I’ve lost both of my parents. My grandfather was like my dad. Over the past 5 years, my grandpa and Fiance have hung out and Fiance did stuff to help my grandpa out. My grandpa loved Fiance, but would never tell you. Thata just how he was. 

My FIs mom has also passed away. His stepdad and his wife are definitely my family. They also have a 3 year old daughter and she’s like my little sister. I’m actually closer with his grandparents than I am my dads parents. His grandfather died 2 months after mine and it’s been the hardest 3 months of our lives. His dad and his new wife (his stepmom also died) are coming around, but im not near as close with them as I am his stepdad, who is basically his dad, but neither is my Fiance. He has twin sisters that are 4 years younger than us and we don’t talk to them much, but they are like my sisters.

I don’t think you have to like your husbands familu, but I think it’s important to at least split holidays for your husbands sake. That’s part of being married…

Post # 66
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I do not feel that I will ever truly consider my future ILs family. They are awkward around me, and I am a pretty sociable person, easy to talk to… I know that they are still upset that Fiance chose me over someone from their immediate, insular community (they have a very old-country mentality) and realistically, I don’t think they will ever accept me.

I called my Future Mother-In-Law for 2 major holidays a few months ago, just to express best wishes, I thought it was the right thing to do… She was very awkward on the phone and I got the impression she couldn’t wait to hang up. It was literally a 1 minute convo, she had an excuse about something in the oven… I have not heard from her once. I also emailed her our proposal video and she never responded.

I will be civil and polite, but we’ll never be close. I see them as FI’s family, not mine… Don’t even get me started on how they treated us when we announced our engagement…

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by  Vivi30.

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