(Closed) Do you ever feel bad for “making” the BM’s get a dress, shoes, etc.?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I definitely do feel bad.  Its so awkward for me!  I did the same thing, all the girls are wearing the same dress.  I did consider the price so its reasonable but I just feel bad mandating them to buy anything at all.  Plus the hotel and shoes if they don’t have any that will work.  Oh, and I have one Bridesmaid or Best Man that hasn’t bought her dress yet.  And while I’m sure it won’t be a problem, I can’t help but want to ask her to get on it! 

Post # 4
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I do sometimes, yeah, but all of my friends know it comes with the territory, most have been in weddings before. I bought one of my BMs her dress because I really wanted her to be able to come to the bachelorette party and I knew she wouldn’t be able to do both. She is the only one I really feel bad about because I know her and her husband aren’t rolling in it right now – he’s still in school, she’s planning on going back to school when he’s done. So, yeah, I feel guilty a little but I’ve tried to make it easy on them. It’s part of the deal, though. You agree to certain costs when you agree to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

Post # 6
Member
1207 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I don’t feel bad at all.  My BM’s all new the deal when I asked them.  If they weren’t able to pay for it, they would have let me know.  I was easy on them, they only had to buy a dress and get their hair done.  Other than that shoes, makeup, jewlery, etc was up to them.

Post # 7
Member
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I feel bad! That worst is that I keep changing my mind!!! My poor Maid/Matron of Honor already bought the dress and now I am telling them they can choose their own. I would hate me if I were her!!!!

Post # 8
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I do, but then I think of what I have been put through. I was just in a wedding where the dress was $250, the shoes were $50 and on top of that we had to have a special bustle that was $150 (including minor alterations). And on the day of the wedding she had makeup artists and hairdressers and we had to get both done and pay for both. That’s what pissed me off the most, what if I didn’t have an extra $80 in cash for my makeup? So I guess while we feel a little guilty as long as you stop and think of a way you can help your girls then you are doing fine.

Post # 9
Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i totally feel bad too. rationally, i know they are expecting it, and i know i’m being very accomodating and considerate (like, i’m paying for a portion of the dress for a couple girls, and i asked for a lot of input)…but still…i feel guilty! i just chose the dress options about a week and a half ago, and it took me a couple days to get the nerve up to tell them all about it, it’s like i got stage fright right before sending the email! 

Post # 10
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Oh yeah Lees– my BM’s have no real problem with the money since they spend it on random stuff (like expensive NYC dinners), they just happen to be procrastinators by nature.  Which I am not so I have a hard time understanding.  However, I have yet to freak out on them.  I did end up booting a Bridesmaid or Best Man though.  She said she wasn’t going to have the money for the dress because she was buying a house so I was like, “uuuuuuuh, wellllll, that’s great, so happy for you, but… I’ll still need all my BM’s in a dress”.  Luckily it didn’t get ugly! 

Post # 11
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I do and I don’t. I found a reasonably priced bridesmaid dress, which made me feel a lot better ($119) and they can wear whatever shoes they want, so they don’t have to buy anything additional. I talked with my girlfriend who got married last summer and she said not to feel bad about things, they are my bridesmaids and wouldn’t have said yes if they didn’t want to, and couldn’t, do it. I know that some brides might go to the extreme ($300 bridesmaid dress), but I think as long as you take them into consideration when making decisions there is nothing to really feel bad about. I actually told my girls that if they can’t afford it, since all but one have to travel a long distance, to not get me a gift, them being a part of mine and my FI’s day is enough of a gift for us:)

Post # 13
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I don’t feel bad because I am making them myself. As for their shoes and jewelry, I purchased their shoes and I made their jewelry. Right now I am leaving them to do their hair, makeup, and nails; however, I will probably take care of those as well, so I guess I did/do feel guilty because I am paying for everything.

Post # 14
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Lees4308- That was only the beginning. The three day bachalorette party, two nights at the hotel, no open bar (which I know isn’t a big thing but it would have been nice), and of course a shower and a wedding gift. And our gift were earning that broke the second we started dancing. But I still love the bride, she is just went ignorant to money. I don’t think it ever crossed her mind.

After being in the wedding I actually found my $230 dresses for $156. The girls can wear their own shoes, I just want silver and sandals. And I am paying for hair and makeup. I don’t want my girls to stress about being able to afford to be part of my day.

Post # 15
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I felt bad and I didn’t at the same time.

I had only three girls and everyone had such different opinions than each other (and no one liked what I originally wanted), I just told them all (happily) to get whatever dress they wanted in a shade of plum (didn’t even care if it matched). They all ended up getting the same Bridesmaid or Best Man dress, and it cost $190 with tax and shipping, so they spent more than I wanted them to, but it was their choice.

One girl wore shoes she already had, one girl got hers at Target for 20 bucks, and the other bought brand new shoes for $70, but bought them because she loved them and plans on rewearing them all the time. I also didn’t make it mandatory to get their hair/make-up/nails done.

So, I felt bad that they spent more on their dresses, BUT, like I said, it was their choice and their hotels rooms were cheap because they shared. So all in all, they didn’t spend that much to be in the wedding.

Post # 16
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee

Yea I totally feel bad but I think you just need to focus on the fact that it’s part of the whole thing.  You know?  These girls shouldn’t expect us to pay for their dress either. It totally sucks, but it is the nature of the situation.  That is at least what I tell myself so I don’t feel bad.  I also think I am going to buy the jewelry and maybe let them wear their own shoes?  We’ll see.  But I am with ya.  I feel bad every time we talk about it!

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