(Closed) Do you even care?

posted 5 years ago in Rings
  • poll: Is it okay for the bride-to-be to help pick the ring?
    No way, that's the groom-to-be's domain and it should be a surprise with no pressure on him. : (21 votes)
    10 %
    Of course, she's the one who's going to be wearing it!! : (186 votes)
    90 %
  • Post # 46
    346 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Cory_loves_this_girl:  + 1


    we did the same thing.  We picked three rings we loved,  it was up to him which one to go with.  Ultimately he picked the one I swooned over. 

    Post # 47
    29 posts

    I think a woman should definitely have a say (unless it’s an heirloom, etc)!

    Post # 48
    167 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    In my experience, my fiancée has great taste. Having that said, he doesn’t pick out my clothes, he didn’t choose my career, and knowing who I am and what I like still doesn’t make him good at picking out my jewelry. This is the same reason that he shovels the driveway, and I do the gardening. We both have different unique skill sets and interests, and knowing what those are makes us stronger as a couple. He CHOSE to let me pick out my ring, not because he didn’t care enough to learn what I liked—he just “knew me well enough” to know that I would want to be a part of it. If anyone tries to tell you that BS again, I implore you to look inside yourself, and not within the confines of someone else’s ideals. By her logic, you should be able to pick out anything for your fiancé because you know him so well! I don’t know about you, but if someone I loved was a mechanic, and I didn’t know the first thing about cars, I wouldn’t buy them a useless tool set for Christmas. The same logic applies to all parts of a heathy relationship. Know your strengths. You are not the stereotypical average woman in her eyes, and luckily, you aren’t in your fiancé’s eyes either. Surprise! Your future husband knows you better than she does. Huge shock, I know. She seems to value sentiment, and thinks all women should want what she wants/has been taught all women should want. Sentiment is good for the sentimental, creative opportunities are good for those who love being creative, kick-ass perfect engagement rings are good for those who want them. Consider yourself lucky. He took into account what what you wanted, and didn’t lump you into a category with a presumptuous woman that thinks all women want what she does

    Post # 49
    581 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: Rocky Mountains-May 2017

    craigslistgirl:  Well I’m personally rather picky, but I still want that suprise proposal. So he’s going to get me a temp ring, so he still gets to propose and then we’ll discuss options as far as money and style and all that. I told him he has to re propose when it comes in though lol

    Post # 50
    238 posts
    Helper bee

    “Chicks these days should be grateful.”

    That guy’s a douche. Ignore him. Guys with outdated, sexist opinions are not worth listening to.

    As for picking out the ring with or without your SO, do whatever you want. I wanted input, so I had input, and I’m glad I did! There are a lot of styles I liked, but once I tried some of them on, I realized they looked awful on my finger. My SO isn’t psychic. His love for me is not going to give him the superpower of knowing exactly what I want and what will look good when I don’t even know myself.

    The proposal and what the ring will look like after changes are made will be a surprise, so I feel like I get the best of both worlds–the surprise and the assurance that I’ll get my dream ring. =)

    Post # 51
    35 posts

    I personally wanted to be 100% surprised with the ring and with the proposal. We went and looked at a couple of rings because FH wanted to see what different sizes looked like on my finger, although he ended up going a lot bigger than what I had said I liked and I am glad he did. He did ask me how I felt about platinum since it is heavier. But other than that it was a total surprise and I loved that. That being said, he has really good taste and so I wasn’t worried. All I told him was that I wanted something different, and he did a great job. I don’t think it’s wrong one way or the other.

    Post # 52
    372 posts
    Helper bee

    I didn’t even know he was going to propose, much less discuss getting married and designing a ring prior to the proposal – where’s the romance and fun in that, sounds like a business propostion? My fiance not only chose the diamonds but designed the setting, right down to picking rose gold for the 2 smaller pink diamonds so they stand out more. I was so impressed and I still am but maybe I’m lucky I’m marrying someone with great taste.

