(Closed) Do you earn more than your fiance/husband?

posted 9 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I am just like you, educated/white collar and I have a divorce under my belt to a blue collar/but getting educated ex and am also engaged to now another blue collar guy. My previous marriage was a disaster, my ex looked at me as a meal ticket/sugar mamma to pay his way to a life he felt he deserved, although didn’t treat me this way till after the big wedding he needed. Ugh! As you can imagine the only thing that saved my butt in the divorce was the Pre-nupt which he still fought stating he signed it under duress! He definitely was not mature enough to handle my success and was very competitive with me, even saying my name and degrees/title with disdain. Needless to say while I adore my current guy and can see a complete difference, between the two I still have an occasional panick freak out!

 Yes I make more and always will the difference this time is that he refuses to let me pay more than 40% of the time and looks at our future (and wedding) as a 50/50 split. This means I have scaled down my expenditures and now my savings acct is growing!! I think I’m coping ok with it! Funny, this time I don’t even feel like I need the pre-nupt, although my attorney will kill me if I don’t do it…we’ll see?

Just for refernece a boy friend between the two of the blue collar guys was a wealthy attorney who was ultra cheap and a cheater! Go figure…

If you have any more specific questions ask…

Post # 4
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2007

My husband and I are both college educated but I make much more than he does because he works for a non-profit — that serves a cause that he is all-out passionate about. I love my job and how hard I have to continually work to be good at it and I love knowing that my income is more than enough to supplement the two of us. The fact that he, too, gets to do something that he loves is more than enough incentive for me to bust butt for us. Conversations get interesting when we start discussing future children and how that will work because I would love to get to be a stay-at-home/work-from-home mom and obviously we would still need to to be sufficiently grounded in our finances. We have debt that we are working on attacking aggressively as well as an ambitious savings plan to help pad our "nest egg" for when the time comes. Ultimately, while I might make more than he does now, seeing as how he’s a lawyer, that realistically may not always be the case. He has, on more than one occasion, expressed that he would not hesitate to change jobs should the need arise that we require extra income to support our future family. But for now, our system works for the two of us. 🙂

Post # 5
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Yes! And, at the moment, I pay almost all the bills.  My husband’s income basically goes to pay college tuition (we have the kids from his former marriage; his ex basically wants nothing to do with them).

He doesn’t make a lot less than I do, but the difference is significant.  And, interestingly enough, we work in the same field – but I spent years working on building my experience base specifically to increase my marketability, while he was happier staying in the same place and doing the same thing.

His first wife never worked, and in the beginning it was really weird for him when I paid for a hotel room, or dinner, or even bought him a present.  However, he’s really proud of my success, and respects me professionally, and often asks my advice on a technical problem or just how to handle something at work.  He says he would have married me even if I didn’t make good money (although heaven knows how he would be paying for the kids’ college if that was the case).  And after the initial shock, he’s quite tickled when I step forward and pay for something.  I dated more than a few guys who were really threatened by my education or success or salary, and it’s very nice to have a guy who actually thinks that a smart, successful woman is a sexy and wonderful thing.  Its a significant part of the reason that I married him – because my experience has been that if you interpret differences in income or education as some kind of power imbalance, it’s going to be really difficult to make things work out.

And tmarie – I think you’re being really smart.  Living on less than you both make is a very forward thinking thing.  Living on something more like one income would really be better – that way, if one of you gets laid off or something, it affects your savings, or your vacation money, but not your ability to eat or pay the mortgage.  And if you save a big portion of your income, you both get to retire earlier, or at least live much better when you do.  Our plan once the kids graduate is still to pay most of the bills out of one salary, to travel a little more, and sock the rest away.

Post # 6
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Ah Thanks Suzanno! Yes, feeling very smart about my savings! Like yours my guy is proud of my success and finds it sexy. Yeah! Now…to Pre-nupt or Not? Just don’t feel like I need one this time? Advice Bee’s?

Post # 7
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I make more than my Fiance now.  He has made more than me at various points during our 4 year relationship and helped me out a lot, which enabled me to start my own business and thus increase earnings.  Now, I have more income and am trying to do the same for him by helping him out with grad school tuition and expenses.  

The fact that I earn more, and probably always will, isn’t really an issue for us.  We share expenses pretty equally now, but when we buy a house, I expect that I’ll pay more – we’ve talked about paying proportionately based on our incomes.  When we have children, we hope to arrange our schedules so that we can each stay home with them sometimes.  I really like the way that we have worked out our partnership because I feel that it’s truly equal.  

