(Closed) Do you dread the holiday “game”?

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: Do you dread the holiday family games?
    YES! It seems like no matter what we do, somebody has hurt feelings. : (19 votes)
    43 %
    Only certain holidays. : (3 votes)
    7 %
    Not really- we do what we want to do when we want to do it. : (8 votes)
    18 %
    Not at all- our families are easy going. : (14 votes)
    32 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    160 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    oooh, we actually have had to tell our moms families how we’re dividing holiday time in August. yes, AUGUST.

    we usually do: one gets thanksgiving, (my family) gets christmas eve, his family gets christmas day. and whoever didn’t get thanksgiving this year, will get it next year. so on and so forth.

    best advice i can give. be firm in your plans. if you keep trying to wiggle them around to please everyone, you will stress and your joy will be taken from the holidays. and how bunk would that be?!?

    Post # 5
    Member
    3148 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    @symphony: We live in the same city as his family and my family lives about 15 hours away so we have it split up already, one Christmas here one Christmas there. It works. But this is our first Christmas as a married couple and we kind of wanted to do our own thing…we werent gutsy enough to say it, so we are still going to my parents place and his famliy is going to mexico!

    Post # 6
    Member
    160 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    intitially, as to be expected, there was some… ahem, resistance. and i was a sucker for feelings as well, until i realized i was DREADING the holidays. WHAT? that’s preposturous. you’re not supposed to dread the holidays!! that’s when the proverbial foot came on down. i wanted to love christmas again thankyouverymuch!

    it helped when, not in the heat of the moment, i was able to point out to my mom that if she got what she wanted, FI’s famiy would get us on… Flag Day, Arbor Day… and that’s it. it gave a moment of perspective that is desperately needed and so often lost.

    take back your holidays, girl!!!

    Post # 7
    Member
    971 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2008

    We don’t have this issue at all.  We host both families for all major holidays!  They can come and spend as much time with us as they want and leave when they please!  It’s great and nobody complains!  We love it since we got to set the precedent!

    Post # 9
    Member
    3281 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Ugh yes, Especially since my moms bday is on christmas, she wants us to spend more time with her and my dad. Its tough

    Post # 10
    Member
    160 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    @symphony:

    “How did you deal with the inlaw side of it?”

    i told my Fiance to let me know when he was done letting his mama know.  Wink

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    88 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    It’s the worst!! Ijust got off the phone with my sister where I had to tell her that I am going to FI’s house on Christmas and won’t be spending it at her house.  Both of our parents are remarried and spending Christmas Day with those families, so she is upset and bent out of shape that I won’t be with her and her husband and kids on Christmas Day.

    It’s a frigging disaster.  Fiance and I live 6 hours away from my family and 10 away from his.  He will come to my house the 21-23, then spend Christmas Eve with his family and I will stay with mine, then I will drive to his house on the 25th to have dinner with his family and stay until the 28th. THEN he will come to my family for New Years and then we will head back home.

    No matter what, I can’t win…I stay home with my sister and her family for Christmas, my Fiance gets mad.  I go to his family, my sister gets mad.  I am thisclose to saying screw it, we are staying home, and if you want to see us on Christmas, you are more than welcome to make the 6 or 10 hour trip.  God forbid anyone inconveninence themselves for us, even though we are expected to drive across MI, OH, and PA to see everyone.

    I think I need a drink.

    Post # 12
    Member
    971 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2008

    @symphony:  since we bought our house 8 years ago!  Once we had our house, we knew it was the perfect size to host everyone for the holidays.  So we decided to make it the Holiday house!  It’s been great and we love doing it that way. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    1020 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    @BanditGirl: that’s what we plan to do once we buy a house. right now we only have one spare bedroom and hosting 12-15 people (we both have a lot of siblings) would be too much for our little apartment.

    right now, i just accept that all of our families are going to be pissed off about one thing or another regarding holidays. whatever.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2398 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    We live far away from both families, and it was made clear pretty early on that there would be no system of “dibs” or trading or whathaveyou because we can’t be sure when we’ll have money to travel.

    Obviously, this has limits.  My parents would probably be happy to help us pay for tickets to spend Christmas with them, but we saw them last year and my ILs aren’t in a position to make a similar offer, so here we will stay.

    It’s natural for parents to want everything to stay the same, but once you get married that just isn’t realistic.  If only everyone could be graceful about the process…

    Post # 16
    Member
    2398 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    @symphony:  Yikes!  Can you guys stay home and have your own Christmas?  It may make everyone else mad, but that’s kinda their problem.  You and your husband aren’t obligated to spend time with people who make you miserable, even if you are related to them, especially during times when you’re supposed to be celebrating family and togetherness.

    The topic ‘Do you dread the holiday “game”?’ is closed to new replies.

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