    Post # 53
    613 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    My Fiance is totally clueless when it comes to jewellery and he knew that I would want to have input into the ring so her proposed with a silver ring with “will you maybe me?” Engraved on the front and then we went shopping together I narrowed it down to two choices and let him pickq

    Post # 54
    2733 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I find comments from men such as “Chicks these days should be grateful”, “Take what you’re given.” are very condescending towards women. Really, the whole “men proposing to women” puts all the power in their hands. 

    Myself personally, I am pro-proposal on both sides, and proposed to my man. We both wore engagement rings (him, a white gold band), which each of us chose for ourselve and that we paid for together. 

    So to your question, I think women should absolutely be involved in choosing a ring they’ll be wearing for the rest of their lives. And I hope women propose more and more in our society.

    Post # 55
    117 posts
    Blushing bee

    I told my to-be husband CLEARLY what I wanted. I liked antique settings, little diamonds beside it ect. I wanted something fancy! My mom had given me her old ring that was like 1.1 carats and a truly spectacular diamond. Well, he decided he knew what was best and gave me a (yes beautiful) ring set in platinum with a tulip setting. Just set up really high and proudly. Clearly he had good taste, but it was not what I wanted. I wore it and was “happy” with it, but I should have seen then that that was a bad sign for the start of our marriage. I was never 100% happy with the ring. Coincidentally, I was never 100% happy with the husband either. We ended up divorced. It was not me, he cheated. But I’m aware I sound a tad high-maintenance ha. My new husband, a guy I had been best friends with since I was 15, basically just lets me do what I want. He adores me and if we CAN, and it’s not hurting us anywhere else, he gives the go ahead. I should have listened to that tiny little voice that said something was wrong when he didn’t even go near the type of ring I wanted. I had sent him pictures upon pictures with the styles I liked. Just did his own damn thing. — so, that was a nice long ramble about what? I’m not sure it was even relevant to the post lol. Sorry.

    Post # 56
    413 posts
    Helper bee

    Personally I like that my Fiance picked out my ring but I don’t see an issue with the bride having a say in it either! 

    Post # 57
    6702 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 1997

    I’m just wondering what a woman should “be grateful” for. Should she be any more grateful that he asked than he should be grateful that she said yes? Have you ever encountered a couple where the woman was beautiful and the man a troll or the woman polite and considerate and intelligent while the man was crass and interrupting and said whatever came into his empty head? I have, and I’ve never understood why a woman should be grateful while the man should not. 

    There are MANY women who have been proposed to more than once. It isn’t rare. Just like many men would not like it if their girlfriend or wife chose a car for them without their input, many women have specific taste whe it comes to jewelry. Why is that a capital crime? Deciding on a lifetime relationship isn’t something that ANYONE should take for granted, IMO. There should be a lot of compromise and negotiation along the way. The idea that a man should decide his future and a woman should wait passively to see what happens to her is ridiculous. Many women, myself included, wanted a man to propose for tradition’s sake, but the idea that a man should decide everything, down to the jewelry a woman wears, is absurd. A relationship is a give-and-take. It is hard to fathom that so many people still believe that a woman should have no choice when it comes to major things (like when a man proposes) all the way down to minor things (like the jewelry that represents such a relationship).

    Post # 58
    393 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    Fiance loves surprises so I wouldn’t have wanted to help pick out the ring.  It meant a lot to him to surprise me.  Every couple is different and you do what works for you 

    Post # 59
    73 posts
    Worker bee

    Sounds like your coworker got stuck with a ring she would not choose. Lol. I had a say because my SO has no idea what kind of ring I would want to wear for the rest of my life. Not because he doesn’t know/love me but because even after 8 years together I don’t search jewelry stores with him pointing out my intrests. that’s stupid… sure he could have chose a ring and honestly my SO would probably pic a 3 stone or single solitaire which I would love but why not tell him what I like? Guaranteed to be in love with my forever ring. I hope to not ever upgrade because of this. seems very sensible to me. But I guess everyone is different. 


    Also, side note… I would never want a boyfriend to propose as a complete suprise because if we had never talked about marriage it’s probably because I’m not thinking about marring them. 😉 

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