I am an attorney, and I am not having a pre-nupt.  Essentially because I am starting out, and don’t really have much.  I might feel differently if I had significant assets or property.  

 

Post # 8
Member
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

My Fiance and I have kind of an interesting situation. He makes a great living but has a lot (I’m talking tens of thousands of dollars) in college loan debt. I’m graduating college in 3 weeks with no college debt but no job (yet). I know that when I start out, I will not make much money. However, I come from money (ew, I hate saying it like that) and I have enough in my portfolio to warrant a pre-nup. We’re both comfortable talking about money and hope that it doesn’t become a source of conflictin the future. The only thing I’m struggling with is his spending ways, which can sometimes get a little out of hand (ahem, $2000 lcd tv…yeah). I think it’s just one of those things where you learn as you go.

Post # 9
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

The pre-nupt question is a hard one.  I also make more than my fiance, and more than any guy I’ve dated seriously.  In a previous serious relationship the guy was the taking-advantage type like tmarie’s first guy.  Luckily, even though I was young and not yet making money, I realized that he was counting on my future to support him.  I left him in the dust, but it did leave me with some baggage and I thought that I would get a pre-nupt if I ever married. 

Now, my fiance makes somewhat less than me, though we could probably live off of either income.  But, his ambition and work-ethic are some of the qualities I admire in him, and I don’t have any concerns about our future.  We won’t be getting a pre-nupt because although it appeals to my purely practical side, I don’t feel the need that I did in the past, and my idealistic side won in this. Our decision that he will stay home part time with our future children (very important to me that one of us will) is another factor in us not getting a pre-nupt, though I guess we could write it so that his career sacrifice was taken into account.

Post # 10
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I make more money than my Fiance. We’re both college educated and work in a similar field. He just took some time exploring careers and being young so I have more direct work experience. If we both stick to our career paths I will probably make more than him for many years. However, I would like to stay home with the kids for a few years. This concerns me a bit because right now we couldn’t survive on just his salary. So I try to save and remind myself that families live on much less – we’ll make it work.

I love that fact that I make more than him! While I know he would support me in a heartbeat, I never feel dependent on him financially. I honestly don’t know how he feels about it. It doesn’t seem to bother him and I think he feels confident that he will quickly earn more and more.

We split all shared costs (rent, bills, groceries, dinners out, etc) 50/50. I end up saving more but that’s just how it goes. We’ve talked about contrinuting to shared costs based on a percentage of what we make. I have a lot of friends who do that (usually the husband makes more) and they seem to think that’s the only fair way to do it. But for us, 50/50 is fair.

I have a teenie bit of college loan debt and he has absolutely zero debt.

We don’t plan to get a prenup so I can’t help you there.

Post # 11
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

One word (hyphenated, but still one word):  stay-at-home-dad!  My husband would love to be just that, but he makes (and will always make) more than me (software engineer vs. nonprofit admin major).

Post # 12
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I make more money than my Fiance (he’s in Art school right now) and I probably always will. However during our years together there has been times when he made more than me (while I was in Med school and he was working). But we’ve never seen it as his money or my money, as long as we’ve lived together it’s alway been our money. It’s a non-issue for us. 

I don’t know, maybe it’s just me or maybe it’s a cultural thing(I’m from Sweden) but it never even occured to me that a woman making more money than her husband could be something to even think of as an issue or that needed to be handled. 

Post # 13
Member
2895 posts
Sugar bee

Right now it is ; although he used to be working full time, I have a scholarship that’s higher  than his salsary. Now he went back to college to get a degree in computer science. So 3 years from now, he’ll easily win twice my salary. I honestly prefer if is was him who had a huge salary, I think it would actually prevent me for feeling pressured and stressed about everything. My fiancé is not really stressed by finances ; I am. I know it would feel like a burden / constant stress if I was the one making a big salary and had to provide for us both. I’ll be relieved the day we are both pursuing a career and both bring money home ; our money, not his or mine.  

 

Post # 15
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yes, my Darling Husband makes less than me. I have a University degree and he doesn’t have his high school. He is hard-working, has great savings and retirement but I will always make more. The plans are for him to be a stay at home Dad! I’ve always wanted kids later (late 20’s/30’s) but I knew I didn’t want to give up on my career. He wants kids right now, he has always dreamed of being a father and he has made it clear he will stay home 🙂

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